Morning Dawns

Saturday morning, I laced up the sneakers and slipped out the door for an early morning run. As the first pink fingers of light touched the clouds, Paul Baloche's, "Your Name," played on the ipod. The opening line of the song is, "As morning dawns and evening fades, you inspire songs of praise." It was such a fitting moment that I stopped still in my tracks in awe. I watched the pink spread all across the sky and the evening roll away. I saw in that moment a reminder of how God works in life.

We have recently experienced rough times in our family, as well as our church family. We have had friends lose a baby, have another church member's teen son diagnosed with cancer, others confronted with debilitating illnesses, financial distress, and failed marriages. It has been an extremely dark time in our life and in our church family's life. Not that we are distant from God's presence, but we have suffered great amounts of crisis and pain.

I was reminded Saturday morning that MORNING DAWNS and EVENING FADES. Light comes, and darkness dissipates. I cannot allow discouragement to hold onto our lives. We must all press forward in the firm expectation that morning is on its way.

I thought about the story in the Bible about how the women with the hemorrhage pushed through the crowd, desperate for an opportunity to touch Jesus' garment. She did not give up until she was successful. I felt a very real sense of urgency to be that woman. Pursue God's presence with desperation and urgency. Do not be dissuaded from seeking his presence!

As I watched that sunrise, frozen in time and space, I saw the beauty of the light against the darkness. Without darkness, there is no beauty of a sunrise. It is in that first glorious moment of the light breaking the darkness with stunningly gorgeous color that is most amazing. If life was eternally sunny, we would not have the opportunity to fully recognize the beauty of the light. I am not saying that God delights in sending us difficulty, but I am saying that as we experience the difficulty that is a part of the normal human existence, it affords us the opportunity to more fully appreciate the beauty of God's love, mercy, and peace.

Friday Night Lights

A pair of worn out sneakers on the feet, a little coldplay on the ipod, and the Friday night run begins. The weather is perfect - a cool breeze whipping through my hair and blowing across the sweat slipping down my arms - leaving goose bumps in its place.

But the most incredible part of the run is the lights. Not the streetlights, not the halloween lights on the neighbors' houses, but the stars. The stars are indescribable. They are crystal clear, distant, and bright. Running under the Friday night lights melts away the stress of life. For a few minutes there is no career, no parenting, no papers to write, nobody to please. For a few minutes it's just God and me, enjoying the stars.

Love me some Friday night lights - and you thought I was going to blog about football!

New Beginnings

Today dawned like most. I hit snooze a couple of times before dragging my butt out of bed. 4:15 is just way too early for me! I decided to skip P90X in favor of a good, long run. I sprinted out the door in my white t-shirt and gray shorts. I made great time for the first half mile. The rain fell gently at first, then turned into a downpour. I was glad it was dark so that my now drenched white t-shirt did not draw attention from passing motorists on their way to work.

As my run progressed into the second mile, my pace slowed against my will. I tried to speed up. Then my feet were walking. No matter what I tried, I could not make them run. By the time I could get home, I was stumbling. I was confused by the weakness in my legs, but dismissed it to working out too hard.

I made it to the shower, having to pause from dizziness. Shaking with chills, I wobbled into the shower. As the hot spray rolled over my chilled body, I opened my eyes, only to discover a large hairy spider by my feet. There's just something about being naked in a confined space with a big spider! I went all ninja on it with my super sized shampoo bottle. Creeped out, I hurried through my shower and headed back to my room to get ready.

That's when it hit. I made it to my bathroom before the nausea overtook my body. Then it all made sense to me why the run was so tough. My body was sick, I just didn't know it yet.

This is a long explanation of why I was laying flat on my back today with nothing to do but think. As I moved from couch to big chair and back today, feeling atrocious, I had the opportunity to take a really good look at my house. On the market less than a week, we came closer to terms with a buyer today. They have not decided for sure yet, but it made the sale of our home much more of a reality to me.

Living here now for over four years, this house holds a lot of incredible memories. Since our marriage, Shawn and I have moved often as we upgraded from apartments to a trailer, to a duplex, to our own home. In 17 years of marriage, this is the longest we have lived in one house.

As I looked around me, the kitchen table caught my eye. Memory after memory of amazing dinners came flooding back. We have laughed with the kids, we have played silly games, planned important events for The Crossroads, we have eaten gourmet romantic dinners, and entertained countless friends around my table in that kitchen. We have squished more people into that kitchen around the table than fire codes would allow, I'm sure!

Our kitchen has been a magic place. I often sit on a stool at the counter chatting with my husband, my best friend, while he cooks. We frequently laugh as I attempt to chop veggies for his latest creations. We taught our children to cook in this kitchen. We have danced many a night to some Norah and Buble while we cook dinner together. I have yelled, cried, laughed and danced with my children in that kitchen as well.

There are memories in every room in this house. Abby learning to crawl and then taking her first toddling steps, late nights of Shawn and I sipping coffee on the couch and dreaming big dreams of trying to reach a new community, and long hours at the piano talking and listening to God. In this home I discovered new passions and found my soul that was lost for a very, very long time. I rediscovered my love for writing, then branched out into a new hobby - running. In both of these hobbies, I reconnected with God and discovered rain for my soul after a long stay in the desert.

As selling became more of a reality today, I realized that I am yet again moving out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. I am excited about a new beginning in a new place. I hope that we are blessed with many years in our next home as well. I can't wait to be living with my tribe - our people in Anna. I know God has great and beautiful things in store. Today I used the time on my back to reflect, and I was extremely thankful for how God has blessed our family in the last four years. However, I am looking forward to a new beginning.

My deep running thoughts of the day

I often blog about the epiphanies that occur while I run. It is while I am sweating and breathing hard that my brain becomes quiet enough for God to speak, and because the chaos of my thoughts are still, I actually hear Him. It is a precious time, and it is often an unparalleled time of incredible intimacy with my Creator. However, lest you believe that I am always meeting with God while I run, I thought I would share my "deep" thoughts that I had on my run this morning.


I really do have to run. Here we go. Nope. Next mailbox, I'm really going to run this time. Okay, I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. Wonder if this shirt makes me look fat? Like there's anybody awake this early to see or even care.

Wonder if my running apps working? I've been running, like, forever and it hasn't even cued me that I've gone a tenth of a mile yet. Oh, there it is. Wish you could program the voice with different accents. "1.5 miles" in a russian accent....that would be great.

Gah, it's hot in Texas. I'm going to have to wake up earlier in the mornings to run. I'm not a morning person. Wonder what it feels like to be a morning person? I bet they feel the urge to do like a cheerleader high kick when they wake up. "WOOOOHOOOO - It's morning."

I can't breathe. (this thought crosses my mind as I'm seeing spots and my chest is burning). I wonder why asthma seems to be worse on the morning runs? Asthma sucks. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Ok, stop running and breathe. breathe. breathe. breathe. breathe. Ahhh, I'm breathing again....time to run. Oh crap, now I can't breathe again. (and the cycle repeats itself)

(Now having run for awhile) Wonder how much weight I'd have to lose for my thighs to stop rubbing together when I run? I bet running is more fun without chafing. Maybe I should get some of that anti-chafe stuff at the running store.

Wonder which girdle I'm going to have to wear to the wedding tonight with my dress? Wonder if my dress shows too much boob for a church where I used to be the pastor's wife? But Shawn really likes the dress...

Oh crap, I can't breathe again. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Gah, it's hot in Texas. You could fry eggs on the sidewalk. I'm so done. I'm going home.

Then I walked back home, laughing at my "deep" thoughts of the day. Thought some of you might laugh, too.

Summer Running

Fingers of purple crept across the evening sky as the clouds illuminated cotton candy pink from the setting sun. The air was damp, clinging to my skin as I ran. I only had fifteen minutes before time to say prayers with the little girls. Every minute had to count. I sprinted down the street, desperate to finish at least one lap before my time was up.

I set my ipod to shuffle, and let God choose the playlist for the run. Tonight the songs matched the fast pounding beat of my feet on the pavement - Bon Jovi, Huey Lewis, Evanescence, mixed with a little Crowder. The beat was hard, and pushed my stride. As I gasped for air, marveling at the magnificent sunset, the first bead of sweat ran down my shoulder. I was nearly there. Nearly to that moment that runners live for.

The cotton candy pink faded to deep crimson, then gradually dusk fell across the earth as I rounded the last curve. The first star peeped out in the distance as I stepped back into the driveway, sweat trickling down the small of my back. As the sweat began to pour, it happened. The stress of my day melted. Suddenly all that was left was a woman with no responsibility. Just a need to take another stride. In an instant I was beautiful and whole again, ready to face the world. Able to leap over building with a single bound.

I had forgotten how fantastic it feels to run on a summer night.

New shoes

Yesterday I headed down to RunOn! in Mckinney to get fitted for a pair of running shoes. My injured leg refuses to heal completely, probably in part because I have completely worn out my running shoes. It was an interesting experience.

I walked through the door in my jeans and T-shirt and both of the teens working behind the counter completely ignored me as I stood at the counter waiting for assistance. I guess I don't look like the running type. I am older and a little overweight instead of skinny, tan, young, and buff. An older guy finally offered to help me. He examined my current shoes to see where the wear and tear was on them, then had me walk around the store to study my gait. The longer we talked, the more excited he became. A serious runner, he was excited by my story of finding myself on the pavement.

I have been to try on shoes alone, and spent hours trying to find the perfect pair. The experience usually leaves me frustrated and dissatisfied. In contrast, he had me in three great options within 5 minutes. The difference in my shopping and his is that he is an expert at running gear. Knowing and listening to an expert can take you to new levels in life much faster than you could get there alone.

The most interesting thing about the visit? He spotted my cotton socks and said, "That's a huge part of your problem right there." Cotton socks tend to scootch around and bunch up under your feet as you run, creating chafing and blisters on long runs. I knew this from painful personal experience, but I had not realized there was an easy solution. I was so excited to find out that there are form fitted socks made for runners. They snugly hug your foot and don't bunch and they allow airflow through to your foot rather than absorbing all the sweat and chafing.

So where am I going with this? Of course it's more than a story about buying socks and shoes. I realized that finding experts with experience and listening to them can lead to much greater success in life. There are many times in life that we are in pain that we try to muddle through alone, when the fix is as simple as a new pair of socks. It made me stop and think about how much I try to get through life on my own. Generally speaking, I don't like to bother other people with my problems. Mostly because I like to appear as though I am very "with it" and "together." Pride.

Today I am thinking that maybe I should listen more and seek wisdom from others more often and not try to do this life thing alone.

Run With Me

Let's go. Throw on your shoes and let's hit the street. Let's run away from our stress and our burdens and our hurts. Let's connect with God and let Him speak to our soul. Let's discover God's heart and listen to Him pour out His love on us. Let's run into the wind and let it whip our hair and feel its sensual touch on our skin. Okay, so maybe you are working or busy or hate to exercise. Today you can come with me without ever leaving your comfy chair.

I started my morning with 2 cups of coffee. I knew as I drank the second cup that I would deeply regret it. I knew that by mile two I would have heartburn that felt like the fiery flames of hell in my throat, and that I would need to stop back by the house to pee, therefore messing up my running time. Of course I drank it anyway. And of course, both things became regrettably true.

While sitting in my comfy chair, drinking my coffee, I checked my weather app on my phone to see what I needed to wear. My weather app says 73 and sunny. It is a liar. I slid on my short shorts, with a green stripe. (I don't know why it mattered if they were green. Not like I needed to keep people from trying to chase me down and pinch me while I was running.) I hit the door and realized it was cloudy and cold and my legs were in danger of frostbite. I set my ipod to shuffle and headed out anyway.

As I walked the first half mile, I realized that this is my fourth season to experience while running. I started running last summer. Summer was a beautiful time to run. I usually waited until late at night after it cooled off some. I would marvel at the stunning clear summer night sky. The stars sparkled like diamonds as sweat trickled down my back and soaked my white T-shirt and tiny black shorts. Something about the combination of stars and sweat and a little Norah on the iPOD was amazing. The summer running helped me rediscover my beauty as a woman and to find confidence in my body - whatever lies the numbers on the scales try to tell me.

Gradually the hot days became cooler. I loved running in the fall. I loved watching leaves sail to the ground, one by one. I enjoyed the wind in my face, and I loved the vision of God putting the world to sleep while it waited for spring and new life. I also began to conquer distance. My running increased from seconds to minutes to miles. I found a steely strength and will power that I did not know I owned.

Wintertime running was not my favorite. Bottom line - it was cold and the cold air burned my lungs. But there was definitely something magical about running at Christmas. I loved running right at dusk and watching Christmas lights come on gradually throughout the neighborhood. Best of all, I finally achieved my goal of running 3 miles.

Springtime running may turn out to be the best. Every day that I run, I see new life popping out. It speaks so loudly of God and His creative power. I thought that today I would show you some favorite pieces of my run. So, ready, set, let's go.


These jonquils are the first sign of spring. When I was little girl they would start blooming across the yard right before the dogwood trees unfurled their beautiful colors. Seeing these today reminded me that there is always hope for the future, no matter how dry and brown and cold life becomes.


I was finally hitting my stride on my first running interval when I saw this tree. It was pruned back pretty hard because of so much deadness in the branches. As I passed it, I noticed the new growth. It reminded me that as God painfully prunes away deadness in my life and in my heart, He does so that I may experience new and beautiful growth.







As I was discussing the pain involved in this process with God, I saw something else that made me stop and think. Pruning and its subsequent growth can only occur as we are surrendered fully to the process. I probably struggle more with surrender than with any other issue in my walk with Christ. I love to try to boss God about how to best work in my life and in my future. I have to constantly be reminded that yielding is absolutely necessary to experience the best that God has for me.




This was my favorite moment today. I was rounding the corner, pushing hard to conquer the hill coming up, when I saw the sign. It's been there forever, but today I really saw it. Pushing up this hill is consistently one of the hardest, but favorite parts of my runs. I realized that many times God sends me in directions that look to be dead ends. A wise person might turn back and look for a different road, but it is in following God down some insanely crazy paths, that I have seen the greatest beauty in life. Seeing the dead end sign with the beautifully alive blooming tree behind it reminded me of all the times that I have found healing and and amazing new life when I when I've gone down what looked to be hopelessly dead ends. What looks crazy and impossible to me is often the very thing that God is planning to use to change my life the most.

Running today, God used things along the way to remind me that He is not finished in my life. That the areas of my life that seem the driest and deadest are the areas where He is getting ready to restore new life. The pruning that has to happen prior to new life can be painful, but it is necessary. The paths that God set before me that seem to be impossible dead ends are usually are the ways to new experiences that are beautiful and teach me so much about God and His love and His beauty.

Hope you enjoyed running with me today. It was a great one! Maybe next time you'll grab your sneakers and join me on the street.

Monday Morning Update 3/7/10

Sometimes I wonder what God sees when he looks at us. I was asking Him that question today as I was limping through my run. Coming back from an injury is so frustratingly slow and painful, but the pain drives me to focus my mind on Christ. It was while I was replaying today's services in my head so that I could tolerate the pain, that God answered that question for me. I was so surprised, and then amazed and humbled by the beauty He revealed.

The services today at The Crossroads were amazing. It was all beautiful, whether I think through Shawn's sermon about grace, or the congregation singing, "Grace like rain, it falls down on me," and rain starting to hit the roof as we sang, or the children's excitement about their worship and lesson. But none of those things came to my mind as I was running today.

At The Crossroads today we took communion. Many new friends were taking communion with us today for the first time. As Shawn talked about the significance of the elements, I stood on stage, emotionally watching our congregation come forward to pick up their bread and juice. The line stretched out and around the chairs and went on and on. But I sensed that there was even more beauty to the moment than I was grasping. But I did not understand until just a few moments ago.

I was listening to Leeland, "Tears of the Saints," as I rounded mile number 2. Most of it was walking, I was just slowly jogging short bursts to try to rebuild my stamina. Then God started answering my question about what He sees when He looks at us. (click the link to give the song a listen, so you can immerse yourself into my head and relive the moment with me.)



As I was limping and listening, God showed me the beauty from the morning. The people filing by the table picking up the bread and the juice, many of them are new to Christianity, or have returned to their faith after years and years away from church. Most of them have experienced unbelievable, agonizing pain in their lives - whether through an addiction, abuse, failed marriages, or a myriad of other disappointments. Many of them were badly burned at some point by a church in their past and attending The Crossroads is their first step toward seeking healing.

As I was limping through a turn on my route, I realized that most of them are limping too. Some of them are just slightly gimpy legged, (like me running), but some of them are using canes, some walkers, and some are in emotional wheelchairs, being pushed forward by their encouraging friends. But all of them are walking forward, many for the first time in many years, all in stages of healing from their wounds and their past. I realized that when God watched our services this morning, He saw people who were once crippled -walk; and people who were once blind -see; and people who were once deaf - hear. God saw people walking forward in their lives, away from the darkness in their past, and into the light of His presence. And He rejoiced. God delights in watching His people seek Him. He loves to help us discover His heart.

When Jesus healed the lame, they got up and danced. It was a very visible outward change. I realized today that many of our people are being healed in ways just as real, but because we cannot see manifestations in the physical realm, we forget to give God the glory that He deserves. This afternoon as I was running, I was reminded that God needed some praise for the healing He is doing in lives at The Crossroads. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful!

I just can't help myself

Sharing our deepest hurts has opened up amazing doors for ministry. We are seeing our people - for the first time ever in ministry - be open and honest and totally real. No more masks. That's amazing. I am so thankful for all of this. However, digging it all back up again after seven years has been exhausting. I guess it's like this: digging up anything that's been dead for seven years is gonna stink. Even if you're digging it up to find the buried treasure.

Walk on Water

A migraine snuck up and slammed me in the head this morning. I woke up at 4:43 with a tightness in my scalp that signals a bad one is coming. I was too sleepy to get up out of bed and go take anything right that second, and I lived to regret it. By 8:00 I was miserable, by 9:00 it was unbearable, and by 10:00 I was confused and disoriented. Yes, I know it is past time to go back to the doctor. I just hate that place, but I now need something better than the over the counter medicine he recommended a few years ago.

I bumped into my masseuse at a house warming party for a friend. She worked on my pressure points for about 15 minutes, bringing a small measure of relief. I was able to remember how to find my way home and think coherently for the most part, in spite of the excruciating pain.

When I got home, I was desperate for relief. I decided to try running. Endorphins, right? Well, running with a migraine is more painful than childbirth - I've done that 4 times, I should know. The jostling makes the pain worse, to the point where all I could do was count my breaths in and out and try not to vomit from the pain. In my haste to run, I set my ipod to shuffle random songs, hoping that the music would be soothing. Sometimes that helps. Instead it was a hard pumping Audio Adrenaline song.

I have not listened to Audio Adrenaline in many, many years, and their songs are not in any of my favorite playlists on the ipod. However, a random shuffle pulls up anything in the entire library of music, and "Walk on Water" came on. At .5 miles, I realized I had been listening to the same song the entire time. See what I mean, my processing is greatly impaired when I have a migraine - It takes me about 7 minutes to go .5 miles.

I'm not sure how it got stuck on the loop track, but to change the setting after I've turned on my GPS function on my phone will erase my running data that I am charting online. So I just kept listening. Somewhere around the first mile, God reminded me of our call into church planting, "Get out of the boat, get ready for the call, I'm going to show you how to walk on water." I thought about how many times this last 18 months God had done exactly that. He has used us in ways we never, ever dreamed that he would. But the strange thing was the thought that chased after those remembrances. It was God, I think. "I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."

What the heck? What have we been doing? What are You fixing to do, God? I'm afraid. I'm already in way over my head. I already feel like I'm drowning so many days as we try to figure out this living missionally thing.

God's response, "I said, I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."

Okay. To quote my favorite pastor, I guess wet underwear is better than splinters in my butt from the safe boat. My answer in advance is yes. Let's go. But You have to help me to be obedient even when I'm afraid of the unknown.

After running nearly 2 miles, I returned to the house for an hour of brutal weight lifting. By the end of some long stretches afterwards, my headache is significantly better. It's not completely gone, but I should be able to function. Now my mind is just racing around that voice I heard, wondering what it all means. Or maybe it was just a crazy thought in my head, brought on by the meds and the pain.

Look!

One of the things that Shawn mentioned today in his sermon was how often Jesus "looked" or "saw" in scripture. His eyes were always open, and His life was always available. This afternoon, I reluctantly slid into my running shoes and cracked open the door to greet a cold, wet run. I was not excited about this at all. Boy, was I wrong. I had not run long when I heard God remind me to look. Normally as I run, God speaks and I listen, or I vent and God listens, but today as I ran I just looked.

When I looked, I saw the amazing beauty of creation. I mean, really saw it. I felt like a blind woman who has suddenly been given back her sight. I looked at the trees in my neighborhood. Every tree is unique. There are trees with red leaves, trees with brown leaves, trees with no leaves, and trees with green leaves. There are thin, tall trees, short, fat trees, old, gnarled trees, leaning trees, baby trees, ornamental, well-groomed trees, and dying trees. I watched stormy black clouds roll into the sky and noticed the variety in the clouds. I felt the cold drops of rain stinging my lips and realized that each drop of rain only has the opportunity to fall one time.

I watched darkness envelop my community and Christmas lights come on, one house at a time. As I listened to some Norah Jones and Kenny G at the end of my run, I was awed by the beauty of the Christmas lights against God's masterpiece of creation. As beautiful as the lights were, they did not match the beauty of what God had created.

I am so grateful that at this season in my life I have finally discovered running. There are not words to describe the sensual feeling of wind whipping my hair, rain trickling down my skin, and music playing in my ears. I return from every run relaxed and ready to tackle life again. Running reminds me that I am more than a career, a mom, a maid, or a wife. I am a woman - a piece of God's valuable and beautiful creation. For all of my flaws and mistakes and craziness, God loves me more than I can ever grasp or understand. As a raindrop splashed against my lips tonight, I was reminded that like a raindrop only falls once, my life can only be lived once. I want God to use it for His honor and glory. Make it count.

Monday Morning Laugh

Many of my readers are close personal friends who know and love me. For those readers who do not know me well, you must understand that my friends live to laugh at me. I have never quite outgrown that clumsy and awkward stage we all went through in puberty. I still fall down, run into objects, crash into doorways, and have total ditsy moments. I would love to be graceful, sophisticated, beautiful, and athletic. However, God did not design me exactly like that. Fortunately my husband finds it preciously and adorably attractive (don't know why?) and my friends seem to love me anyway. Since so many of you love a laugh at my expense, I'm going to share a story from the other night.

I've been having to run after dark since the time change. The other night, I was running through a particularly dark spot on my road while listening to the new Kutless album. To understand this story, you will need to listen to "It is Well," especially the first few seconds before the full bands kicks in.



As I was listening to those first few moments of the choir singing, I heard footsteps. Remember that the street was dark, and I was alone. The footsteps grew increasing louder. I began to freak out. I decided that a stalker was about to nab me. I screamed and turned around ready to fight off whoever dared to attack me. The street was empty. I was confused - I knew I had just heard footsteps. Then I heard a door open. I realized that the door opening and the footsteps were sound effects on the Kutless song. I was totally and completely scared out of my mind by "It is Well." Now I can't listen to it without busting out in laughter.

Great album, by the way. Definitely worth the 10 bucks. However, I will say that I slightly prefer the new Crowder "Church Music" album.

Monday Morning Update 11.1.09

November already? How can that be? It was another busy and fun weekend at The Crossroads.

Saturday night The Crossroads sponsored a trunk or treat at one of the local banks. Shawn was the Incredible Hulk, and I was Wonder Woman. Pictures are all over his facebook page if you want to see what we looked like. I think his favorite part of the event was my costume. My favorite part of the event was watching community happen. Our people were visiting with people from the community, and neighbors were meeting each other and making new friends. I love that The Crossroads shares Jesus, but that we also seek to connect neighbors to one another. We want to build relationships, even if those people never come to The Crossroads.

We had tons of new faces join us today for worship. As I stood on stage, waiting for the opening video to finish, I looked at the people in the room. I am privileged to know people's stories. It's one of my greatest blessings of being in the ministry. I looked around and saw a woman battling a substance addiction, but then I looked again and saw a woman who has been sober for over 10 years love on her. It can't be an accident that God brought them together. I saw couples struggling for their marriage, and I looked around the room and saw couples that God has redeemed their marriages and thought that it can't be an accident God connected those families. I saw many terrible and ugly issues in people's lives, but I also saw others in the room who have fought the exact same battle, and walked away whole. As I looked at the crowd, I was awed that God had orchestrated events so precisely at that very moment so that people were connecting with exactly the right people at exactly the right time.

Shawn baptized a young boy today who recently became a believer in Jesus Christ. When Shawn asked him if he had made Jesus the leader of his life and the forgiver of his sins, the little boy said, "I swear." Then he refused to let Shawn dunk him, and instead dunked himself face first in the little bitty portable baptistery (think medium sized wading pool). It was awesome! I love kids!

Loved worship today. We did a new Crowder song, "How he loves." It is one of many new songs on the Crowder album "Church Music" that I really like. I've enjoyed running to the Crowder album this week. I am so excited as I watch where God is taking us as a band. Some cool stuff on the way.

Shawn preached another amazing sermon in the series "Chase the Lion." He talked about taking risks in order to follow Christ. That is not the same as taking risks for the sake of being risky. But following Christ often involves a great deal of travel into the unknown, and that can be terrifying for those who need to know all the details up front. One of Shawn's all time best lines that I use all the time comes from this sermon. He was talking about Peter walking on the water. Yes he sank for a few minutes, but he was the only disciple that day who walked back to the boat on the water alongside Christ. Shawn says, "I'd rather have wet underwear from walking with Christ than splinters in my butt from sitting in the boat." LOVE that line!

I am excited about where God is going with The Crossroads as he brings in new people, and calls and gifts existing members for more extensive ministry commitments. There's lots and lots of amazingly awesome stuff bubbling just under the surface. I can't wait to see where God is going with it all.

On a personal note - for those of you who are keeping up with my quest to create a healthy body that is ready in an instant to go when God says go - Tonight I ran 3 miles!!!!!! The whole 3 miles. No stops, no rest, no pauses, just running and running and running. My time was slow. My speed was a creepingly slow shuffling run. But it was a run. I was so proud of myself. When I started running in June, I struggled to complete a 60 second running interval. Tonight I ran for 42 minutes without stopping. Yes, I stood under the street light for a few minutes and cried. They were tears of joy, accomplishment, and even pain. When I stopped, my legs have never been so weak and shaky. It was all I could do not to collapse in the street.

When I started my run, my intention was to go a mile. Than I wanted to see if maybe I could go just another half mile. Then 2 miles. Then I realized I might be able to run the whole thing. The last mile was sheer grit and determination as I placed one foot in front of the other. My form was sloppy, my gait wobbly, my breathing ragged, but I finished. It makes me think that sometimes following Christ is like that. There are days in my Christian walk that I do more and go places that I never thought I could, and sometimes the only way to get there is with absolutely sheer determination that no matter what, I will follow. I will not stop seeking God. I will pursue my God. I will not be deterred.

In this quest for physical fitness, pray that I will not be confused about my goal. While weight loss is exciting and buying small clothes is cool, it is not my purpose. My purpose is to create a body that is fit enough to be able to say yes to anything God needs me to do. The longer I work out, and the more results I see, the harder it is for me to maintain a wise and healthy perspective on my body. It is incredibly challenging to see beauty instead of my physical flaws. I am thankful for a specific girlfriend who is quietly counting my calories during the week - to make sure I'm eating. And who is lovingly confronting me when I lose my perspective, become consumed with my flaws, fall off into stupidity and don't eat. I have learned that an eating disorder can be managed, but it rarely disappears. It is a monster that lives in a closet in my head. Most of the time the closet is chained, locked, and guarded and the monster is silenced. But on occasion it breaks free and has to be subdued all over again. I am lately reminded of how great my God is that He can bring healing and freedom to the darkest of our darknesses.

Wow, I really wandered off onto a tangent there. And it's all online. That's some pretty heavy stuff right there. I am not hitting delete simply because I feel strongly impressed to share my struggles tonight.

Running with God

I had the opportunity to attend a Tenth Avenue North concert last night. Loved getting to hear Brenton Brown as well, and the opener chick (Audrey Assad) was unbelievably good. However, it was way after midnight when I got to bed. And I had been up since 4:30. I turned off the alarm, looking forward to some good sleeping in on a rainy morning.

My God had other plans. I woke up this morning around 5:30 and could not go back to sleep. I tried to lay in bed and listen to the rain and relax, but my body was screaming to go run. I was determined to ignore it till at least 7, but then God began to talk. "Come on, let's go for a run. Just you and me."

Since my kitchen timer has disappeared (I suspect friends who are embarrassed by my ghetto running), I am having to listen to the ipod on my phone and use its timer. I can't do Pandora and use the timer at the same time, can't have 2 apps open simultaneously. I scrolled down to my playlist that I recently posted on itunes, "LaRissa's worship stuff" and hit shuffle.

I barely had time to finish my 3 minute walking warm-up before I was lost in worship and needed to run. That first run interval was 10 minutes. No lie. I just doubled my running time. After that I alternated 2-3 minute running with 1-2 minutes of walking. It was a great run.

When I left the house, darkness engulfed me. Literally, emotionally, and spiritually. The air was heavy with humidity, but there wasn't a drop of rain falling. I felt a little cheated that I wasn't going to get to run in the rain. Then God taught me an amazing lesson. Daylight crept in slowly as I ran that second mile. I couldn't see the sun, but my path became clearer and better lit. It was not bright, but I could find my way. Just because I can't see God doesn't mean that He's not lighting my way.

This is my life right now. I am having issues with not being able to fully see God's plan in my life, and have been horribly discouraged. God reminded me that I do not have to see the full light of his plan to trust him and begin following him. I began running while it was still dark. It was only after 30 minutes that I could clearly see where I was going, and even then I did not have the full light of the day. I do not have to see where we are going to be able to worship Him.

On this note of surrender, I ran up "the hill" - the one where I had the incredible running in the rain experience several weeks ago. The same song "All these Words" began to play as the rain began to pour. Well of course then I couldn't head home as God used the rain to remind me how much He loves me. It was, for me, such an amazing gift of His love and His presence this morning. I was a reminder that God's got my life in his hands, all I need to do is run after Him and pursue Him with love and passion. Then the next song, "Bring the Rain" began to play. (Another song from the running in the rain day) I ran and cried. And cried and ran, long past my three mile mark but unable to give up being in God's presence. More good stuff played in my headphones as I worshiped a God that created the stars and loves me. Crowder's new song "How He Loves" and Starfield's, "Holy Is Our God."

I can't express to you how amazed I was this morning as I realized that I was not running alone. I am not running alone as my feet are hitting the pavement, and I am not running alone as I muddle through this thing called life. God is running alongside me. I don't get it. I don't get how in the world a God who could be spending time with anybody on the planet would ever choose to spend time with me. And not just a casual encounter here and there in my life, but actually a very real physical experience of His love pouring out on me as the rain soaked through my clothes and dripped off my skin. So I don't understand it at all, but I am so very grateful that God is teaching me what it means to fall desperately and hopelessly in love with Him. And what it feels like to experience Him loving me.

So my prayer is that God would rain down on us all. God, pour out your love, your hope, your grace and your presence at The Crossroads tomorrow. But God, I don't wait until tomorrow to spend more time with you. Seek me out today and help me to search for your heart and your purposes today. God remind me continually of your greatness and your might and your power and your love. Your unbelievably beautifully amazing love. Thank you that you are still in the business of bringing beauty from ashes.

Baby Steps

My running is coming along fairly well. When I started a month ago, I ran 1 minute without stopping. This week I upped it to 5 minutes. Huge progress for this chunky chick. I'm loving running. It's an amazing stress reliever for me and helps me empty my mind and focus solely on God's voice. Well, except for the nights when I'm in the mood for some sexy tunes while I'm running under the stars. Then I'm running with some Norah in the headphones. There's just something different about running in the early morning before everyone awakes and under the star studded night sky. Don't know why. I like both for very different reasons.

This week when I upped my running from 2 minute to 5 minute intervals I really thought hard about how that applies to the Christian walk. When I started running, I began with baby steps. I ran slowly for short periods of time. I did not, and still do not have the stamina to run 3 miles yet. I have to work up to the long mileage. I was thinking about how we expect believers to accept Christ and have the knowledge and stamina to know how to follow Him. I realized that new believers begin with baby steps and grow slowly toward an entirely faith filled lifestyle. I am still often slowly walking toward Christ instead of passionately running to him.

I also thought about how lonely it is to run alone. Honestly, sometimes it's just freakishly scary. I was run off the road the other night by some teenage kids. And yet somehow we expect new believers to run the journey all alone. I love that The Crossroads seems to have a heart for running alongside people. I watch our congregation support one another in awe of the beautiful things God is doing. I want us to continually seek ways to run alongside each other.

Crossing over to the dark side

I have officially crossed over to the dark side. I absolutely love to run. I love that moment when I push my body hard enough that my brain becomes completely silent. The only sensations are the feeling of my feet hitting the pavement, and the burning of my chest as my breathing becomes labored. I love the wind whipping through my hair and best of all - being united with God's heart in worship.

For many years when I read in the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." I thought that meant to sit still, but even when I sit still I cannot make my mind be still. Even in prayer, my thoughts wander. I can be earnestly praying about a heavy need and next thing I know I'm planning my next reading group or worse, thinking sinful thoughts of some sort. Running is the only thing that I have discovered as a way to make my mind be still.

I started running 6 years ago when I was having a rough time in my marriage. I ran so that I did not have to think about all the garbage in my life. I ran to escape my life. But slowly the running turned into listening for God's opinion of the situation, being still enough in my mind to hear his voice. It dramatically changed my life, and I loved it. But then I started working and could no longer manage to schedule my run into my life. That first year of teaching is a killer.

This summer I have mostly done workout videos in the house because of the heat, but on these cooler days I am tying on my shoes and hitting the pavement. I am working on an interval plan that will have me running three miles in 12 weeks. Today I upped my running time and did quite well. Today I remembered how much I love to run. And how much easier it is to listen to God when my mind is not cluttered.

I figured out today that I could shuffle my Pandora stations to have a wider variety of worship music to listen to as I ran. That was cool. But the moment that really got to me was as I was running and listening to Tomlin's "How Great is our God" a cold wind began to blow. In perfect synchronization with the music's build, the wind increased until the trees were all bending over. I saw in that moment a picture of the day when all of creation will bow before our King. But what was even more amazing was that as the music shifted into "The Wonderful Cross," the wind continued to blow in my face and whip my hair into my eyes, but the trees were barely ruffled. It reminded me that Scripture talks about the Spirit as a "Great and Rushing Wind". As I listened to the music, God reminded me all over again that He has purchased my life to use as He wills. I need to be surrendered to Him and listening closely for directions from the One who set me free.

I will say a word of caution - as the trees were bowing, I got pretty lost in worship and instinctively closed my eyes and raised my hands. That's not a wise decision if you are running down a roughly paved road. I did not fall, but the stumble was pretty big. Some of you would have fallen from laughing so hard. The guy watering his yard was pretty tickled, and he doesn't even know me!

I love to see worship becoming more and more a part of my everyday life and not something that is isolated to Sunday morning. I love this new intimacy in my encounters with God. Even though I would love to stay in this moment with God, maybe wander over to the piano and continue worshiping, I have to get dressed and head to work. I do want you to know, especially you Crossroadies that are readers, I constantly pray as I worship alone in the middle of my everyday life that God will also bring you into worship. So that even though I may be worshiping alone, our hearts can be joined together in worship in God's throne room. And I desperately want each of you to be meeting with God in this beautiful and amazing way. Love you all. LaRissa