A migraine snuck up and slammed me in the head this morning. I woke up at 4:43 with a tightness in my scalp that signals a bad one is coming. I was too sleepy to get up out of bed and go take anything right that second, and I lived to regret it. By 8:00 I was miserable, by 9:00 it was unbearable, and by 10:00 I was confused and disoriented. Yes, I know it is past time to go back to the doctor. I just hate that place, but I now need something better than the over the counter medicine he recommended a few years ago.
I bumped into my masseuse at a house warming party for a friend. She worked on my pressure points for about 15 minutes, bringing a small measure of relief. I was able to remember how to find my way home and think coherently for the most part, in spite of the excruciating pain.
When I got home, I was desperate for relief. I decided to try running. Endorphins, right? Well, running with a migraine is more painful than childbirth - I've done that 4 times, I should know. The jostling makes the pain worse, to the point where all I could do was count my breaths in and out and try not to vomit from the pain. In my haste to run, I set my ipod to shuffle random songs, hoping that the music would be soothing. Sometimes that helps. Instead it was a hard pumping Audio Adrenaline song.
I have not listened to Audio Adrenaline in many, many years, and their songs are not in any of my favorite playlists on the ipod. However, a random shuffle pulls up anything in the entire library of music, and "Walk on Water" came on. At .5 miles, I realized I had been listening to the same song the entire time. See what I mean, my processing is greatly impaired when I have a migraine - It takes me about 7 minutes to go .5 miles.
I'm not sure how it got stuck on the loop track, but to change the setting after I've turned on my GPS function on my phone will erase my running data that I am charting online. So I just kept listening. Somewhere around the first mile, God reminded me of our call into church planting, "Get out of the boat, get ready for the call, I'm going to show you how to walk on water." I thought about how many times this last 18 months God had done exactly that. He has used us in ways we never, ever dreamed that he would. But the strange thing was the thought that chased after those remembrances. It was God, I think. "I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
What the heck? What have we been doing? What are You fixing to do, God? I'm afraid. I'm already in way over my head. I already feel like I'm drowning so many days as we try to figure out this living missionally thing.
God's response, "I said, I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."
Okay. To quote my favorite pastor, I guess wet underwear is better than splinters in my butt from the safe boat. My answer in advance is yes. Let's go. But You have to help me to be obedient even when I'm afraid of the unknown.
After running nearly 2 miles, I returned to the house for an hour of brutal weight lifting. By the end of some long stretches afterwards, my headache is significantly better. It's not completely gone, but I should be able to function. Now my mind is just racing around that voice I heard, wondering what it all means. Or maybe it was just a crazy thought in my head, brought on by the meds and the pain.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
God is freaking me out
I can't sleep tonight with all these thoughts swirling in my head. They are confusing and muddled, but at least if I write them down, maybe I can sleep. So apologizing in advance if all this makes no sense at all.
My relationship with God has always been pretty cut and dried. I at least thought I had a decent handle on how He operates. I worship, pray, adore, and obey. He gives me peace, strength, and guidance. I feel guilty when I sin - at least sometimes - pray and confess and He forgives me. I try to have a consistent quiet time, then feel bad that I'm not.
The funny thing is that I usually don't question God in tough times. During my miscarriage several years ago, as I lay on the exam table staring at an ultrasound picture without a heartbeat, I turned to Shawn and said, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." I often don't understand what God is doing during the tough times, but I know He is good.
But lately, God's been changing all the rules. He has redefined our relationship in crazy ways. Let's start by giving me an entirely new personality last year. "Merry Christmas - or really happy Labor Day - I'm turning you into a sanguine." Want to talk about shaking up my life? My kids were talking about this yesterday. They were remembering how things used to be and how things are now. That will be a blog for a different day. It was an unbelievable, yet really tough and painful conversation.
God has always been very real to me. I have been able to see his hand in many areas of my life, and yet at the same time he has also been very distant. In the recent past this has all changed - beginning probably with the day I ran in the rain (see archives) and began to understand God desired more than obedience, he wanted relationship. God speaking into my life in very clear and intimate ways is hard to get used to. At times I think I am very fortunate, but at times I think I am totally crazy. Maybe the voices in my head are not God. Maybe I'm nuts and don't know it. It does run in the family.
But even more recently things have just been freaking me out. Before Thanksgiving we were at a friend's house to watch football on his big TV. On the way home, I said to Shawn, "Gosh it would be nice to be able to see the TV that clearly from across the room." Now we don't need a TV. It is not anywhere near the top of our want list. However, that's what Shawn's mom bought us for Christmas. Without being asked.
Shawn's back has been bothering him for quite a while. I was thinking that we needed a mattress, but couldn't come up with any funds. Again, Shawn's mom called up out of the blue and told us she was buying a very slightly used mattress from an elderly lady who was downsizing her bed.
Last week, Katie, my 9 year old, asked what I wanted for Christmas. I gave her the inexpensive short list. On that list was a green necklace and jogging pants. That was on Friday. God gave those to me from friends cleaning out their closets on Sunday.
This afternoon, Shawn told me that he was having to rethink my Christmas gift because he had planned to purchase a week long trip for us for spring break, but was concerned that it would be too hard on his mom to try to keep all the kids for that long. I said out loud, I guess we will be more limited in what we can go and do if your mom isn't available to babysit often. Tonight, our small group and friends got together for our Christmas party. Our gift from our church was each member took a blank gift card and filled in what they would be willing to do for us. There were several overnight babysitters. (Loved lots of the other gifts, too - a day of manual labor - that will be so useful in trying to get the house on the market) Anyway, I was floored. Not that we will seriously go on the trip, but I was amazed that I expressed a desire - not a need out loud, and God met it within 4 hours.
An even smaller detail? When I'm running, as I pray or meditate or even just have crazy random thoughts, more often than not my Ipod shuffle matches up to whatever is going on. It shifts as my brain changes gears. Last night my run started with a journey song that was mine and Shawn's first "our song." I spent the run thinking about where we once were and how we have been redeemed. The last song on my way back in was another journey song that is our current "our song." How wild is that that my shuffle opened and closed my run that way?
Bottom line, this is all just a little weird. I think that it is so cool that the God of the universe who created the stars is a personal God that loves us enough to care about these little things. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I am not surprised when my husband does little things for me. I don't know why it seems strange that God does those same types of little things. I absolutely don't get what or if God is using all of this to teach me something new. It is beyond my comprehension to understand that I even register on the radar with God. After all - who really needs a new necklace, or babysitters, or a big TV? These are not necessities, nor do they further the ministry.
What makes this even more complex and confusing is that I am not getting clear answers to big things that I'm praying about. I am seeking God about my future. I feel that long term there is more for me than teaching first grade. (I don't know if more is the right word or if different would be better.) I do not know how God plans to tie together my love of writing, worship, missions, and speaking. I cannot see into His plans at all. All I know is that right now, today, He is using me beyond belief right where I am. I am waiting and trying hard to be faithful serving in the role where I heard from him last. And I am trying to figure out why He is giving me things that I have only expressed a breath of desire about having.
The crazy thing about this is that I can believe God is good in bad times - but I'm a little suspicious about why He's being so intimately involved in my life. Why me? It's hard for me to accept any of this as unconditional and undeserved love with no strings attached. My attitude about all this is a surprise to me.
I guess I should learn that God is not predictable, explainable, or containable.
My relationship with God has always been pretty cut and dried. I at least thought I had a decent handle on how He operates. I worship, pray, adore, and obey. He gives me peace, strength, and guidance. I feel guilty when I sin - at least sometimes - pray and confess and He forgives me. I try to have a consistent quiet time, then feel bad that I'm not.
The funny thing is that I usually don't question God in tough times. During my miscarriage several years ago, as I lay on the exam table staring at an ultrasound picture without a heartbeat, I turned to Shawn and said, "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." I often don't understand what God is doing during the tough times, but I know He is good.
But lately, God's been changing all the rules. He has redefined our relationship in crazy ways. Let's start by giving me an entirely new personality last year. "Merry Christmas - or really happy Labor Day - I'm turning you into a sanguine." Want to talk about shaking up my life? My kids were talking about this yesterday. They were remembering how things used to be and how things are now. That will be a blog for a different day. It was an unbelievable, yet really tough and painful conversation.
God has always been very real to me. I have been able to see his hand in many areas of my life, and yet at the same time he has also been very distant. In the recent past this has all changed - beginning probably with the day I ran in the rain (see archives) and began to understand God desired more than obedience, he wanted relationship. God speaking into my life in very clear and intimate ways is hard to get used to. At times I think I am very fortunate, but at times I think I am totally crazy. Maybe the voices in my head are not God. Maybe I'm nuts and don't know it. It does run in the family.
But even more recently things have just been freaking me out. Before Thanksgiving we were at a friend's house to watch football on his big TV. On the way home, I said to Shawn, "Gosh it would be nice to be able to see the TV that clearly from across the room." Now we don't need a TV. It is not anywhere near the top of our want list. However, that's what Shawn's mom bought us for Christmas. Without being asked.
Shawn's back has been bothering him for quite a while. I was thinking that we needed a mattress, but couldn't come up with any funds. Again, Shawn's mom called up out of the blue and told us she was buying a very slightly used mattress from an elderly lady who was downsizing her bed.
Last week, Katie, my 9 year old, asked what I wanted for Christmas. I gave her the inexpensive short list. On that list was a green necklace and jogging pants. That was on Friday. God gave those to me from friends cleaning out their closets on Sunday.
This afternoon, Shawn told me that he was having to rethink my Christmas gift because he had planned to purchase a week long trip for us for spring break, but was concerned that it would be too hard on his mom to try to keep all the kids for that long. I said out loud, I guess we will be more limited in what we can go and do if your mom isn't available to babysit often. Tonight, our small group and friends got together for our Christmas party. Our gift from our church was each member took a blank gift card and filled in what they would be willing to do for us. There were several overnight babysitters. (Loved lots of the other gifts, too - a day of manual labor - that will be so useful in trying to get the house on the market) Anyway, I was floored. Not that we will seriously go on the trip, but I was amazed that I expressed a desire - not a need out loud, and God met it within 4 hours.
An even smaller detail? When I'm running, as I pray or meditate or even just have crazy random thoughts, more often than not my Ipod shuffle matches up to whatever is going on. It shifts as my brain changes gears. Last night my run started with a journey song that was mine and Shawn's first "our song." I spent the run thinking about where we once were and how we have been redeemed. The last song on my way back in was another journey song that is our current "our song." How wild is that that my shuffle opened and closed my run that way?
Bottom line, this is all just a little weird. I think that it is so cool that the God of the universe who created the stars is a personal God that loves us enough to care about these little things. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I am not surprised when my husband does little things for me. I don't know why it seems strange that God does those same types of little things. I absolutely don't get what or if God is using all of this to teach me something new. It is beyond my comprehension to understand that I even register on the radar with God. After all - who really needs a new necklace, or babysitters, or a big TV? These are not necessities, nor do they further the ministry.
What makes this even more complex and confusing is that I am not getting clear answers to big things that I'm praying about. I am seeking God about my future. I feel that long term there is more for me than teaching first grade. (I don't know if more is the right word or if different would be better.) I do not know how God plans to tie together my love of writing, worship, missions, and speaking. I cannot see into His plans at all. All I know is that right now, today, He is using me beyond belief right where I am. I am waiting and trying hard to be faithful serving in the role where I heard from him last. And I am trying to figure out why He is giving me things that I have only expressed a breath of desire about having.
The crazy thing about this is that I can believe God is good in bad times - but I'm a little suspicious about why He's being so intimately involved in my life. Why me? It's hard for me to accept any of this as unconditional and undeserved love with no strings attached. My attitude about all this is a surprise to me.
I guess I should learn that God is not predictable, explainable, or containable.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday Morning Update 12.13.09
Another week has absolutely flown by. I haven't had any spare minutes this week for blogging, or anything else for that matter. I even missed running twice this week because of my crazy schedule. And it has to be crazy to make me skip running. I am frantically trying to finish painting a whole mess of plywood cutout scenes for Y(our) Hometown Christmas coming up next weekend. Unfortunately I have been working far too late at night. I was painting away and made a beard on baby Jesus. OOPS! That's an error that will have to be fixed tomorrow.
My 35th birthday came and went in a blur. Shawn got me a sweet electric guitar - now just to learn to play. Then the next night he cooked a beautiful steak dinner. I even managed to stay awake for the whole meal. Tonight he finished off the weekend with my favorite birthday cake - a ding dong cake.
Our band played in the Christmas Parade on Saturday. Here's the funny part - it was drizzling rain. I panicked about my really nice expensive Yamaha Motiff getting damp, so I covered it with a tarp. Then I slipped my hands under the tarp and played away. These are the benefits of being able to play without looking, I guess! The funniest moment was when the tarp was blowing away. I needed some way to anchor it, so I shoved one corner into my pants, then I reached over and tucked the other corner into my guitar guy's coat pocket. Quickly the vocalists came to my rescue with some duct tape. Love that stuff!
Services this morning were fantastic. We had a packed house. We finally broke the 100 mark. I am so excited to see so many new families seeking to find a way to serve at The Crossroads. I am loving church planting. I love that we are open and honest and find healing from our hurts together. I love that we pray for and with each other. I love that we find unmeasurable joy together.
Shawn preached another sermon in the Naughty or Nice series. My favorite point from this sermon is that the shepherds that received the news of Jesus' birth on that first night were keepers of the temple lambs. They understood the need for a sacrifice for our sins. That night they saw the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of all mankind. How incredible that must have been to see the Son of God!
Worship went well. It is good to see people engaging in worshipping God freely with emotion and expectation and gratitude and hunger and passion....Love it!
Today we had several families at our Peak 1 class. These families will be launching into journey groups in Anna after the first of the year. I can't wait to see how they will be able to engage other families as well.
Life is back to crazy again tomorrow. This last week before Christmas break will be busy, busy, busy. Love my life - even when it's insane!
Just a note: Ever notice how God gives you things that you never even actually asked for? Last week Katie asked me about what I wanted for Christmas. I mentioned some green jewelry and some more jogging pants. This morning at church a couple of friends were cleaning out closets and thought of me. What did they bring me? No lie - green jewelry and jogging pants. That was way too specific to be a coincidence, and yet it is bizarre that God would care about anything so very insignificant as jewelry or clothes. I don't know that I will ever be able to figure out God and how He works.
My 35th birthday came and went in a blur. Shawn got me a sweet electric guitar - now just to learn to play. Then the next night he cooked a beautiful steak dinner. I even managed to stay awake for the whole meal. Tonight he finished off the weekend with my favorite birthday cake - a ding dong cake.
Our band played in the Christmas Parade on Saturday. Here's the funny part - it was drizzling rain. I panicked about my really nice expensive Yamaha Motiff getting damp, so I covered it with a tarp. Then I slipped my hands under the tarp and played away. These are the benefits of being able to play without looking, I guess! The funniest moment was when the tarp was blowing away. I needed some way to anchor it, so I shoved one corner into my pants, then I reached over and tucked the other corner into my guitar guy's coat pocket. Quickly the vocalists came to my rescue with some duct tape. Love that stuff!
Services this morning were fantastic. We had a packed house. We finally broke the 100 mark. I am so excited to see so many new families seeking to find a way to serve at The Crossroads. I am loving church planting. I love that we are open and honest and find healing from our hurts together. I love that we pray for and with each other. I love that we find unmeasurable joy together.
Shawn preached another sermon in the Naughty or Nice series. My favorite point from this sermon is that the shepherds that received the news of Jesus' birth on that first night were keepers of the temple lambs. They understood the need for a sacrifice for our sins. That night they saw the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of all mankind. How incredible that must have been to see the Son of God!
Worship went well. It is good to see people engaging in worshipping God freely with emotion and expectation and gratitude and hunger and passion....Love it!
Today we had several families at our Peak 1 class. These families will be launching into journey groups in Anna after the first of the year. I can't wait to see how they will be able to engage other families as well.
Life is back to crazy again tomorrow. This last week before Christmas break will be busy, busy, busy. Love my life - even when it's insane!
Just a note: Ever notice how God gives you things that you never even actually asked for? Last week Katie asked me about what I wanted for Christmas. I mentioned some green jewelry and some more jogging pants. This morning at church a couple of friends were cleaning out closets and thought of me. What did they bring me? No lie - green jewelry and jogging pants. That was way too specific to be a coincidence, and yet it is bizarre that God would care about anything so very insignificant as jewelry or clothes. I don't know that I will ever be able to figure out God and how He works.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Monday morning update 12.7.09
The weekends fly by way too fast. It was crazy this weekend with parties, church, community, and school events. Of course I love all the craziness in my life. I love that I know so many people in our town. I can't wait to sell our house and get relocated.
We had a great service this weekend. I was beginning to wonder if we would need more chairs. I love all of the new families who are making The Crossroads a part of their life.
Worship was good. I liked Fee's version of " joy to the world", and Hillsong's "Mighty to Save". Our invitation, "Grace Like Rain" is one of my favorites. Don't know why exactly, but I like playing it and when I sing along, I am more often on pitch than off.
Shawn's new message series, "naughty or nice" is going to be interesting. He's talking about God & does God keep a good and bad list. True confession (sorry babe) I had trouble getting past the title and focusing on the message. I thought Shawn said during pillowtalk that it was nice to be naughty.
We have a busy week this week. Gonna be working hard to prep for Christmas light show coming up. Painters, anyone?
We had a great service this weekend. I was beginning to wonder if we would need more chairs. I love all of the new families who are making The Crossroads a part of their life.
Worship was good. I liked Fee's version of " joy to the world", and Hillsong's "Mighty to Save". Our invitation, "Grace Like Rain" is one of my favorites. Don't know why exactly, but I like playing it and when I sing along, I am more often on pitch than off.
Shawn's new message series, "naughty or nice" is going to be interesting. He's talking about God & does God keep a good and bad list. True confession (sorry babe) I had trouble getting past the title and focusing on the message. I thought Shawn said during pillowtalk that it was nice to be naughty.
We have a busy week this week. Gonna be working hard to prep for Christmas light show coming up. Painters, anyone?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
The secret
It's been nearly a week since I've had time to sit down and blog. The words in my head are taking over. It's quite noisy in my brain tonight. There are several pieces waiting to be written, but I don't know when I will get caught up. Right now I am blogging from my phone in my dark bedroom listening to the snores of my husband.
Life in the second year of church planting is so busy that it makes the first year look like an easy part time job. I have not invested nearly enough quality time in my family over the last several months as I would like. So tonight I had tons to do, but chose instead to walk away for a few hours to take my oldest daughter, Grace out for the evening.
On our way to the movies, Grace began to talk about her friends who have divorced parents. She talked about their brokenness and hurt over the fighting and manipulation that often happens. She was concerned about a child having to split up holidays. Finally she looked at me and said, "What's the secret to staying married forever and crazy in love like you and dad?"
It was neat to share with her my secret to staying married. Here it is: stay married. That's the secret. Don't give up. Keep looking for ways to communicate love to your spouse. My husband hears "I love you" very differently from me. He needs absolute respect from me. Absolutely always treating his opinions as important, speaking to him in a tone of voice that is respectful, and telling him often how amazing he is. His other love language is service - he feels loved when I wash the dishes, or mop my kitchen. And the other way he feels loved? Well, he is a guy...
On the other hand, he tries as hard as he can to communicate love to me in a way that I understand. I like quality time. I love when we go on dates, or even just sit together in the floor by the fireplace and have a cup of coffee. I also like thoughtfulness - a cup of coffee at work, my favorite snack in the cabinet, a full tank of gas.
So I tried to explain to Grace that the secret to my good marriage is a lot of hard work by both of us. There are other factors: common values, shared faith, good chemistry. However, I would say that being determined to show my husband love in a way that he understands, whether he earns it or not, and him doing the same for me, is the secret to it all.
We had a great night. I know that tomorrow will be rough when I have to catch up on the things I dropped tonight, but I wouldn't trade tonight for a million bucks. Just our conversations about relationships were priceless, in addition to having fun together.
Life in the second year of church planting is so busy that it makes the first year look like an easy part time job. I have not invested nearly enough quality time in my family over the last several months as I would like. So tonight I had tons to do, but chose instead to walk away for a few hours to take my oldest daughter, Grace out for the evening.
On our way to the movies, Grace began to talk about her friends who have divorced parents. She talked about their brokenness and hurt over the fighting and manipulation that often happens. She was concerned about a child having to split up holidays. Finally she looked at me and said, "What's the secret to staying married forever and crazy in love like you and dad?"
It was neat to share with her my secret to staying married. Here it is: stay married. That's the secret. Don't give up. Keep looking for ways to communicate love to your spouse. My husband hears "I love you" very differently from me. He needs absolute respect from me. Absolutely always treating his opinions as important, speaking to him in a tone of voice that is respectful, and telling him often how amazing he is. His other love language is service - he feels loved when I wash the dishes, or mop my kitchen. And the other way he feels loved? Well, he is a guy...
On the other hand, he tries as hard as he can to communicate love to me in a way that I understand. I like quality time. I love when we go on dates, or even just sit together in the floor by the fireplace and have a cup of coffee. I also like thoughtfulness - a cup of coffee at work, my favorite snack in the cabinet, a full tank of gas.
So I tried to explain to Grace that the secret to my good marriage is a lot of hard work by both of us. There are other factors: common values, shared faith, good chemistry. However, I would say that being determined to show my husband love in a way that he understands, whether he earns it or not, and him doing the same for me, is the secret to it all.
We had a great night. I know that tomorrow will be rough when I have to catch up on the things I dropped tonight, but I wouldn't trade tonight for a million bucks. Just our conversations about relationships were priceless, in addition to having fun together.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Look!
One of the things that Shawn mentioned today in his sermon was how often Jesus "looked" or "saw" in scripture. His eyes were always open, and His life was always available. This afternoon, I reluctantly slid into my running shoes and cracked open the door to greet a cold, wet run. I was not excited about this at all. Boy, was I wrong. I had not run long when I heard God remind me to look. Normally as I run, God speaks and I listen, or I vent and God listens, but today as I ran I just looked.
When I looked, I saw the amazing beauty of creation. I mean, really saw it. I felt like a blind woman who has suddenly been given back her sight. I looked at the trees in my neighborhood. Every tree is unique. There are trees with red leaves, trees with brown leaves, trees with no leaves, and trees with green leaves. There are thin, tall trees, short, fat trees, old, gnarled trees, leaning trees, baby trees, ornamental, well-groomed trees, and dying trees. I watched stormy black clouds roll into the sky and noticed the variety in the clouds. I felt the cold drops of rain stinging my lips and realized that each drop of rain only has the opportunity to fall one time.
I watched darkness envelop my community and Christmas lights come on, one house at a time. As I listened to some Norah Jones and Kenny G at the end of my run, I was awed by the beauty of the Christmas lights against God's masterpiece of creation. As beautiful as the lights were, they did not match the beauty of what God had created.
I am so grateful that at this season in my life I have finally discovered running. There are not words to describe the sensual feeling of wind whipping my hair, rain trickling down my skin, and music playing in my ears. I return from every run relaxed and ready to tackle life again. Running reminds me that I am more than a career, a mom, a maid, or a wife. I am a woman - a piece of God's valuable and beautiful creation. For all of my flaws and mistakes and craziness, God loves me more than I can ever grasp or understand. As a raindrop splashed against my lips tonight, I was reminded that like a raindrop only falls once, my life can only be lived once. I want God to use it for His honor and glory. Make it count.
When I looked, I saw the amazing beauty of creation. I mean, really saw it. I felt like a blind woman who has suddenly been given back her sight. I looked at the trees in my neighborhood. Every tree is unique. There are trees with red leaves, trees with brown leaves, trees with no leaves, and trees with green leaves. There are thin, tall trees, short, fat trees, old, gnarled trees, leaning trees, baby trees, ornamental, well-groomed trees, and dying trees. I watched stormy black clouds roll into the sky and noticed the variety in the clouds. I felt the cold drops of rain stinging my lips and realized that each drop of rain only has the opportunity to fall one time.
I watched darkness envelop my community and Christmas lights come on, one house at a time. As I listened to some Norah Jones and Kenny G at the end of my run, I was awed by the beauty of the Christmas lights against God's masterpiece of creation. As beautiful as the lights were, they did not match the beauty of what God had created.
I am so grateful that at this season in my life I have finally discovered running. There are not words to describe the sensual feeling of wind whipping my hair, rain trickling down my skin, and music playing in my ears. I return from every run relaxed and ready to tackle life again. Running reminds me that I am more than a career, a mom, a maid, or a wife. I am a woman - a piece of God's valuable and beautiful creation. For all of my flaws and mistakes and craziness, God loves me more than I can ever grasp or understand. As a raindrop splashed against my lips tonight, I was reminded that like a raindrop only falls once, my life can only be lived once. I want God to use it for His honor and glory. Make it count.
Monday Morning Update 11.30.09
We had a great weekend at The Crossroads. Attendance was down, as is typical on a holiday weekend. Lots of people were traveling home today or trying to catch up around the house after being gone all week. But it was also good to see some other people that have been out for awhile.
Shawn preached a great message about being thankful for all things. He told a story about when our kids were just toddlers, and I created a big paper turkey. We wrote down things on feathers that we were thankful for and attached them to the turkey. Grace was two at the time, and she was incredibly thankful for kool-aid. That story brought back lots of memories for me. I remember trying very hard to create "magic moments" with my babies. We were poorer than dirt. We were on welfare while Shawn was finishing up his master's degree. We figured out that it would cost me about a hundred dollars a month to work, so I stayed home with our three children. I would not trade those years for anything. I learned to find creative ways to create magic for my kids, whether it was taking a ziplock bag to the park to collect nature items to investigate, or painting the bathtub with shaving cream, or playing "pooh sticks" on a little bridge on the seminary campus.
I am thankful this season most of all for my family. When I listen to the crazy chaos in my kitchen of my four children fighting for air time at the table, or my little girl asks me to sing her "The Angel Song," or my son makes a new joke, I am reminded that I am rich beyond measure. As I listened to my husband speak, I was reminded all over again about the crazy chain of events that had to occur for us to even meet. God had a great plan for my life, and I can't wait to see where the rest of my life will go. So far, it has been beautiful and rich beyond my wildest dreams. Sometimes I can't believe that I get to live a life that's even better than "Happy Ever After."
After church, we were able to enjoy Thanksgiving lunch with our church family. I was moved beyond words as I looked around the room and saw so many people that are a part of my life that I did not even know 18 months ago. I was amazed as I watched the people in the room, and realized God's hand in bringing us all together. I cannot imagine life getting better than it is at this moment, but God is not finished yet. And being a part of God's great masterpiece of life is incredible.
Shawn preached a great message about being thankful for all things. He told a story about when our kids were just toddlers, and I created a big paper turkey. We wrote down things on feathers that we were thankful for and attached them to the turkey. Grace was two at the time, and she was incredibly thankful for kool-aid. That story brought back lots of memories for me. I remember trying very hard to create "magic moments" with my babies. We were poorer than dirt. We were on welfare while Shawn was finishing up his master's degree. We figured out that it would cost me about a hundred dollars a month to work, so I stayed home with our three children. I would not trade those years for anything. I learned to find creative ways to create magic for my kids, whether it was taking a ziplock bag to the park to collect nature items to investigate, or painting the bathtub with shaving cream, or playing "pooh sticks" on a little bridge on the seminary campus.
I am thankful this season most of all for my family. When I listen to the crazy chaos in my kitchen of my four children fighting for air time at the table, or my little girl asks me to sing her "The Angel Song," or my son makes a new joke, I am reminded that I am rich beyond measure. As I listened to my husband speak, I was reminded all over again about the crazy chain of events that had to occur for us to even meet. God had a great plan for my life, and I can't wait to see where the rest of my life will go. So far, it has been beautiful and rich beyond my wildest dreams. Sometimes I can't believe that I get to live a life that's even better than "Happy Ever After."
After church, we were able to enjoy Thanksgiving lunch with our church family. I was moved beyond words as I looked around the room and saw so many people that are a part of my life that I did not even know 18 months ago. I was amazed as I watched the people in the room, and realized God's hand in bringing us all together. I cannot imagine life getting better than it is at this moment, but God is not finished yet. And being a part of God's great masterpiece of life is incredible.
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