My third child, Mary Katherine, turned 10 yesterday. It made me feel so very ancient. I still see myself as the young mom with small children, but somehow time has slipped through my fingers and my toddlers are now adolescents.
Katie was my third child in three years. She was an unexpected event in my life. I was considering the possibility of adding another child to our family, but planned to wait at least 2 or 3 years until the other kids were potty trained. However, God's plan was not my plan, and He blessed me with an absolutely beautifully amazing daughter.
I was shocked to realize that I was pregnant, with Grace just a year old and James not even 2. Then the morning sickness set in, and it was unbelievably horrific. As I alternated laying in the bathroom floor hugging the toilet with laying on the edge of my bed vomiting into a bowl for 16 weeks, I was very unsure about God's timing on this third baby. I couldn't care for myself, much less two small children. But the morning (all day and all night) sickness ended, and I began to enjoy the baby moving and accept that we were gaining another child into our family.
Katie arrived after a brief induction on April 6, 2000. She was 9lbs, 5 oz. with a head full of fuzzy black hair. She was stunningly beautiful. We had a few rough weeks at the beginning. She could not create a strong enough suction to breastfeed, or to even suck from a bottle. I fed her with a syringe for a couple of weeks until she could take a bottle, and gave her a bottle until she could finally breastfeed. I spent my days hooked up to an electric pump, putting the milk into syringes, slowly feeding her, then hooking up again to get the milk for the next feeding. She was jaundiced, and had to be held on a blanket filled with special lights 24 hours a day for the first couple of weeks.
Anybody surprised that postpartum depression hit me hard? 3 tiny children, 700 square feet of living space, no sleep, and no relief from the stress.
But like most things, the challenging part passed quickly. Katie learned to eat more easily, and we resumed our life. I spent my days reading, singing, and playing with my kids. We went for long walks at the park, taking a sack of old bread to feed the ducks. We explored kid friendly museums, and visited every playground around. We played pooh sticks on a little bridge on the seminary campus, and found ways to have adventures every day - even with no money.
Katie was blessed with a unique personality. She is a container of pure joy. She is positive and happy nearly all the time. She delights in life and in other people. She loves to be able to create beautiful art to share with others. Katie is gifted with a sense of color and design. It is like God filled her up to the brim with beauty, and it spills over into everything she does. We call her tinkerbell, because as a tiny little girl she said, "thank you," all the time. Only in her wee little voice, it sounded like, "tink um." So her Daddy began to call her Tinkerbell and it stuck.
Katie has been an absolute miraculous delight in my life. She innately senses when things are wrong, and seeks to comfort. She looks for ways to make dull situations fun, and delights in living life to the fullest. I did not understand God's plan at the time, but I cannot imagine a more amazing little girl. I am so glad that God placed her into our lives. Happy Birthday, Tinkerbell.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday Morning Update 4/5/10
Easter weekend is one of the busiest, and most beautiful weekends in the ministry. We had the opportunity to share a gigantic Easter egg hunt with our community. I absolutely love getting out and meeting new families. It is also very special to me to recognize many of the faces in the crowd and to be able to call them friends. It is cool that in less than 2 years, a crowd of strangers is becoming a community of friends.
Saturday evening we visited with friends and watched "The Passion." That God would choose that for Himself so that He could have a relationship with me is incredible. How many relationships do we have that we would even sacrifice at all to maintain? Usually if we get "done wrong" or our feeling get hurt or we don't feel loved, we just ditch that friend and move on. I'm so glad that God didn't just ditch the human race, but He did what it took to restore us.
Sunday morning was a little rough before services. Most of our ministry leaders had experienced some type of major set back before arrival - whether electronics crashing, or difficult conversations with family or friends, health issues, or stuff with kids. That is fairly par for the course on Easter Sunday morning for people in the ministry, but our newer leaders were a little caught off guard. I don't usually think about warning them about the spiritual warfare side of leadership in the ministry.
However, the services themselves went really well. I thought the worship set came together very well. I loved "There will be a day" by Jeremy Camp and "True Love" by Phil Wickham. I was nervous about doing two new songs on Easter, but thought they turned out great. I love to see our people engage in worship. I love to see them falling in love with Jesus.
I worked in children's this week, so I missed the sermon. I am confident that Shawn did a superb job of sharing the good news that Jesus is alive and how that impacts our lives. Children's went well. I had as many kids in my 2nd-3rd grade small group as I used to have in the entire children's ministry just a few months ago. I enjoy getting to interact with the kids. Their enthusiasm is refreshing and energizing.
Our family enjoyed eating lunch with a couple of other families from our church. I appreciate being included in other people's holidays since we are far away from our own family. It is always special to me when people reach out to our family and invite us into their homes. I love getting to know people on a deeper level than what is possible in just a few minutes on Sunday morning.
I love church planting. I love reaching families that have never been to church, or who have been out of church for a long time. I love the people that I do ministry with, that share my passion and zeal for other people. I love that we focus hard on reaching out into the community, and less on making ourselves comfortable.
I am excited about the future of The Crossroads. It's the adventure of a lifetime.
Saturday evening we visited with friends and watched "The Passion." That God would choose that for Himself so that He could have a relationship with me is incredible. How many relationships do we have that we would even sacrifice at all to maintain? Usually if we get "done wrong" or our feeling get hurt or we don't feel loved, we just ditch that friend and move on. I'm so glad that God didn't just ditch the human race, but He did what it took to restore us.
Sunday morning was a little rough before services. Most of our ministry leaders had experienced some type of major set back before arrival - whether electronics crashing, or difficult conversations with family or friends, health issues, or stuff with kids. That is fairly par for the course on Easter Sunday morning for people in the ministry, but our newer leaders were a little caught off guard. I don't usually think about warning them about the spiritual warfare side of leadership in the ministry.
However, the services themselves went really well. I thought the worship set came together very well. I loved "There will be a day" by Jeremy Camp and "True Love" by Phil Wickham. I was nervous about doing two new songs on Easter, but thought they turned out great. I love to see our people engage in worship. I love to see them falling in love with Jesus.
I worked in children's this week, so I missed the sermon. I am confident that Shawn did a superb job of sharing the good news that Jesus is alive and how that impacts our lives. Children's went well. I had as many kids in my 2nd-3rd grade small group as I used to have in the entire children's ministry just a few months ago. I enjoy getting to interact with the kids. Their enthusiasm is refreshing and energizing.
Our family enjoyed eating lunch with a couple of other families from our church. I appreciate being included in other people's holidays since we are far away from our own family. It is always special to me when people reach out to our family and invite us into their homes. I love getting to know people on a deeper level than what is possible in just a few minutes on Sunday morning.
I love church planting. I love reaching families that have never been to church, or who have been out of church for a long time. I love the people that I do ministry with, that share my passion and zeal for other people. I love that we focus hard on reaching out into the community, and less on making ourselves comfortable.
I am excited about the future of The Crossroads. It's the adventure of a lifetime.
Friday, April 2, 2010
New shoes
Yesterday I headed down to RunOn! in Mckinney to get fitted for a pair of running shoes. My injured leg refuses to heal completely, probably in part because I have completely worn out my running shoes. It was an interesting experience.
I walked through the door in my jeans and T-shirt and both of the teens working behind the counter completely ignored me as I stood at the counter waiting for assistance. I guess I don't look like the running type. I am older and a little overweight instead of skinny, tan, young, and buff. An older guy finally offered to help me. He examined my current shoes to see where the wear and tear was on them, then had me walk around the store to study my gait. The longer we talked, the more excited he became. A serious runner, he was excited by my story of finding myself on the pavement.
I have been to try on shoes alone, and spent hours trying to find the perfect pair. The experience usually leaves me frustrated and dissatisfied. In contrast, he had me in three great options within 5 minutes. The difference in my shopping and his is that he is an expert at running gear. Knowing and listening to an expert can take you to new levels in life much faster than you could get there alone.
The most interesting thing about the visit? He spotted my cotton socks and said, "That's a huge part of your problem right there." Cotton socks tend to scootch around and bunch up under your feet as you run, creating chafing and blisters on long runs. I knew this from painful personal experience, but I had not realized there was an easy solution. I was so excited to find out that there are form fitted socks made for runners. They snugly hug your foot and don't bunch and they allow airflow through to your foot rather than absorbing all the sweat and chafing.
So where am I going with this? Of course it's more than a story about buying socks and shoes. I realized that finding experts with experience and listening to them can lead to much greater success in life. There are many times in life that we are in pain that we try to muddle through alone, when the fix is as simple as a new pair of socks. It made me stop and think about how much I try to get through life on my own. Generally speaking, I don't like to bother other people with my problems. Mostly because I like to appear as though I am very "with it" and "together." Pride.
Today I am thinking that maybe I should listen more and seek wisdom from others more often and not try to do this life thing alone.
I walked through the door in my jeans and T-shirt and both of the teens working behind the counter completely ignored me as I stood at the counter waiting for assistance. I guess I don't look like the running type. I am older and a little overweight instead of skinny, tan, young, and buff. An older guy finally offered to help me. He examined my current shoes to see where the wear and tear was on them, then had me walk around the store to study my gait. The longer we talked, the more excited he became. A serious runner, he was excited by my story of finding myself on the pavement.
I have been to try on shoes alone, and spent hours trying to find the perfect pair. The experience usually leaves me frustrated and dissatisfied. In contrast, he had me in three great options within 5 minutes. The difference in my shopping and his is that he is an expert at running gear. Knowing and listening to an expert can take you to new levels in life much faster than you could get there alone.
The most interesting thing about the visit? He spotted my cotton socks and said, "That's a huge part of your problem right there." Cotton socks tend to scootch around and bunch up under your feet as you run, creating chafing and blisters on long runs. I knew this from painful personal experience, but I had not realized there was an easy solution. I was so excited to find out that there are form fitted socks made for runners. They snugly hug your foot and don't bunch and they allow airflow through to your foot rather than absorbing all the sweat and chafing.
So where am I going with this? Of course it's more than a story about buying socks and shoes. I realized that finding experts with experience and listening to them can lead to much greater success in life. There are many times in life that we are in pain that we try to muddle through alone, when the fix is as simple as a new pair of socks. It made me stop and think about how much I try to get through life on my own. Generally speaking, I don't like to bother other people with my problems. Mostly because I like to appear as though I am very "with it" and "together." Pride.
Today I am thinking that maybe I should listen more and seek wisdom from others more often and not try to do this life thing alone.
Daybreak
Daybreak. It's one of my favorite times of the day. I love to be lazily sipping my coffee and watching the sun come up. The sunrise is always a reminder to me that God is bigger than I am and that He is much more beautiful and magnificent than I can fathom. There is a stunning stillness in nature right before dawn. The animals are silent and the only sounds come from the whistle of the wind through the trees. It is an almost magical moment in time.
2000 years ago, during this magical hour, Jesus was on trial. Reading John's account this morning in chapter 18 and 19, I am struck by some very critical moments. After Jesus' arrest, he is taken to the Jewish religious leader. Late at night, he is questioned about his ministry and his motives. The priest is trying to kill Jesus, but he needs evidence to prevent outcries from the masses. Reading Jesus' responses this morning intrigued me. I guess the intrigue is that I realized that Jesus was not trying to defend himself, he was trying to get convicted so that he could pay the price for my sin. He is also very careful to speak honestly and candidly. For example in John 18:23, Jesus says, "If I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" The beatings and torture were designed to destroy his resolve and his morale, but instead Jesus simply questions their motives. Out loud. Religious leaders were not often questioned publicly. Wounded pride leads to burning, indignant anger, and that leads to murder.
At dawn, Jesus stood before the Roman governor Pilate. Pilate was a mediocre official, stationed far from Rome in Jerusalem. His name, but for this event, would be long forgotten. There is irony in this event. As the Jewish leaders are unjustly accusing an innocent man, physically abusing him, they will not go into the Roman palace because it would make them unclean for Passover. They did not realize, could not even comprehend, that their uncleanliness had nothing to do with which building they were standing in. Their uncleanliness had to do with the actions that were coming from dirty hearts.
Pilate brought Jesus alone into the palace to question him. Pilate cannot find grounds to crucify Jesus, but doesn't want to incite a riot. Jesus is very careful with his words with Pilate. It might have been easier for Jesus to convince Pilate to free him, than to convince him to crucify him.
So as the sun was rising, as color splashed the sky, Pilate cannot convince the Jews to set Jesus free. He had Jesus beaten, tortured, and publicly mocked and humiliated, hoping to fulfill the bloodlust of the the crowd, to no avail. He is finally placed in a position of having to kill an innocent man to keep the peace. A greater man would have set Jesus free no matter what the masses wanted, but Pilate was not a great man. He was simply a man trying to govern a people that were not his own, and he turned over a man he fully believed to be innocent to be crucified.
This morning as color gently creeps across the clouds, I am reminded that Jesus once endured an awful dawn. As His father painted a masterpiece across the sky, mankind - his own creation, made the decision to kill him rather than worship him. Jesus endured the agony, the pain, and the humiliation because he loved me too much not to give me eternity.
That's mind boggling. Yes, Jesus came to save the world. But in very practical and personal terms, Jesus came to pay the price for my sin. He met with Pilate at dawn and carefully selected his words so that he would not be freed, because he needed to die that day. He needed to die, so that I could live.
In John's account of the last supper, Jesus says words that have great meaning in light of his upcoming crucifixion. "Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13
Jesus very literally demonstrated love that morning. He laid down the respect he deserved, his worth of worship, and his mighty power - so that he could lay down his life for his friends. God of the universe, demonstrating love to mankind. Wow.
2000 years ago, during this magical hour, Jesus was on trial. Reading John's account this morning in chapter 18 and 19, I am struck by some very critical moments. After Jesus' arrest, he is taken to the Jewish religious leader. Late at night, he is questioned about his ministry and his motives. The priest is trying to kill Jesus, but he needs evidence to prevent outcries from the masses. Reading Jesus' responses this morning intrigued me. I guess the intrigue is that I realized that Jesus was not trying to defend himself, he was trying to get convicted so that he could pay the price for my sin. He is also very careful to speak honestly and candidly. For example in John 18:23, Jesus says, "If I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" The beatings and torture were designed to destroy his resolve and his morale, but instead Jesus simply questions their motives. Out loud. Religious leaders were not often questioned publicly. Wounded pride leads to burning, indignant anger, and that leads to murder.
At dawn, Jesus stood before the Roman governor Pilate. Pilate was a mediocre official, stationed far from Rome in Jerusalem. His name, but for this event, would be long forgotten. There is irony in this event. As the Jewish leaders are unjustly accusing an innocent man, physically abusing him, they will not go into the Roman palace because it would make them unclean for Passover. They did not realize, could not even comprehend, that their uncleanliness had nothing to do with which building they were standing in. Their uncleanliness had to do with the actions that were coming from dirty hearts.
Pilate brought Jesus alone into the palace to question him. Pilate cannot find grounds to crucify Jesus, but doesn't want to incite a riot. Jesus is very careful with his words with Pilate. It might have been easier for Jesus to convince Pilate to free him, than to convince him to crucify him.
So as the sun was rising, as color splashed the sky, Pilate cannot convince the Jews to set Jesus free. He had Jesus beaten, tortured, and publicly mocked and humiliated, hoping to fulfill the bloodlust of the the crowd, to no avail. He is finally placed in a position of having to kill an innocent man to keep the peace. A greater man would have set Jesus free no matter what the masses wanted, but Pilate was not a great man. He was simply a man trying to govern a people that were not his own, and he turned over a man he fully believed to be innocent to be crucified.
This morning as color gently creeps across the clouds, I am reminded that Jesus once endured an awful dawn. As His father painted a masterpiece across the sky, mankind - his own creation, made the decision to kill him rather than worship him. Jesus endured the agony, the pain, and the humiliation because he loved me too much not to give me eternity.
That's mind boggling. Yes, Jesus came to save the world. But in very practical and personal terms, Jesus came to pay the price for my sin. He met with Pilate at dawn and carefully selected his words so that he would not be freed, because he needed to die that day. He needed to die, so that I could live.
In John's account of the last supper, Jesus says words that have great meaning in light of his upcoming crucifixion. "Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13
Jesus very literally demonstrated love that morning. He laid down the respect he deserved, his worth of worship, and his mighty power - so that he could lay down his life for his friends. God of the universe, demonstrating love to mankind. Wow.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Last Night
(Mark 4)
Jesus had one night left to live. He could have spent it alone, or with his family, or doing any number of things that people consider doing when they know the end is near. Instead he spent the night with 12 friends, eating one more meal together.
Jesus has one last shot at teaching his disciples, at reviewing them on the most important things they will need to know. So what does he tell them?
1. That somebody will betray him
2. He swears that he will eat with them again.
3. He commands his disciples to continue with an action (Lord's Supper) so that they will be reminded of his presence while he is gone. Sort of like sending a photo of yourself with your kid when they go stay with Grandma so they won't be lonely.
Tonight for the first time I really heard that. Jesus, God Himself, is saying that even if he is betrayed, he will remain faithful and will continue that relationship with his people. It's one more time reiterating the Old Testament promise, "I will be your God, and you will be my people."
The events of the night turned from bad to worse. He began by confronting a friend who was considering betraying him and ended up being arrested and abused. There are so many facets of this story that intrigue me, but for now I just want to be reminded of the promise of reunion. Someday Jesus Christ - who paid for my sin - will sit at a table with me face to face, and all things broken will be made new.
Jesus had one night left to live. He could have spent it alone, or with his family, or doing any number of things that people consider doing when they know the end is near. Instead he spent the night with 12 friends, eating one more meal together.
Jesus has one last shot at teaching his disciples, at reviewing them on the most important things they will need to know. So what does he tell them?
1. That somebody will betray him
2. He swears that he will eat with them again.
3. He commands his disciples to continue with an action (Lord's Supper) so that they will be reminded of his presence while he is gone. Sort of like sending a photo of yourself with your kid when they go stay with Grandma so they won't be lonely.
Tonight for the first time I really heard that. Jesus, God Himself, is saying that even if he is betrayed, he will remain faithful and will continue that relationship with his people. It's one more time reiterating the Old Testament promise, "I will be your God, and you will be my people."
The events of the night turned from bad to worse. He began by confronting a friend who was considering betraying him and ended up being arrested and abused. There are so many facets of this story that intrigue me, but for now I just want to be reminded of the promise of reunion. Someday Jesus Christ - who paid for my sin - will sit at a table with me face to face, and all things broken will be made new.
April Fools
Last year for April Fools, I posted on my facebook and twitter that I was considering taking a pole dancing aerobics class. Great for the abs, you know. The funny thing is that people knew it was a joke not because of the pole, but because I hated exercise. Lifting the remote was more than I liked to do.
Remembering that today made me realize how much life can change in a year. I love to run. I would choosing running over coffee any day of the week. That's coming from a chick that at one time considered it hard work to walk to the car at the end of the day.
Next year it would be cool if I could grow as much in my spiritual fitness as I did this year in my physical fitness. Way cool.
Remembering that today made me realize how much life can change in a year. I love to run. I would choosing running over coffee any day of the week. That's coming from a chick that at one time considered it hard work to walk to the car at the end of the day.
Next year it would be cool if I could grow as much in my spiritual fitness as I did this year in my physical fitness. Way cool.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The perfect man
I was cooking and eavesdropping tonight. Careful to seem completely absorbed in browning my ground beef, I listened to my oldest daughters discussing the perfect man.
They decided that the perfect man would be interesting, funny, and kind. They said he would want to spend time with them, while still allowing them space to chase their dreams and be themselves. (they discussed the irritating habit of neediness and stalking here) He would enjoy having fun with their family, but also comfortable just hanging out at home.
I was so impressed as they talked through wanting a man someday who would be their best friend, but didn't have to be with them every waking moment. Then Abby, the 3 year old joined the conversation. "And he'll have boobs."
The big girls said, "What? No he won't!"
Abby, "Yes he will. You get boobs when you grow up. Like mommy and daddy."
That's when my invisibility shield crumbled. I couldn't stop laughing. Abby, in her fascination with boobs, and our conversations of late, had incorrectly generalized that all grownups have them.
I'm excited that my girls have good ideas about what makes a man a good husband. Thanks to their daddy, they grasp what a real man is like. Makes me proud.
They decided that the perfect man would be interesting, funny, and kind. They said he would want to spend time with them, while still allowing them space to chase their dreams and be themselves. (they discussed the irritating habit of neediness and stalking here) He would enjoy having fun with their family, but also comfortable just hanging out at home.
I was so impressed as they talked through wanting a man someday who would be their best friend, but didn't have to be with them every waking moment. Then Abby, the 3 year old joined the conversation. "And he'll have boobs."
The big girls said, "What? No he won't!"
Abby, "Yes he will. You get boobs when you grow up. Like mommy and daddy."
That's when my invisibility shield crumbled. I couldn't stop laughing. Abby, in her fascination with boobs, and our conversations of late, had incorrectly generalized that all grownups have them.
I'm excited that my girls have good ideas about what makes a man a good husband. Thanks to their daddy, they grasp what a real man is like. Makes me proud.
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