Romans 8:37-39, "Despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
This passage took on new meaning for me this week as I dealt with my teens. I realized that no matter how they mess up, while I am definitely concerned about their well being, it doesn't affect my deep and desperate love for them. If as an imperfect person, I feel that depth of unconditional love for my children, I cannot even begin to comprehend how God loves me.
No matter what. I am awed.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Walk on Water
A migraine snuck up and slammed me in the head this morning. I woke up at 4:43 with a tightness in my scalp that signals a bad one is coming. I was too sleepy to get up out of bed and go take anything right that second, and I lived to regret it. By 8:00 I was miserable, by 9:00 it was unbearable, and by 10:00 I was confused and disoriented. Yes, I know it is past time to go back to the doctor. I just hate that place, but I now need something better than the over the counter medicine he recommended a few years ago.
I bumped into my masseuse at a house warming party for a friend. She worked on my pressure points for about 15 minutes, bringing a small measure of relief. I was able to remember how to find my way home and think coherently for the most part, in spite of the excruciating pain.
When I got home, I was desperate for relief. I decided to try running. Endorphins, right? Well, running with a migraine is more painful than childbirth - I've done that 4 times, I should know. The jostling makes the pain worse, to the point where all I could do was count my breaths in and out and try not to vomit from the pain. In my haste to run, I set my ipod to shuffle random songs, hoping that the music would be soothing. Sometimes that helps. Instead it was a hard pumping Audio Adrenaline song.
I have not listened to Audio Adrenaline in many, many years, and their songs are not in any of my favorite playlists on the ipod. However, a random shuffle pulls up anything in the entire library of music, and "Walk on Water" came on. At .5 miles, I realized I had been listening to the same song the entire time. See what I mean, my processing is greatly impaired when I have a migraine - It takes me about 7 minutes to go .5 miles.
I'm not sure how it got stuck on the loop track, but to change the setting after I've turned on my GPS function on my phone will erase my running data that I am charting online. So I just kept listening. Somewhere around the first mile, God reminded me of our call into church planting, "Get out of the boat, get ready for the call, I'm going to show you how to walk on water." I thought about how many times this last 18 months God had done exactly that. He has used us in ways we never, ever dreamed that he would. But the strange thing was the thought that chased after those remembrances. It was God, I think. "I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
What the heck? What have we been doing? What are You fixing to do, God? I'm afraid. I'm already in way over my head. I already feel like I'm drowning so many days as we try to figure out this living missionally thing.
God's response, "I said, I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
Okay. To quote my favorite pastor, I guess wet underwear is better than splinters in my butt from the safe boat. My answer in advance is yes. Let's go. But You have to help me to be obedient even when I'm afraid of the unknown.
After running nearly 2 miles, I returned to the house for an hour of brutal weight lifting. By the end of some long stretches afterwards, my headache is significantly better. It's not completely gone, but I should be able to function. Now my mind is just racing around that voice I heard, wondering what it all means. Or maybe it was just a crazy thought in my head, brought on by the meds and the pain.
I bumped into my masseuse at a house warming party for a friend. She worked on my pressure points for about 15 minutes, bringing a small measure of relief. I was able to remember how to find my way home and think coherently for the most part, in spite of the excruciating pain.
When I got home, I was desperate for relief. I decided to try running. Endorphins, right? Well, running with a migraine is more painful than childbirth - I've done that 4 times, I should know. The jostling makes the pain worse, to the point where all I could do was count my breaths in and out and try not to vomit from the pain. In my haste to run, I set my ipod to shuffle random songs, hoping that the music would be soothing. Sometimes that helps. Instead it was a hard pumping Audio Adrenaline song.
I have not listened to Audio Adrenaline in many, many years, and their songs are not in any of my favorite playlists on the ipod. However, a random shuffle pulls up anything in the entire library of music, and "Walk on Water" came on. At .5 miles, I realized I had been listening to the same song the entire time. See what I mean, my processing is greatly impaired when I have a migraine - It takes me about 7 minutes to go .5 miles.
I'm not sure how it got stuck on the loop track, but to change the setting after I've turned on my GPS function on my phone will erase my running data that I am charting online. So I just kept listening. Somewhere around the first mile, God reminded me of our call into church planting, "Get out of the boat, get ready for the call, I'm going to show you how to walk on water." I thought about how many times this last 18 months God had done exactly that. He has used us in ways we never, ever dreamed that he would. But the strange thing was the thought that chased after those remembrances. It was God, I think. "I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
What the heck? What have we been doing? What are You fixing to do, God? I'm afraid. I'm already in way over my head. I already feel like I'm drowning so many days as we try to figure out this living missionally thing.
God's response, "I said, I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
Okay. To quote my favorite pastor, I guess wet underwear is better than splinters in my butt from the safe boat. My answer in advance is yes. Let's go. But You have to help me to be obedient even when I'm afraid of the unknown.
After running nearly 2 miles, I returned to the house for an hour of brutal weight lifting. By the end of some long stretches afterwards, my headache is significantly better. It's not completely gone, but I should be able to function. Now my mind is just racing around that voice I heard, wondering what it all means. Or maybe it was just a crazy thought in my head, brought on by the meds and the pain.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
God is freaking me out
I can't sleep tonight with all these thoughts swirling in my head. They are confusing and muddled, but at least if I write them down, maybe I can sleep. So apologizing in advance if all this makes no sense at all.
My relationship with God has always been pretty cut and dried. I at least thought I had a decent handle on how He operates. I worship, pray, adore, and obey. He gives me peace, strength, and guidance. I feel guilty when I sin - at least sometimes - pray and confess and He forgives me. I try to have a consistent quiet time, then feel bad that I'm not.
The funny thing is that I usually don't question God in tough times. During my miscarriage several years ago, as I lay on the exam table staring at an ultrasound picture without a heartbeat, I turned to Shawn and said, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." I often don't understand what God is doing during the tough times, but I know He is good.
But lately, God's been changing all the rules. He has redefined our relationship in crazy ways. Let's start by giving me an entirely new personality last year. "Merry Christmas - or really happy Labor Day - I'm turning you into a sanguine." Want to talk about shaking up my life? My kids were talking about this yesterday. They were remembering how things used to be and how things are now. That will be a blog for a different day. It was an unbelievable, yet really tough and painful conversation.
God has always been very real to me. I have been able to see his hand in many areas of my life, and yet at the same time he has also been very distant. In the recent past this has all changed - beginning probably with the day I ran in the rain (see archives) and began to understand God desired more than obedience, he wanted relationship. God speaking into my life in very clear and intimate ways is hard to get used to. At times I think I am very fortunate, but at times I think I am totally crazy. Maybe the voices in my head are not God. Maybe I'm nuts and don't know it. It does run in the family.
But even more recently things have just been freaking me out. Before Thanksgiving we were at a friend's house to watch football on his big TV. On the way home, I said to Shawn, "Gosh it would be nice to be able to see the TV that clearly from across the room." Now we don't need a TV. It is not anywhere near the top of our want list. However, that's what Shawn's mom bought us for Christmas. Without being asked.
Shawn's back has been bothering him for quite a while. I was thinking that we needed a mattress, but couldn't come up with any funds. Again, Shawn's mom called up out of the blue and told us she was buying a very slightly used mattress from an elderly lady who was downsizing her bed.
Last week, Katie, my 9 year old, asked what I wanted for Christmas. I gave her the inexpensive short list. On that list was a green necklace and jogging pants. That was on Friday. God gave those to me from friends cleaning out their closets on Sunday.
This afternoon, Shawn told me that he was having to rethink my Christmas gift because he had planned to purchase a week long trip for us for spring break, but was concerned that it would be too hard on his mom to try to keep all the kids for that long. I said out loud, I guess we will be more limited in what we can go and do if your mom isn't available to babysit often. Tonight, our small group and friends got together for our Christmas party. Our gift from our church was each member took a blank gift card and filled in what they would be willing to do for us. There were several overnight babysitters. (Loved lots of the other gifts, too - a day of manual labor - that will be so useful in trying to get the house on the market) Anyway, I was floored. Not that we will seriously go on the trip, but I was amazed that I expressed a desire - not a need out loud, and God met it within 4 hours.
An even smaller detail? When I'm running, as I pray or meditate or even just have crazy random thoughts, more often than not my Ipod shuffle matches up to whatever is going on. It shifts as my brain changes gears. Last night my run started with a journey song that was mine and Shawn's first "our song." I spent the run thinking about where we once were and how we have been redeemed. The last song on my way back in was another journey song that is our current "our song." How wild is that that my shuffle opened and closed my run that way?
Bottom line, this is all just a little weird. I think that it is so cool that the God of the universe who created the stars is a personal God that loves us enough to care about these little things. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I am not surprised when my husband does little things for me. I don't know why it seems strange that God does those same types of little things. I absolutely don't get what or if God is using all of this to teach me something new. It is beyond my comprehension to understand that I even register on the radar with God. After all - who really needs a new necklace, or babysitters, or a big TV? These are not necessities, nor do they further the ministry.
What makes this even more complex and confusing is that I am not getting clear answers to big things that I'm praying about. I am seeking God about my future. I feel that long term there is more for me than teaching first grade. (I don't know if more is the right word or if different would be better.) I do not know how God plans to tie together my love of writing, worship, missions, and speaking. I cannot see into His plans at all. All I know is that right now, today, He is using me beyond belief right where I am. I am waiting and trying hard to be faithful serving in the role where I heard from him last. And I am trying to figure out why He is giving me things that I have only expressed a breath of desire about having.
The crazy thing about this is that I can believe God is good in bad times - but I'm a little suspicious about why He's being so intimately involved in my life. Why me? It's hard for me to accept any of this as unconditional and undeserved love with no strings attached. My attitude about all this is a surprise to me.
I guess I should learn that God is not predictable, explainable, or containable.
My relationship with God has always been pretty cut and dried. I at least thought I had a decent handle on how He operates. I worship, pray, adore, and obey. He gives me peace, strength, and guidance. I feel guilty when I sin - at least sometimes - pray and confess and He forgives me. I try to have a consistent quiet time, then feel bad that I'm not.
The funny thing is that I usually don't question God in tough times. During my miscarriage several years ago, as I lay on the exam table staring at an ultrasound picture without a heartbeat, I turned to Shawn and said, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." I often don't understand what God is doing during the tough times, but I know He is good.
But lately, God's been changing all the rules. He has redefined our relationship in crazy ways. Let's start by giving me an entirely new personality last year. "Merry Christmas - or really happy Labor Day - I'm turning you into a sanguine." Want to talk about shaking up my life? My kids were talking about this yesterday. They were remembering how things used to be and how things are now. That will be a blog for a different day. It was an unbelievable, yet really tough and painful conversation.
God has always been very real to me. I have been able to see his hand in many areas of my life, and yet at the same time he has also been very distant. In the recent past this has all changed - beginning probably with the day I ran in the rain (see archives) and began to understand God desired more than obedience, he wanted relationship. God speaking into my life in very clear and intimate ways is hard to get used to. At times I think I am very fortunate, but at times I think I am totally crazy. Maybe the voices in my head are not God. Maybe I'm nuts and don't know it. It does run in the family.
But even more recently things have just been freaking me out. Before Thanksgiving we were at a friend's house to watch football on his big TV. On the way home, I said to Shawn, "Gosh it would be nice to be able to see the TV that clearly from across the room." Now we don't need a TV. It is not anywhere near the top of our want list. However, that's what Shawn's mom bought us for Christmas. Without being asked.
Shawn's back has been bothering him for quite a while. I was thinking that we needed a mattress, but couldn't come up with any funds. Again, Shawn's mom called up out of the blue and told us she was buying a very slightly used mattress from an elderly lady who was downsizing her bed.
Last week, Katie, my 9 year old, asked what I wanted for Christmas. I gave her the inexpensive short list. On that list was a green necklace and jogging pants. That was on Friday. God gave those to me from friends cleaning out their closets on Sunday.
This afternoon, Shawn told me that he was having to rethink my Christmas gift because he had planned to purchase a week long trip for us for spring break, but was concerned that it would be too hard on his mom to try to keep all the kids for that long. I said out loud, I guess we will be more limited in what we can go and do if your mom isn't available to babysit often. Tonight, our small group and friends got together for our Christmas party. Our gift from our church was each member took a blank gift card and filled in what they would be willing to do for us. There were several overnight babysitters. (Loved lots of the other gifts, too - a day of manual labor - that will be so useful in trying to get the house on the market) Anyway, I was floored. Not that we will seriously go on the trip, but I was amazed that I expressed a desire - not a need out loud, and God met it within 4 hours.
An even smaller detail? When I'm running, as I pray or meditate or even just have crazy random thoughts, more often than not my Ipod shuffle matches up to whatever is going on. It shifts as my brain changes gears. Last night my run started with a journey song that was mine and Shawn's first "our song." I spent the run thinking about where we once were and how we have been redeemed. The last song on my way back in was another journey song that is our current "our song." How wild is that that my shuffle opened and closed my run that way?
Bottom line, this is all just a little weird. I think that it is so cool that the God of the universe who created the stars is a personal God that loves us enough to care about these little things. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I am not surprised when my husband does little things for me. I don't know why it seems strange that God does those same types of little things. I absolutely don't get what or if God is using all of this to teach me something new. It is beyond my comprehension to understand that I even register on the radar with God. After all - who really needs a new necklace, or babysitters, or a big TV? These are not necessities, nor do they further the ministry.
What makes this even more complex and confusing is that I am not getting clear answers to big things that I'm praying about. I am seeking God about my future. I feel that long term there is more for me than teaching first grade. (I don't know if more is the right word or if different would be better.) I do not know how God plans to tie together my love of writing, worship, missions, and speaking. I cannot see into His plans at all. All I know is that right now, today, He is using me beyond belief right where I am. I am waiting and trying hard to be faithful serving in the role where I heard from him last. And I am trying to figure out why He is giving me things that I have only expressed a breath of desire about having.
The crazy thing about this is that I can believe God is good in bad times - but I'm a little suspicious about why He's being so intimately involved in my life. Why me? It's hard for me to accept any of this as unconditional and undeserved love with no strings attached. My attitude about all this is a surprise to me.
I guess I should learn that God is not predictable, explainable, or containable.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Saul's End
In 2nd Samuel 1, Saul meets a desperate and terrible end. In the heat of battle, Saul realizes his sons have been killed, so he asks his armor bearer to kill him. The armor bearer refuses to kill God's anointed. Saul commits suicide then by falling onto his own sword. The armor bearer sees what he does and also commits suicide.
There are lots of interesting things about this story, but I had a new thought today. David had at least 2 opportunities to kill Saul. He would have been very justified in self-defense. However, he decided not to. Just for grins, let's play out the scenario differently. Let's pretend like David killed Saul that first time, when Saul was sleeping or even the second time when Saul was using the bathroom in the cave. Saul would have been gone, but his sons would have been in line for the throne. How would David have ever become king? But then again, David's best friend Jonathan might have lived, and they could have shared a life-long friendship. Or perhaps that friendship would have turned to betrayal in a fight for the throne?
Instead, David would not murder the king. He would not murder someone anointed by God. Instead, the king commits suicide. Because of the difference in scenarios, all of the king's sons are dead in battle. David has a clear path to the throne. God handles the situation in such a way that His purpose of establishing David as king are most easily accomplished. However, these purposes are not accomplished without pain. David lost his best friend Jonathan.
I wondered as I contemplated all of this if David ever regretted not killing Saul, if he had any regrets about the way it all played out in the end. If he blamed himself at all for Jonathan's death or not. There's no way of knowing this. And it's probably not even important. I was just curious. My brain works in strange and mysterious ways.
There are lots of interesting things about this story, but I had a new thought today. David had at least 2 opportunities to kill Saul. He would have been very justified in self-defense. However, he decided not to. Just for grins, let's play out the scenario differently. Let's pretend like David killed Saul that first time, when Saul was sleeping or even the second time when Saul was using the bathroom in the cave. Saul would have been gone, but his sons would have been in line for the throne. How would David have ever become king? But then again, David's best friend Jonathan might have lived, and they could have shared a life-long friendship. Or perhaps that friendship would have turned to betrayal in a fight for the throne?
Instead, David would not murder the king. He would not murder someone anointed by God. Instead, the king commits suicide. Because of the difference in scenarios, all of the king's sons are dead in battle. David has a clear path to the throne. God handles the situation in such a way that His purpose of establishing David as king are most easily accomplished. However, these purposes are not accomplished without pain. David lost his best friend Jonathan.
I wondered as I contemplated all of this if David ever regretted not killing Saul, if he had any regrets about the way it all played out in the end. If he blamed himself at all for Jonathan's death or not. There's no way of knowing this. And it's probably not even important. I was just curious. My brain works in strange and mysterious ways.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Psalm 5 (I got nothin' on a creative title)
I love the Message translation of the Bible for fresh perspectives on the narratives in the Old Testament. It really brings new life to old, familiar stories. However, I must say that the Message translation leaves lots to be desired in the translation of the Psalms. It pretty much destroys the poetical language.
I tend to laugh instead of focusing on the meaning. Remember these are songs to sing. I have a habit of trying to imagine using the lyrics in worship. This could be why the giggling is such an issue.
Try this out:
Ps. 3:7, "Up, God! My God, help me! Slap their faces, First this cheek, then the other, Your fist hard in their teeth." Chris Tomlin try that one out for size....dare you to work that into a worship song!
Or how about Ps. 1:1, "How well God must like you - you don't hang out at Sin Saloon, you don't slink along Dead-End Road, you don't go to Smart Mouth College." That's the best translation of that you can come up with...Smart Mouth College? Seriously.....that doesn't even read well. I don't think I could read that aloud in a worship service.....I couldn't read it out loud with Shawn during our quiet time without laughing.
I tend to giggle my way through my quiet time as I try to picture the band setting these lyrics to music and using them in worship. I think I will stick to NLT for the Psalms, thanks. I miss the poeticism.
But on a serious note, I did like the translations of Ps. 5: 1-3, "Listen, God! Please pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar and watch for fire to descend."
I love this thought that daily I have to re-offer my life to God. Not because God needs a fresh committment, but because I need a fresh reminder. Every day I need to sacrifice my life, my desires for God's dreams and desires for my life. And I like that sense of expectation. As I lay my life down, I wait for God to consume it and use me. I expect His presence. Very beautiful thought to me.
I also really liked vs. 11, "But You'll welcome us with open arms when we run for cover to You."
At the end of the day, when I go pick Abby up at daycare, she comes running toward me full blast with her little arms held out to me. I scoop her up into my arms and hug her tightly. I like that picture of God holding open His arms to me...waiting for me to come running.
So some good stuff .... just have to wade through the yucky language to find the beautiful passages. Who knows, by the time I finish the Psalms....I may be much less critical of this particular translation.
I tend to laugh instead of focusing on the meaning. Remember these are songs to sing. I have a habit of trying to imagine using the lyrics in worship. This could be why the giggling is such an issue.
Try this out:
Ps. 3:7, "Up, God! My God, help me! Slap their faces, First this cheek, then the other, Your fist hard in their teeth." Chris Tomlin try that one out for size....dare you to work that into a worship song!
Or how about Ps. 1:1, "How well God must like you - you don't hang out at Sin Saloon, you don't slink along Dead-End Road, you don't go to Smart Mouth College." That's the best translation of that you can come up with...Smart Mouth College? Seriously.....that doesn't even read well. I don't think I could read that aloud in a worship service.....I couldn't read it out loud with Shawn during our quiet time without laughing.
I tend to giggle my way through my quiet time as I try to picture the band setting these lyrics to music and using them in worship. I think I will stick to NLT for the Psalms, thanks. I miss the poeticism.
But on a serious note, I did like the translations of Ps. 5: 1-3, "Listen, God! Please pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar and watch for fire to descend."
I love this thought that daily I have to re-offer my life to God. Not because God needs a fresh committment, but because I need a fresh reminder. Every day I need to sacrifice my life, my desires for God's dreams and desires for my life. And I like that sense of expectation. As I lay my life down, I wait for God to consume it and use me. I expect His presence. Very beautiful thought to me.
I also really liked vs. 11, "But You'll welcome us with open arms when we run for cover to You."
At the end of the day, when I go pick Abby up at daycare, she comes running toward me full blast with her little arms held out to me. I scoop her up into my arms and hug her tightly. I like that picture of God holding open His arms to me...waiting for me to come running.
So some good stuff .... just have to wade through the yucky language to find the beautiful passages. Who knows, by the time I finish the Psalms....I may be much less critical of this particular translation.
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Gingerbread Man
Here's a quickie for the hard core addicts who freak when I'm off-line for long.
Read "The Gingerbread Man" to my students today. I had never paid attention to the stages of the poor cookie's demise. He's escaping danger, comes to a river and takes the easy way across - the fox. Could have run downstream till he found a bridge, hidden from the crowd following him, begged for mercy, climbed a tree ...but no.... he took the first solution available. He started out on the fox's tail - far away from the mouth. Just a tiny flirt with danger. Then afraid of getting wet, he moves to the fox's back. Then to the fox's head, then SNAP - right into the fox's mouth. Yummy! I also noticed that every step of the way, the fox coaxed him with false assurances of safety.
For me, this is typically how sin begins...I'm just riding on the tail....I usually know that it's a bad choice, but I fully plan to escape before I get consumed. But temptation is a tricky fox...it coaxes you into one small step at a time until you suddenly realize that you are in way over your head. This is why God warns us so often about avoiding temptation.
The easiest way to keep from getting eaten is to stay away from the fox.
Read "The Gingerbread Man" to my students today. I had never paid attention to the stages of the poor cookie's demise. He's escaping danger, comes to a river and takes the easy way across - the fox. Could have run downstream till he found a bridge, hidden from the crowd following him, begged for mercy, climbed a tree ...but no.... he took the first solution available. He started out on the fox's tail - far away from the mouth. Just a tiny flirt with danger. Then afraid of getting wet, he moves to the fox's back. Then to the fox's head, then SNAP - right into the fox's mouth. Yummy! I also noticed that every step of the way, the fox coaxed him with false assurances of safety.
For me, this is typically how sin begins...I'm just riding on the tail....I usually know that it's a bad choice, but I fully plan to escape before I get consumed. But temptation is a tricky fox...it coaxes you into one small step at a time until you suddenly realize that you are in way over your head. This is why God warns us so often about avoiding temptation.
The easiest way to keep from getting eaten is to stay away from the fox.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Hike
We ventured out on our first journey group hike today. Several friends from the Crossroads joined us on the Cross Timbers trail up north of Whitesboro. People hike for a variety of reasons. Some people enjoy the exercise. Others love the outdoors. A few hike because it's cool. But for me, hiking is a profoundly spiritual experience.
I have not had the opportunity to hike often in the last three years because of our toddler, Abby. She is just now big enough to walk very far without whining. Today she made a little over a mile before she wanted to be carried. That's pretty good for a short dayhike now and then.
Finding my hiking boots was a chore this morning. It's been such a long time since I needed them. I think the last time was some kind of safari theme day at school. As I slipped them on and worked the laces into the various loops and twists that I have to do for the ideal fit, I noticed that they felt stiff. It's been such a long time since I used them that they felt weird on my feet. It can be that way with God....when I get out of the habit of spending time with Him it can feel strange to try to get back into spending time with Him every day.
Abby has been on about 3 hikes that I can recall in her lifetime. Her first hike was on spring break 2 years ago. She was an infant, not toddling yet. We wanted to hike with the kids in the Ozark Mountains, but did not have our baby backpack with us. So I said, "It's fine, I'll just carry her in my arms." And I did. Up and down the hills, around the curves, and through the trees. I carefully examined every place that I put my foot. I tested my weight carefully before I scaled any heights. I watched out closely for tree branches and thorns. I had to be extra careful not to fall because if I did, I would drop and injure our baby. It was at times awkward and very challenging. That's when I realized how important it is to watch our footsteps when we are discipling young Christians. We have to guard more carefully against falling down, so that our young friends are not injured by our bad choices.
Today, God reminded me of some of the same lessons. Abby walked the path on her own, but I had to be content to keep a slower pace than what I am used to. My friends and family were far ahead of us as we meandered through the woods. I showed Abby thorns and how to avoid them, or at least how to step on top of the thorny vines with her shoes so her leg wouldn't get scraped. That's what we do when mentoring new believers. We show them the thorns and give them tools to avoid them.
I also showed Abby a beautiful cedar tree and let her smell the branches. Then she wanted to smell every cedar tree on the trail. We smelled every flower, touched every berry, examined lots of rocks, and tried out digging in sand and mud. We watched waves crash along the shore and saw ducks diving for fish. Even though it took me four times as long to hike with Abby, today she showed me every beautiful thing in the woods. Walking with a new believer is like that. They remind you how beautiful our faith is.
Several times (like maybe 50) I had to remind Abby to stay on the trail. She would wander off to smell flowers or examine mysterious objects more closely. Once she nearly fell off the bluff while trying to look at the water. Fortunately, I was standing right behind her with my hands on her shoulders. This is what God does with me. He has to continually remind me to get back on the trail. Not to be distracted by other things in my life.
So today, I wandered slowly through the woods with Abby and listened to God's heart about loving and growing people in their faith. I am so very thankful for the people in my life who have been content to travel alongside me as I have learned how to walk on this journey.
I have not had the opportunity to hike often in the last three years because of our toddler, Abby. She is just now big enough to walk very far without whining. Today she made a little over a mile before she wanted to be carried. That's pretty good for a short dayhike now and then.
Finding my hiking boots was a chore this morning. It's been such a long time since I needed them. I think the last time was some kind of safari theme day at school. As I slipped them on and worked the laces into the various loops and twists that I have to do for the ideal fit, I noticed that they felt stiff. It's been such a long time since I used them that they felt weird on my feet. It can be that way with God....when I get out of the habit of spending time with Him it can feel strange to try to get back into spending time with Him every day.
Abby has been on about 3 hikes that I can recall in her lifetime. Her first hike was on spring break 2 years ago. She was an infant, not toddling yet. We wanted to hike with the kids in the Ozark Mountains, but did not have our baby backpack with us. So I said, "It's fine, I'll just carry her in my arms." And I did. Up and down the hills, around the curves, and through the trees. I carefully examined every place that I put my foot. I tested my weight carefully before I scaled any heights. I watched out closely for tree branches and thorns. I had to be extra careful not to fall because if I did, I would drop and injure our baby. It was at times awkward and very challenging. That's when I realized how important it is to watch our footsteps when we are discipling young Christians. We have to guard more carefully against falling down, so that our young friends are not injured by our bad choices.
Today, God reminded me of some of the same lessons. Abby walked the path on her own, but I had to be content to keep a slower pace than what I am used to. My friends and family were far ahead of us as we meandered through the woods. I showed Abby thorns and how to avoid them, or at least how to step on top of the thorny vines with her shoes so her leg wouldn't get scraped. That's what we do when mentoring new believers. We show them the thorns and give them tools to avoid them.
I also showed Abby a beautiful cedar tree and let her smell the branches. Then she wanted to smell every cedar tree on the trail. We smelled every flower, touched every berry, examined lots of rocks, and tried out digging in sand and mud. We watched waves crash along the shore and saw ducks diving for fish. Even though it took me four times as long to hike with Abby, today she showed me every beautiful thing in the woods. Walking with a new believer is like that. They remind you how beautiful our faith is.
Several times (like maybe 50) I had to remind Abby to stay on the trail. She would wander off to smell flowers or examine mysterious objects more closely. Once she nearly fell off the bluff while trying to look at the water. Fortunately, I was standing right behind her with my hands on her shoulders. This is what God does with me. He has to continually remind me to get back on the trail. Not to be distracted by other things in my life.
So today, I wandered slowly through the woods with Abby and listened to God's heart about loving and growing people in their faith. I am so very thankful for the people in my life who have been content to travel alongside me as I have learned how to walk on this journey.
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Best of 2008
True Confession. The other day I was trapped in line at Wal-mart for all of eternity. Bored, I scanned the magazines. Now while I secretly wanted to read Cosmo, you never know when you will bump into somebody you know. Nothing more embarrassing than being caught in the line at Wal-mart reading "20 new ways....." So instead I snagged a copy of People - the 2008 Yearbook. Became deeply enough engrossed in it that I purchased it. I told you I was there a long time. (like 13 bucks! Seriously!)
Life has been moving along in fast forward and so it has laid under my nightstand forever waiting to be read. Finally today I had some extra time and read it. Very intriguing. It seems that I slept through most of 2008. Half the people I had never heard of, and some of the huge events were totally new to me (example - Pres. Bush's daughter got married? How did I miss that? Robin Williams and his wife divorced?) Many of the things I had forgotten such as the blue guy who applied his vitamin to his skin, the raiding of the Mormon compound, etc.
I read all the articles. Even the ones that I was not interested in, because I was pretty bored. Some were inspiring, others weird, some disturbing, and some depressing. However, when I finished reading about all the famous people and their triumphs and failures, I was pretty relieved to just be me. Reading about all the break-ups, DUIs, drug overdoses, and even the good stuff that is micro analyzed by the media and fans makes me remember how blessed I am to enjoy privacy. There is no one outside my home waiting to ambush me and my family with cameras. There is no one waiting anxiously to catch me in an awkward moment so they can embarrass me publicly. There is no one who even cares what I wear to big events and whether I should go on the best or worst list. (Trust me...no one even noticed me at the last big event) And I am SO THANKFUL.
Most of the people that I read about are still desperately searching for meaning and happiness in life. They've tried sex, drugs, partying, fame, marriage, divorce, same-sex partners, having children, and still are searching. There are certainly exceptions to this. I saw some people with "happy eyes" who truly seem to be enjoying their life. But most seemed to still want more. Seeing this made me realize that I am thankful tonight for my comfortable home, my cheap car, my extraordinary family, and my beautiful friends. I am thankful that I am able to live life freely with great joy. And am praying for the "pretty people" to find the Author of my life and embrace Him to find the meaning in theirs.
Life has been moving along in fast forward and so it has laid under my nightstand forever waiting to be read. Finally today I had some extra time and read it. Very intriguing. It seems that I slept through most of 2008. Half the people I had never heard of, and some of the huge events were totally new to me (example - Pres. Bush's daughter got married? How did I miss that? Robin Williams and his wife divorced?) Many of the things I had forgotten such as the blue guy who applied his vitamin to his skin, the raiding of the Mormon compound, etc.
I read all the articles. Even the ones that I was not interested in, because I was pretty bored. Some were inspiring, others weird, some disturbing, and some depressing. However, when I finished reading about all the famous people and their triumphs and failures, I was pretty relieved to just be me. Reading about all the break-ups, DUIs, drug overdoses, and even the good stuff that is micro analyzed by the media and fans makes me remember how blessed I am to enjoy privacy. There is no one outside my home waiting to ambush me and my family with cameras. There is no one waiting anxiously to catch me in an awkward moment so they can embarrass me publicly. There is no one who even cares what I wear to big events and whether I should go on the best or worst list. (Trust me...no one even noticed me at the last big event) And I am SO THANKFUL.
Most of the people that I read about are still desperately searching for meaning and happiness in life. They've tried sex, drugs, partying, fame, marriage, divorce, same-sex partners, having children, and still are searching. There are certainly exceptions to this. I saw some people with "happy eyes" who truly seem to be enjoying their life. But most seemed to still want more. Seeing this made me realize that I am thankful tonight for my comfortable home, my cheap car, my extraordinary family, and my beautiful friends. I am thankful that I am able to live life freely with great joy. And am praying for the "pretty people" to find the Author of my life and embrace Him to find the meaning in theirs.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Location, location, location
It's the most famous saying in real estate, "Location, location, location." Today I got up early and headed in to work so that I could get some time in my classroom before inservice started. While I was in my classroom, I was pretty much totally zoned in to what I needed to do to get ready for tomorrow. What I needed to do to prepare my learning centers and my lesson plans. Totally focused on the task at hand.
However, when I'm at home, it is really hard for me to think through and remember what I need to do for school unless I have created a very detailed list. When I'm at home, I am focused on cleaning and laundry and the kids and all the stuff that needs to be done at home.
So I was thinking about the importance of location in creating focus in life. I was wondering what the spiritual applications are of this. I do know that Shawn and I had a quiet time for years on our couch in front of the fireplace while we drank our coffee. That location took on special meaning as I learned to listen to God's voice and to grow spiritually with my husband.
Biblically, Jesus often left his disciples and went into the wilderness to spend time in prayer. I think that there is something to the whole location idea. Sometimes it is very challenging for me to hear God because my location does not leave any room or space for his voice to get any attention.
I was just thinking today that maybe I should start paying attention to where I am when I find it easiest to meet with God. And spend a little more time there.
However, when I'm at home, it is really hard for me to think through and remember what I need to do for school unless I have created a very detailed list. When I'm at home, I am focused on cleaning and laundry and the kids and all the stuff that needs to be done at home.
So I was thinking about the importance of location in creating focus in life. I was wondering what the spiritual applications are of this. I do know that Shawn and I had a quiet time for years on our couch in front of the fireplace while we drank our coffee. That location took on special meaning as I learned to listen to God's voice and to grow spiritually with my husband.
Biblically, Jesus often left his disciples and went into the wilderness to spend time in prayer. I think that there is something to the whole location idea. Sometimes it is very challenging for me to hear God because my location does not leave any room or space for his voice to get any attention.
I was just thinking today that maybe I should start paying attention to where I am when I find it easiest to meet with God. And spend a little more time there.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
sippee cups and God
I hate cleaning house. Detest. Despise. Dread. I don't have enough negative adjectives in my repertoire to adequately describe my nasty emotions about cleaning. I do it because it must be done and I do it as well as possible because that's the right way to do it. However, anytime that I am cleaning, I am battling a particularly foul attitude. It's just how I am and haven't been able to change it in spite of many attempts to view cleaning in a more positive light.
Because of the foul attitude, I spend a lot of time praying while I'm cleaning. To confess and try to overcome the guilt associated with the negative attitude. Because of all the time I spend praying while cleaning multiplied by all the cleaning time involved in showing a house, God often speaks to me through the mundane tasks.
This week it was a sippee cup. NO JOKE! I was washing dishes....which I hate less than I used to so I guess that's progress. I was dumping and rinsing sippee cups....no big deal and tossing them in the dishwasher. Then I came to a long lost sippee cup. You parents out there know what I found inside...chunky, stinky, white, moldy cheese. So then I had to hold my breath and work for quite some time on cleaning up the cup so that it could be usable. That's when God got my attention and taught me a little lesson about sin.
You see, daily confession is like washing the fresh dishes. We confess our sins, get rinsed off and are good to go. Very quick, easy, and fairly painless. But the sin that we allow to fester and grow and hide becomes the stinky cheese. It is harder to totally rinse away, and it is a chore to completely remove it and become usable again. God desires a daily confession and cleansing from us so that we are constantly yielded and usable. When we allow sin to overtake us, it is much harder for God to use us.
There it is....a lesson about sin from a nasty, stinky, gross sippee cup.
Because of the foul attitude, I spend a lot of time praying while I'm cleaning. To confess and try to overcome the guilt associated with the negative attitude. Because of all the time I spend praying while cleaning multiplied by all the cleaning time involved in showing a house, God often speaks to me through the mundane tasks.
This week it was a sippee cup. NO JOKE! I was washing dishes....which I hate less than I used to so I guess that's progress. I was dumping and rinsing sippee cups....no big deal and tossing them in the dishwasher. Then I came to a long lost sippee cup. You parents out there know what I found inside...chunky, stinky, white, moldy cheese. So then I had to hold my breath and work for quite some time on cleaning up the cup so that it could be usable. That's when God got my attention and taught me a little lesson about sin.
You see, daily confession is like washing the fresh dishes. We confess our sins, get rinsed off and are good to go. Very quick, easy, and fairly painless. But the sin that we allow to fester and grow and hide becomes the stinky cheese. It is harder to totally rinse away, and it is a chore to completely remove it and become usable again. God desires a daily confession and cleansing from us so that we are constantly yielded and usable. When we allow sin to overtake us, it is much harder for God to use us.
There it is....a lesson about sin from a nasty, stinky, gross sippee cup.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Another Rainy Day
If you're tired of hearing me rattle on about the rain, then feel free to skip this blog. For the rest of you...here it is.
Today I sat in Memaw's living room and watched a big storm roll in. There's something unique about the sound of the wind whipping through the tall pine trees. The sky darkened and the rain pounded the ground outside the open windows. I love the smell of rain just as it begins to fall and especially love the smell of wet pine trees.
As I sat and watched the storm, I began to think of how often I have used rain as an analogy for God's presence this year. Then I thought about how varied rain is. There's drizzly rain that mostly just gives you frizzy hair. There's the slow, steady rain that nourishes the grass and really replenishes the moisture. There's the cold, hard, driving rain that drives you indoors to seek a warm fire. There's the quick summer storms that invoke a touch of fear and a lot of awe with their lightening shows.
The longer I thought about all the different types of rain, the more I was amazed at our Creator. He just never does things exactly the same way twice in nature. It made me wonder a little bit about how He moves among His people. It seems that there is a lot of variety there as well. I have certain expectations about how God is going to move in Anna. Maybe instead I should just hang out and see what God can do and marvel at all the different ways that He rains out His presence on His people.
Looking forward to a superb day at The Crossroads tomorrow. Can't wait to get caught up with everybody and to finalize mission trip plans. It's cool to be really excited to come back home after Christmas and to be filled with anticipation about what God's got in store for the new year.
Today I sat in Memaw's living room and watched a big storm roll in. There's something unique about the sound of the wind whipping through the tall pine trees. The sky darkened and the rain pounded the ground outside the open windows. I love the smell of rain just as it begins to fall and especially love the smell of wet pine trees.
As I sat and watched the storm, I began to think of how often I have used rain as an analogy for God's presence this year. Then I thought about how varied rain is. There's drizzly rain that mostly just gives you frizzy hair. There's the slow, steady rain that nourishes the grass and really replenishes the moisture. There's the cold, hard, driving rain that drives you indoors to seek a warm fire. There's the quick summer storms that invoke a touch of fear and a lot of awe with their lightening shows.
The longer I thought about all the different types of rain, the more I was amazed at our Creator. He just never does things exactly the same way twice in nature. It made me wonder a little bit about how He moves among His people. It seems that there is a lot of variety there as well. I have certain expectations about how God is going to move in Anna. Maybe instead I should just hang out and see what God can do and marvel at all the different ways that He rains out His presence on His people.
Looking forward to a superb day at The Crossroads tomorrow. Can't wait to get caught up with everybody and to finalize mission trip plans. It's cool to be really excited to come back home after Christmas and to be filled with anticipation about what God's got in store for the new year.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I think I'm scared of all the wrong things
The other night I had the strangest dreams about natural disasters. They were that crystal clear kind where you wake up, and it takes you a minute to realize that the dreams were not real. In a nutshell - in one dream I was driving down the highway in a severe storm that suddenly formed several funnel clouds. I evacuated the car with Grace and Abby and took off running across a field, trying to reach a ditch that might offer some protection. In my dream, my heart was racing, the adrenaline was pumping, and the fear was overwhelming. The scene of the dream suddenly changed, and I was in my classroom and could see a huge grassfire blazing across the field coming toward the school and could not find a way to evacuate all of my students. Again...horrible fear consumed me.
After I woke up, my heart was still beating hard, and I began to think through my scary list. Tornadoes, fire, spiders, snakes, really tight spaces, getting my face wet.....The list became rather long. As the list grew, I began to pray against the fear and seemed to hear God saying that I am afraid of all the wrong stuff. Huh? Sometimes God is really confusing.
But here's the deal....in most cases, the stuff that I'm afraid of isn't even deadly. Then I realized that in my long list of scary stuff, it never even occurred to me to list Satan. I began to wonder why it is that I am more afraid of spiders than Satan. God seemed to be showing me that I might need to pay less attention to my scary list and more attention to the reality of spiritual warfare. I think I should worry less about getting my face wet in the shower and more about making sure I am well equipped and very prepared to meet the enemy.
Strange how God can use the weirdest stuff...
So tonight's the last blog for awhile. I expect to be without internet until I get back home next Saturday. I hope you all have a merry Christmas. Filled with rest, relaxation, good food, family, and friends. Safe travels to you all. Be thinking about your New Year's resolutions. I have some ready. We'll see how they compare.
After I woke up, my heart was still beating hard, and I began to think through my scary list. Tornadoes, fire, spiders, snakes, really tight spaces, getting my face wet.....The list became rather long. As the list grew, I began to pray against the fear and seemed to hear God saying that I am afraid of all the wrong stuff. Huh? Sometimes God is really confusing.
But here's the deal....in most cases, the stuff that I'm afraid of isn't even deadly. Then I realized that in my long list of scary stuff, it never even occurred to me to list Satan. I began to wonder why it is that I am more afraid of spiders than Satan. God seemed to be showing me that I might need to pay less attention to my scary list and more attention to the reality of spiritual warfare. I think I should worry less about getting my face wet in the shower and more about making sure I am well equipped and very prepared to meet the enemy.
Strange how God can use the weirdest stuff...
So tonight's the last blog for awhile. I expect to be without internet until I get back home next Saturday. I hope you all have a merry Christmas. Filled with rest, relaxation, good food, family, and friends. Safe travels to you all. Be thinking about your New Year's resolutions. I have some ready. We'll see how they compare.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thanksgiving
It's that time of year again. Where I am teaching first graders silly songs about turkeys, helping them memorize the ABC's of thanksgiving poetry, and designing and decorating costumes for the thanksgiving play. (Just an aside for those of you who enjoy laughing at/with me- today I was practicing one of the songs and became so off key that I gave up entirely and moved on to another activity.) As we learn about the Pilgrims and Native Americans and the first Thanksgiving, I am always amazed to see how God provided. I remember the first year that I was reading to the kids and discussing the events of 1620, and it all connected with me about just how precisely God took care of those early settlers.
If you have never played connect the dots here it is for you. The best I remember it without my books handy to double check my facts.
Pilgrims: seeking religious freedom, leave England, sailing for America. Storm at sea blows them off course and they land WAY north of their intended destination - at some place called Plymouth. They meet a Native, who happens to speak English and teaches them the necessary survival skills for living in their environment so that they do not all perish in their new land. Remember that this is the part of the country that years later argued for our freedom of religion in the bill of rights.
Squanto: many years earlier is captured and taken into slavery, during which he learns English. Years later when he is freed and returns to his former home, his entire village has been destroyed. He hooks up with some locals and lives happily until one day when a ship lands on his beach. Then he finds it in the goodness of his heart to assist these poor white men learn survival skills. God's getting ready to use his painful past to change the world.
So - here's what had to happen - Native sold into slavery, learns English. Ship blown way off course to ensure that Pilgrims land in a place where there is assistance - from someone who speaks their language. What are the chances of making a wrong turn and ending up exactly where you need to be?
I was thinking today about this. Many years ago, I'm pretty sure that I made a wrong turn. However, it seems to have landed me exactly where I need to be at this particular moment in my life. So even though I am fairly uncertain about where my future lies, I am glad to know that I serve a God who has the ability to unite one of the only English speaking Natives in an untamed land with a group of people blown miles off course so that his purposes would be fulfilled. I am excited that my future is being held in such capable hands.
If you have never played connect the dots here it is for you. The best I remember it without my books handy to double check my facts.
Pilgrims: seeking religious freedom, leave England, sailing for America. Storm at sea blows them off course and they land WAY north of their intended destination - at some place called Plymouth. They meet a Native, who happens to speak English and teaches them the necessary survival skills for living in their environment so that they do not all perish in their new land. Remember that this is the part of the country that years later argued for our freedom of religion in the bill of rights.
Squanto: many years earlier is captured and taken into slavery, during which he learns English. Years later when he is freed and returns to his former home, his entire village has been destroyed. He hooks up with some locals and lives happily until one day when a ship lands on his beach. Then he finds it in the goodness of his heart to assist these poor white men learn survival skills. God's getting ready to use his painful past to change the world.
So - here's what had to happen - Native sold into slavery, learns English. Ship blown way off course to ensure that Pilgrims land in a place where there is assistance - from someone who speaks their language. What are the chances of making a wrong turn and ending up exactly where you need to be?
I was thinking today about this. Many years ago, I'm pretty sure that I made a wrong turn. However, it seems to have landed me exactly where I need to be at this particular moment in my life. So even though I am fairly uncertain about where my future lies, I am glad to know that I serve a God who has the ability to unite one of the only English speaking Natives in an untamed land with a group of people blown miles off course so that his purposes would be fulfilled. I am excited that my future is being held in such capable hands.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Happy Friday
Am I glad that it is Friday at long last! Or at least it will be by the time you all read this. It has been a long, hard week in first grade. I love having weekends off. It's awesome!
Here's my spiritual thought for the day. Matthew 28: 16-17, "Meanwhile, the eleven disciples were on their way to Galilee, headed for a mountain Jesus had set for their reunion. The moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally." Has anything changed? It is still our tendency, even mine as much as I love worship, to hold back and not risk myself openly before other people. Wonder why that is? Is it because of the personal nature of worship, or the fear of ...well I'm not sure exactly what?
So God is saying interesting stuff to me right now. Pray hard for me to hear him clearly and to understand what on earth he's talking about. I'm mostly just confused!! He talks to me clearly about other people - sometimes even their deep secrets and difficult struggles. I guess I just need to find whoever he's talking to about me so I can figure all this stuff out.
Here's my spiritual thought for the day. Matthew 28: 16-17, "Meanwhile, the eleven disciples were on their way to Galilee, headed for a mountain Jesus had set for their reunion. The moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally." Has anything changed? It is still our tendency, even mine as much as I love worship, to hold back and not risk myself openly before other people. Wonder why that is? Is it because of the personal nature of worship, or the fear of ...well I'm not sure exactly what?
So God is saying interesting stuff to me right now. Pray hard for me to hear him clearly and to understand what on earth he's talking about. I'm mostly just confused!! He talks to me clearly about other people - sometimes even their deep secrets and difficult struggles. I guess I just need to find whoever he's talking to about me so I can figure all this stuff out.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Serious Obedience
Matthew 7:21-23 (The Message) ".....What is required is serious obedience...doing what my Father wills. I can see it now - at the final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, "Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking. And do you know what I am going to say? .......You don't impress me one bit......"
Here's my thought: I understand the obedience factor - that God lays out the best plan for life in his word and we must be obedient in order to have the best life possible. My problem is that I like to be obedient in certain areas of my life, and at certain seasons of my life. Understanding God's word, studying God's word, reading God's word is not what counts - the measure of righteousness is in the doing. It is in the doing that I have the biggest struggle with my flesh. My rebellious nature is difficult to tame and bring into submission. I can immediately think of several areas where I am not walking in full obedience to God's word.
The other thought: How many "God-sponsored projects" have I been a part of in my lifetime? In retrospect, there is a lot of "stuff" in church that we did with good intentions that had very little to do with increasing our intimate walk with Christ. I am mulling over in my head how much "stuff" we do in American church - is that helping or hindering us in growing closer to Christ? There is certainly a balance to be found - ministry is important - I just have wondered some lately about how corrupted my view of Christianity and Church might be because of my culture and background. It seems that maybe we have made a really big production out of something that God designed with simplicity. Don't have all the right answers on this one, just beginning to roll it around in my head.
One last thought - I hope the term "serious obedience" is meant to reflect the desire of our heart to be sincere and humble in obedience, not lacking a sense of humor. I have no desire to return to legalism after being set free.
Unrelated - tonight the family is sitting down at the supper table, alone. My children are confused by this. Why did we not invite anyone to come over tonight? What a change of mind-set from a few years ago when people ate with us on rare and special occasions. I like the changes in our family's life - that our children have come to expect hospitality and are now confused when there are no people at our home.
Here's my thought: I understand the obedience factor - that God lays out the best plan for life in his word and we must be obedient in order to have the best life possible. My problem is that I like to be obedient in certain areas of my life, and at certain seasons of my life. Understanding God's word, studying God's word, reading God's word is not what counts - the measure of righteousness is in the doing. It is in the doing that I have the biggest struggle with my flesh. My rebellious nature is difficult to tame and bring into submission. I can immediately think of several areas where I am not walking in full obedience to God's word.
The other thought: How many "God-sponsored projects" have I been a part of in my lifetime? In retrospect, there is a lot of "stuff" in church that we did with good intentions that had very little to do with increasing our intimate walk with Christ. I am mulling over in my head how much "stuff" we do in American church - is that helping or hindering us in growing closer to Christ? There is certainly a balance to be found - ministry is important - I just have wondered some lately about how corrupted my view of Christianity and Church might be because of my culture and background. It seems that maybe we have made a really big production out of something that God designed with simplicity. Don't have all the right answers on this one, just beginning to roll it around in my head.
One last thought - I hope the term "serious obedience" is meant to reflect the desire of our heart to be sincere and humble in obedience, not lacking a sense of humor. I have no desire to return to legalism after being set free.
Unrelated - tonight the family is sitting down at the supper table, alone. My children are confused by this. Why did we not invite anyone to come over tonight? What a change of mind-set from a few years ago when people ate with us on rare and special occasions. I like the changes in our family's life - that our children have come to expect hospitality and are now confused when there are no people at our home.
Friday, September 12, 2008
No Worries! and It's not my show!
It has been really interesting to start over in the New Testament in the Message Remix. Today I was reading in Matthew chapter 6 about a God-centered lifestyle. Here's some of the stuff that I noticed.
No worries:
Vs. 30-33, God's talking about the beauty of the flowers and then here's the application, "What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. .....don't worry about missing out."
I thought - OH! that's it! I am often so afraid of missing out on the "good life" that my friends are living that I find myself chasing after some of the same dreams instead of relaxing and living in God's grace and mercy. The more my focus shifts onto God and his giving and his other attributes, the less I can focus on getting.
It's not my show!
There was a lot of good stuff in this chapter. I love this phrasing of verse 5, "And when you come before God, don't turn that into theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayer, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat!" HAAAAA! Wow!!!!! Can I repeat that in traditional church? There is so much that we did to look spiritual or to keep up with other churches or for whatever reason. We have often treated God like he is a spectator at our show. Instead for the rest of my life, I want to be an actor in HIS SHOW! I am willing to play a minor role, as long as I get to work alongside the King of Kings. Please, don't ever let me be guilty again of putting on a show for others and expecting God to watch me from the sidelines.
No worries:
Vs. 30-33, God's talking about the beauty of the flowers and then here's the application, "What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. .....don't worry about missing out."
I thought - OH! that's it! I am often so afraid of missing out on the "good life" that my friends are living that I find myself chasing after some of the same dreams instead of relaxing and living in God's grace and mercy. The more my focus shifts onto God and his giving and his other attributes, the less I can focus on getting.
It's not my show!
There was a lot of good stuff in this chapter. I love this phrasing of verse 5, "And when you come before God, don't turn that into theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayer, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat!" HAAAAA! Wow!!!!! Can I repeat that in traditional church? There is so much that we did to look spiritual or to keep up with other churches or for whatever reason. We have often treated God like he is a spectator at our show. Instead for the rest of my life, I want to be an actor in HIS SHOW! I am willing to play a minor role, as long as I get to work alongside the King of Kings. Please, don't ever let me be guilty again of putting on a show for others and expecting God to watch me from the sidelines.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Desperation and temptation
My quiet time this morning was in Matthew 4. I had an interesting thought after reading about Jesus' temptation in the wilderness. Satan tries hard to take advantage of us when we are tired, hungry, and alone. I've recognized this personally, and there it was in the account of Jesus' temptation. When I reach the bottom emotionally and physically, Satan's plans tend to sound pretty good, and I catch myself justifying temptation. I try to rationalize my way through the situation and examine my own thoughts and conscience - which of course is flawed by selfishness. Instead, Jesus just lays it all out against scripture. Scripture is always right. Anytime that my bright ideas are not lined out with scripture, that is not God's voice talking in my head. Sometimes I face temptation with desperation, and I panic. Jesus seemed to have a better plan.
Now - I don't know that any of that was new, but here's the new thought that I had. Sometimes I have been in situations where I am too tired, or drained, or whatever, to even think through or rationalize my actions. I wondered if that was where Jesus was emotionally on that day. Today when I read this account, I seemed to see some different emotions than I ever have before. Maybe Jesus quoted scripture because that was the only truth he could hang onto that day. I guess from Sunday School I always thought that Jesus had this temptation thing really well under control, (after all, He was God), but maybe, just maybe, there was more desperation in his voice than I ever heard before.
Rereading this, I'm not sure that I have done a good job explaining myself. But here's the bottom line. Rereading the account of Jesus' temptation made me think that he understands desperation in the face of temptation. And he handled it with the only truth that is certain. He did not trust even his own wisdom and understanding. He used scripture instead. If he needed to use scripture, maybe I should not feel so ashamed when I cannot rationalize my way out of temptation in my own strength. I guess it made me feel some relief that it was hard for Jesus, too.
Now - I don't know that any of that was new, but here's the new thought that I had. Sometimes I have been in situations where I am too tired, or drained, or whatever, to even think through or rationalize my actions. I wondered if that was where Jesus was emotionally on that day. Today when I read this account, I seemed to see some different emotions than I ever have before. Maybe Jesus quoted scripture because that was the only truth he could hang onto that day. I guess from Sunday School I always thought that Jesus had this temptation thing really well under control, (after all, He was God), but maybe, just maybe, there was more desperation in his voice than I ever heard before.
Rereading this, I'm not sure that I have done a good job explaining myself. But here's the bottom line. Rereading the account of Jesus' temptation made me think that he understands desperation in the face of temptation. And he handled it with the only truth that is certain. He did not trust even his own wisdom and understanding. He used scripture instead. If he needed to use scripture, maybe I should not feel so ashamed when I cannot rationalize my way out of temptation in my own strength. I guess it made me feel some relief that it was hard for Jesus, too.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Pleasing God....and inside jokes
This morning I read about Jesus' baptism in Matthew chapter 3. I loved God's words, "This is my son. I am very pleased with Him." I think that would be such a cool thing to hear God say. Most of the time I feel like I'm doing okay in following Christ. Like God could say, "This is my daughter. I'm pleased with her sometimes. She just has this really bad stubborn streak that we're still working on."
I finally get it....that God makes us weak and imperfect so that he can be our strength. I would just like to be stronger more often. I wish that God wouldn't wait until the last minute to rescue me from stupidity. I wish that he would rescue me more often before I am stupid. I guess living through stupid makes me more humble? It's seems like such a painful way to learn humility.
Just in case you are unsure about the tone of this blog - I am laughing at myself here. Not that I am not serious as well, but I am aware that perfection is not a possibility and I have to laugh at myself and my moments.
* Oh, speaking of laughing, my new Anna friends and I have our first inside joke. Don't you love coming to that point in relationships where you develop the first laugh that nobody else really gets! For me, it seems that the first inside joke is really the moment a relationship goes to a new level and becomes more than casual. The inside joke level of friendship means that you are tight enough to share experiences together that you have not shared with your other friends. (Of course the hard part for me is remembering who knows about what inside jokes - part of the stupidity thing I was talking about earlier.)
I tried explaining the whole joke just now...yeah, totally had to delete it because it was not at all hysterically funny online. Of course it's a little inappropriate, so if you are dying to hear the story in person, don't ask me about it in front of my children.
I finally get it....that God makes us weak and imperfect so that he can be our strength. I would just like to be stronger more often. I wish that God wouldn't wait until the last minute to rescue me from stupidity. I wish that he would rescue me more often before I am stupid. I guess living through stupid makes me more humble? It's seems like such a painful way to learn humility.
Just in case you are unsure about the tone of this blog - I am laughing at myself here. Not that I am not serious as well, but I am aware that perfection is not a possibility and I have to laugh at myself and my moments.
* Oh, speaking of laughing, my new Anna friends and I have our first inside joke. Don't you love coming to that point in relationships where you develop the first laugh that nobody else really gets! For me, it seems that the first inside joke is really the moment a relationship goes to a new level and becomes more than casual. The inside joke level of friendship means that you are tight enough to share experiences together that you have not shared with your other friends. (Of course the hard part for me is remembering who knows about what inside jokes - part of the stupidity thing I was talking about earlier.)
I tried explaining the whole joke just now...yeah, totally had to delete it because it was not at all hysterically funny online. Of course it's a little inappropriate, so if you are dying to hear the story in person, don't ask me about it in front of my children.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Surrender All
Last night our band from The Crossroads got together to practice for our launch service on Sept. 7. The worship set this time starts off with a really alternative, grungy guitar thing and frankly, I was not sure we could pull it off. In fact, I had the music for plan B with me just in case. We were trying this particular song just because the preacher wanted us too. I even rolled my eyes at him when he suggested it. That's my level of faith - right there - eye rolling at the preacher.
So we listened to the CD a couple of times and then the electric guitar kid takes off with the intro and the other guitar guys found their grooves and the organ sound that worship dude made me attempt on the keyboard slid into the gaps and WOW! One of those musical quantum leaps occurred. Suddenly the band was doing stuff that made no logical sense and could only be explained by God. At one point late in the worship set I very literally had an almost out-of body experience. I was playing the keys and watching my left hand cross over my right hand and play some cool thing up in the high register. I remember thinking - where is that hand going - what are those notes- this is really a little weird? I don't know what God has in store for The Crossroads, but He sure is taking care of the music and doing stuff that should be impossible for a new band to do.
On the way to school today, I was listening to the worship set on CD to try to learn some of the stuff that we didn't practice. I had such a strong sense of God's presence there in my car. He has been fairly silent with me for some time (probably because of my rebellion and refusal to surrender fully), but today He spoke again. As I was praying for the block party and the preview service, I had such a strong sense of the hugeness of what we are doing. God showed me that he is doing the loaves and fishes thing with us. In many ways - there's food in my freezer, my crockpot seems bottomless when company arrives, we have a new band that is doing incredible things, and a church plant that is about to launch. Today God showed me the scope of the future of that plant. I am so overwhelmed and humbled that my life gets to be intertwined with this great and mighty venture.
Then on a much more personal note, I began to beg God to free me from some stuff in my life that is keeping me from being fully surrendered to Him. That's when He spoke. (Not out loud, though I did look at the passenger seat just to make sure, it was that clear in my head.) "My beautiful, beautiful baby, when will you understand that I have made you weak so that I can be your strength! I LOVE YOU!" I did not like that answer. I want to be set free, but I loved that God finally explained why I am not free. There in that moment on Mantua Road this morning, I gave up fighting and rebelling (at least for today) and surrendered all. I had to spend some time in the car pulling myself back together again to be able to go to work today. God is doing great things and I am amazed that he is willing to use me. I can't wait to see the rest of the adventure. Who wants to come along for the ride?
So we listened to the CD a couple of times and then the electric guitar kid takes off with the intro and the other guitar guys found their grooves and the organ sound that worship dude made me attempt on the keyboard slid into the gaps and WOW! One of those musical quantum leaps occurred. Suddenly the band was doing stuff that made no logical sense and could only be explained by God. At one point late in the worship set I very literally had an almost out-of body experience. I was playing the keys and watching my left hand cross over my right hand and play some cool thing up in the high register. I remember thinking - where is that hand going - what are those notes- this is really a little weird? I don't know what God has in store for The Crossroads, but He sure is taking care of the music and doing stuff that should be impossible for a new band to do.
On the way to school today, I was listening to the worship set on CD to try to learn some of the stuff that we didn't practice. I had such a strong sense of God's presence there in my car. He has been fairly silent with me for some time (probably because of my rebellion and refusal to surrender fully), but today He spoke again. As I was praying for the block party and the preview service, I had such a strong sense of the hugeness of what we are doing. God showed me that he is doing the loaves and fishes thing with us. In many ways - there's food in my freezer, my crockpot seems bottomless when company arrives, we have a new band that is doing incredible things, and a church plant that is about to launch. Today God showed me the scope of the future of that plant. I am so overwhelmed and humbled that my life gets to be intertwined with this great and mighty venture.
Then on a much more personal note, I began to beg God to free me from some stuff in my life that is keeping me from being fully surrendered to Him. That's when He spoke. (Not out loud, though I did look at the passenger seat just to make sure, it was that clear in my head.) "My beautiful, beautiful baby, when will you understand that I have made you weak so that I can be your strength! I LOVE YOU!" I did not like that answer. I want to be set free, but I loved that God finally explained why I am not free. There in that moment on Mantua Road this morning, I gave up fighting and rebelling (at least for today) and surrendered all. I had to spend some time in the car pulling myself back together again to be able to go to work today. God is doing great things and I am amazed that he is willing to use me. I can't wait to see the rest of the adventure. Who wants to come along for the ride?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Some final thoughts from Zechariah
I finished reading Zechariah this morning. Only one more book to go and I will have finished the entire Bible! Wow! I am even now doing a cheer - you should see my awesome self. (Just Kidding) I thought I might share a few scattered thoughts about the last few chapters in Zechariah. Like a blog within a blog?
God's Resume
Being a recent new hire makes me way too familiar with my resume. I spent hours trying to figure out how to make myself sound professional and like I know what I'm doing. My qualifications just don't measure up when compared to God's Resume. Zechariah 12:1-2, "...This message is from the Lord, who stretched out the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth, and formed the spirit within humans." I am humbled at the reality of God's might and holiness.
Some major fireworks
I enjoy fireworks on the fourth of July. This last year was the first year that I remember not shooting off any fireworks and not going to see any shows. I was actually sick in bed on the fourth. What a bummer. I also love a fire in the fireplace during the winter. There's nothing as charming and comforting as sitting in front of the crackling fire.
However, I would not want to be in a fire. I am even now looking at a scar on my wrist from a recent battle in the kitchen. (the stove won.) But check out Zechariah 13: 9, "I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.' " Truly it is because of some really hard (fiery) times in my life that I have an intimate relationship with God. It seems that the hard times are necessary to focus me on what's important and force me to depend on God who never fails. I wish that I was one of those people who could learn things the easy way, but unfortunately I am rather stubborn. I don't enjoy hard times, but I would not trade my intimate knowledge of some of the aspects of God's character that I have learned during the darkest spots of my life.
Last Thoughts
Zechariah was an interesting mix of hope and doom and stuff I really didn't understand at all. Hope you all enjoyed this book, too.
Tomorrow (Thursday) is my "meet the teacher night" at school. Ya'll pray that I will be able to finish my preparations and that I will make a good first impression on my parents and students. I am pretty nervous. I know that you are all totally shocked by that revelation.
God's Resume
Being a recent new hire makes me way too familiar with my resume. I spent hours trying to figure out how to make myself sound professional and like I know what I'm doing. My qualifications just don't measure up when compared to God's Resume. Zechariah 12:1-2, "...This message is from the Lord, who stretched out the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth, and formed the spirit within humans." I am humbled at the reality of God's might and holiness.
Some major fireworks
I enjoy fireworks on the fourth of July. This last year was the first year that I remember not shooting off any fireworks and not going to see any shows. I was actually sick in bed on the fourth. What a bummer. I also love a fire in the fireplace during the winter. There's nothing as charming and comforting as sitting in front of the crackling fire.
However, I would not want to be in a fire. I am even now looking at a scar on my wrist from a recent battle in the kitchen. (the stove won.) But check out Zechariah 13: 9, "I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.' " Truly it is because of some really hard (fiery) times in my life that I have an intimate relationship with God. It seems that the hard times are necessary to focus me on what's important and force me to depend on God who never fails. I wish that I was one of those people who could learn things the easy way, but unfortunately I am rather stubborn. I don't enjoy hard times, but I would not trade my intimate knowledge of some of the aspects of God's character that I have learned during the darkest spots of my life.
Last Thoughts
Zechariah was an interesting mix of hope and doom and stuff I really didn't understand at all. Hope you all enjoyed this book, too.
Tomorrow (Thursday) is my "meet the teacher night" at school. Ya'll pray that I will be able to finish my preparations and that I will make a good first impression on my parents and students. I am pretty nervous. I know that you are all totally shocked by that revelation.
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