36 and counting

In fifth grade, I had this thing for paper dolls. I played obsessively long games of pretend, you know the type - the princess is rescued by the prince and lives happily ever after. In all these games of pretend, the princess was 16 or so. After all, 20 was just soooo old to find true love.

Last week, I celebrated my 36th birthday. Maybe I should feel old. After all, my natural hair color isn't red anymore and the laugh lines around my eyes don't fade when I stop laughing and rollover doesn't refer to minutes on my phone. But instead, I feel as though I've just begun to live. Don't get me wrong, the 20's were cool - having babies is a blast. But in my thirties, I've found new acceptance with myself. I like the person I'm becoming, and enjoy my marriage.

There are nights when I lie awake and doubt myself. I wonder about my crazy decision to pursue a ministry degree this late in life and try to launch a new career. But most of the time, I am excited that I am comfortable in my own skin, laugh way too hard, and love way too big. I wish that I could pause the clock and spend a few extra minutes enjoying this phase of life.

I am excited to see what surprises, challenges, and blessings this year will hold. Happy Birthday to Me!

14 years of motherhood

James, my oldest, celebrated his 14th birthday today. He is a low key kind of guy. It's been years since his last party. I tried to convince him to invite his buddies over to hang out, or to go to a movie, but he answered, "UHUUNUH." I think in 14 year old grunting, this translates to, "No thanks, mom." When asked what he wanted for his birthday, he responded, "UHNU." I think in 14 year old male grunting, that translates to "I'm not sure what I want, mom."

Finally after much discussion (I used words, he grunted), we bought him a new video game, and added a phone to the family plan so he no longer has to share with his sister, since sharing isn't really how I would describe their phone arrangement. She typically keeps the phone and allows him to make calls while she stares at him and waits. James was thrilled to get his own phone.

We gave him the choice of anywhere he wanted to eat, and the boy chose CiCi's pizza. I am not a fan. James however loved the idea of unlimited pizza and soft drinks. We came back home to an amazing Reese's peanut butter cup cake that Shawn made from scratch. YUMMY!

As we ate cake, we shared our favorite James moments. There are so many - the little boy memories of mudpies, imaginary friends, and sweet kisses. There's also the memories of him finding himself as a teen. We have had a lot of laughs the last few years on our commute to school and back.

It all made me think about how blessed I am to celebrate 14 years of motherhood today. It's not always an easy road, parenting four children. However, I love this crazy life. As I sit on the couch tonight and watch them play rockband, I remember the overwhelming love that I felt as each of them was laid into my arms. The years have flown by and I no longer kiss scraped knees and sing lullabies at night. Instead I mentor them through life impacting decisions and try hard to be their biggest fan. I am looking forward to our future as a family and am incredibly thankful to have the opportunity to be a mom.

Second Best

Cold weather is finally creeping into Texas. The grass was wet with a light frost Saturday morning, and my breath froze in a delicate fog. The fire crackled comfortingly in the fireplace for the first time this weekend. As the cold weather hits, I am reminded to be grateful for God's provision for my family. Tonight as I snuggle under my well worn comforter, in my toasty warm house, I am well aware that I am privileged to enjoy such luxuries.

This morning the chilly air sent me searching for a coat to wear to church. I reached into my closet and pulled out a dark red wool coat. This coat has hung in my closet for the last 18 years. 18 years ago, it was a beauty. I bought it at Dillards, and wore it with pride for many years. Today it is down to a single button, the lining is tattered, and the pockets torn. Though no longer very fashionable, it works great at blocking a cold wind.

This summer I heard of a family who lost everything in a fire. As I collected clothes from my closet to share with the family, I reached for the red coat. I knew that it wasn't anything special, but it would work if you didn't have anything better. I took the coat from the hanger, only to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, "When are you going to stop giving me your second best?" I was not excited about this particular urging. Giving away things one no longer wants is painless. But the Bible teaches that God receives sacrificial worship. I placed the red wool coat back into my closet and pulled out my nice, black, favorite leather coat and added it to the pile.

I do not tell this story to receive glory for myself. I tell the story to illustrate that God wants our very best. In my case, he wanted me to be willing to "get by" with the red coat and give away my favorite coat to someone with great need who would probably have been thankful to just "get by". For me, this was a mile marker event in my Christian faith. I have since begun to realize that my idea of sacrifice for Christ is embarrassingly tiny compared to the type of giving spirit demonstrated in scripture.

This winter every time I wear my old red coat, I want God to remind me about how he sent his very best for me.... Jesus. I want to remember that God is never selfish, and definitely never gives me anything that is second rate. I want to learn what it really means to live as a child of God. What does it really look like to live as though everything I own is simply on loan from God? What does it look like to simply be the steward, not the owner, of all that I have?

I have so far to go in this area of giving God my best. I tend to give God my left overs. He gets whatever time is left over at the end of my day, whatever energy I have left, whatever ministry I can squeeze in around my own personal schedule. I say this not with guilt, but with excitement. I am excited about how God is going to work in my life in this area. I am excited to see how God might use me for the kingdom if I become a little less selfish and a little less attached to my stuff and a little more free about giving to others.

I am silly, giddily excited that I kept the red coat for myself. In hindsight, it seems that giving away my best gave me the best blessing. So this winter as I wear my ancient red coat, I am looking forward to seeing how God is going to change my heart!

I

Monday Morning Update(s) 11.7.10

Being a student again is definitely getting in the way of my blogging habit. I seem to have time fitting in writing "just for fun" when I have long papers and projects due. I miss my blog time, the opportunity to unwind and empty all the crazy thoughts from my head.

The last two weeks at The Crossroads have been really great. Last weekend we hosted our third annual trunk or treat. I was amazed by the turnout this year. We gave away two hundred hot dogs in the blink of an eye (graciously donated by our local Brookshire's). The employees of the bank where we held our event counted over 400 people that visited their booth. But most amazing was seeing people linger and visit with their neighbors. When we first came to Anna the number one need marked on our 1000 door to door surveys was the need for community. As we continually host community events and get outside our walls (because we don't have any), I see community growing. Our city and other churches are also seeking to meet this need, and I think that families connecting is going to have a great positive impact on the community.


Our entire family dressed up this year for Trunk or Treat. It's been a very long time since we were all in costume. The oldest kids used to be too cool to dress up, and when they were all little, I was too cool to dress up. Check out the photos of our family- unfortunately they are a little blurry from my phone.
James was werewolf, Katie a vampire, Grace a flapper, and Abby was Dorothy.




Our little Dorothy didn't make it all the way to her bed, collapsing in exhaustion in the middle of the living room floor.








Shawn and I dressed as Two-face and bat woman. It was a last minute switch. The flapper costume was originally mine, but was a little snug. I appreciated my friend loaning me her bat woman costume to help me out. We had a lot of fun seeing our students and friends at the Trunk or Treat. My students were giggling for days on end about me being Bat woman!




The last two Sundays at The Crossroads have been great. Shawn preached last Sunday about the monster within us all - our sin nature. Then this week we started a three week series from Dave Ramsey about conquering debt so that we can use our finances for kingdom purposes. We want our people to get serious about tackling their financial bondage to credit cards. I know that we have struggled with debt in the last few years, and just in the last two years have been able to pay it down. I just now as I am writing realized the strangest thing - we took a gigantic pay cut to become church planters, and at the same time have not only paid our bills and got groceries on the table, but we have nearly paid off our debt. How cool is that! God definitely honors obedience!

I would ask that you pray for The Crossroads. We have been through hard times lately, and want to continue to serve faithfully. Our people are hurting, pray that we can help them to find healing in Christ.

Morning Dawns

Saturday morning, I laced up the sneakers and slipped out the door for an early morning run. As the first pink fingers of light touched the clouds, Paul Baloche's, "Your Name," played on the ipod. The opening line of the song is, "As morning dawns and evening fades, you inspire songs of praise." It was such a fitting moment that I stopped still in my tracks in awe. I watched the pink spread all across the sky and the evening roll away. I saw in that moment a reminder of how God works in life.

We have recently experienced rough times in our family, as well as our church family. We have had friends lose a baby, have another church member's teen son diagnosed with cancer, others confronted with debilitating illnesses, financial distress, and failed marriages. It has been an extremely dark time in our life and in our church family's life. Not that we are distant from God's presence, but we have suffered great amounts of crisis and pain.

I was reminded Saturday morning that MORNING DAWNS and EVENING FADES. Light comes, and darkness dissipates. I cannot allow discouragement to hold onto our lives. We must all press forward in the firm expectation that morning is on its way.

I thought about the story in the Bible about how the women with the hemorrhage pushed through the crowd, desperate for an opportunity to touch Jesus' garment. She did not give up until she was successful. I felt a very real sense of urgency to be that woman. Pursue God's presence with desperation and urgency. Do not be dissuaded from seeking his presence!

As I watched that sunrise, frozen in time and space, I saw the beauty of the light against the darkness. Without darkness, there is no beauty of a sunrise. It is in that first glorious moment of the light breaking the darkness with stunningly gorgeous color that is most amazing. If life was eternally sunny, we would not have the opportunity to fully recognize the beauty of the light. I am not saying that God delights in sending us difficulty, but I am saying that as we experience the difficulty that is a part of the normal human existence, it affords us the opportunity to more fully appreciate the beauty of God's love, mercy, and peace.

Monday Morning update 10.24.10

This morning Shawn opened a two week series entitled, "Monsters." I heard it was a great sermon about spiritual warfare. I think sometimes we underestimate the spiritual battles waging around us and wander through life unprepared and defenseless.

I was in children's this week. We were learning about how even a great hero like Moses still needed help in ministry. I enjoyed visiting with the children about what their favorite super heroes and their favorite real life heroes had in common. It was cool to see how many kids listed their parents as their real life heroes.

Tonight we had the opportunity to take part in a community service. It is always a great experience to worship with the other believers in our community. I especially enjoyed seeing a lady in her 90's still able to rock the baby grand. She slowly teetered to the piano carefully balanced on her walker, sat gingerly on the edge of the bench, and took a deep breath, and then magic flowed from her gnarled, arthritic fingers. I hope God grants me the ability to play until the end. What an amazing blessing in life!

It seems impossible that it is time for another week to begin. I am so far behind with my homework and term papers that it's not even funny, and at the same time I am swamped with work. Pray that I will find a way to get done what needs doing and the ability to make that discernment.

Do Over

As a kid, when something went wrong during a game at recess, somebody would holler, "Do over." That meant you got a second try at the game. In playground law, it was assumed that you deserved second chances.

As an adult, it seems that do overs are few and far between. It seems that our choices are weightier with tougher, more long term consequences. Maybe that's why getting a second chance is such a beautiful thing.

We have recently had deep, dark times with our teens. Without betraying their trust, I will simply say that it's easily been one of the hardest months of my life. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that God handed me a do over. So many times with teens you don't have the opportunity to repair what is broken, therefore I am very grateful for a second chance.

The catch of second chances is that they don't come easily or without sacrifice. For this season in our life, our children have expressed their primary need is more time at home - lots of time with our family. This means that I have given up journey groups, ministry opportunities, and friendships. For this season in our lives, I am digging in deeply and investing into my children. While I desperately miss my friends and getting to minister alongside Shawn, I am already seeing changes at our home.

Tonight I skipped James' game to bring the girls home. We picked up a few groceries at the store, turned on some music and danced, sang, and cooked supper together. As we laughed together at the dinner table, I realized that the lights are shining again in my girls' eyes. They are starting to feel loved and valued again. I have to say that the sparkles in their eyes make the sacrifices easy.

Tonight I was thankful that God is still a God of second chances. And that He gives us the good sense to seize them!