A Lasting Reminder

Months ago I smacked my thumb with a hammer during a special church service. We were nailing small slips of paper with lists of our sins to a wooden cross to symbolize Christ's payment for our debts. As the weeks passed, the wound turned black, and began to slowly inch upward as my nail grew.

At Christmas, the black spot cracked and popped off - right out of the middle of the finger nail. The process was quite disgustingly nasty. Now I have a bizarre hole in the middle of my finger nail that annoys me greatly and catches on everything. Shawn's grandmother noticed first the blackened spot, then the gaping hole. When I told her about what had happened she spoke quiet words of wisdom, "Whelp, I reckon some of us needs a bit more reminding 'bout thangs than others."

How true - every time I see the remnants of my mishap, I remember that church service. I remember what I wrote on my paper - a long list of sins, covered by a huge word, "REDEEMED." I am reminded daily that Christ took my punishment so that I could experience life in God's presence.

Maybe, just this once, hitting myself with the hammer was more of a blessing than a pain.

Monday Morning Update - Advent Conspiracy

I have been silent for many weeks, strongly impressed to keep my opinions about Advent Conspiracy to myself. In praying about posting Monday Morning Updates, I decided to wait and let others hear from God during this series without my opinions and thoughts weighing in on what God was telling them.

If you are asking, "What is Advent Conspiracy?" Well, it's a book, a movement, and a way of life. Chris Seay wrote a small book entitled Advent Conspiracy that has sparked believers to rethink the materialism at Christmas. Shawn spent several weeks walking through many of these principles with our congregation. You can find these principles and more information online at www.adventconspiracy.org.

We have long felt that we were missing something valuable in Christmas. The year that our children cried because they were tired of opening gifts sort of clued us in that we were missing the point. We love to shower our children with gifts to demonstrate our love, but then in a matter of weeks or months we are hauling off their discarded stuff to Goodwill. Every year we experience great stress attempting to find the perfect gifts for people who don't need or want any more stuff. Then there are the gifts that we buy out of obligation - for people we don't even really like. And then there are the bills - the massive piles of bills from going overboard with money we didn't really have.

So this year, Christmas changed at our house. We only bought gifts for our immediate family. In an effort to be responsible to our budget, and to prevent our dollars supporting slavery, we bought most of our stuff used this year. My daughters and I all received $10 bikes. Katie received a $25 dollhouse that retailed for $200, Grace a $500 drumset for $150, and James a mountain bike for $85. We also bought fair trade items online at www.tradeasone.com. Many of our purchases were probably not fair trade, but at least it is improving.

For Shawn's family, we decided to give the gift of relationship. We all committed to spending a week together this summer on vacation. We will coordinate our time off in such a way that we can stop our busy lives and connect. Looking at the relational aspect of Christmas also made me rethink our holiday. We made the effort this year to see all our parents. It was a long trip, all the way across and around Arkansas, but definitely very rewarding to visit my family.

This last Sunday, we spent time telling our stories. The stories of how God showed up this Christmas. We heard from families about serving the homeless, helping others, and astonishing accounts of blessing. The power of the stories of our people was incredible. I loved getting to hear how God had worked in others. However, I am more excited to see how God continues to work over the next few weeks and months as we continue to rethink how we live. To worship freely, give more, and love fully.

36 and counting

In fifth grade, I had this thing for paper dolls. I played obsessively long games of pretend, you know the type - the princess is rescued by the prince and lives happily ever after. In all these games of pretend, the princess was 16 or so. After all, 20 was just soooo old to find true love.

Last week, I celebrated my 36th birthday. Maybe I should feel old. After all, my natural hair color isn't red anymore and the laugh lines around my eyes don't fade when I stop laughing and rollover doesn't refer to minutes on my phone. But instead, I feel as though I've just begun to live. Don't get me wrong, the 20's were cool - having babies is a blast. But in my thirties, I've found new acceptance with myself. I like the person I'm becoming, and enjoy my marriage.

There are nights when I lie awake and doubt myself. I wonder about my crazy decision to pursue a ministry degree this late in life and try to launch a new career. But most of the time, I am excited that I am comfortable in my own skin, laugh way too hard, and love way too big. I wish that I could pause the clock and spend a few extra minutes enjoying this phase of life.

I am excited to see what surprises, challenges, and blessings this year will hold. Happy Birthday to Me!

14 years of motherhood

James, my oldest, celebrated his 14th birthday today. He is a low key kind of guy. It's been years since his last party. I tried to convince him to invite his buddies over to hang out, or to go to a movie, but he answered, "UHUUNUH." I think in 14 year old grunting, this translates to, "No thanks, mom." When asked what he wanted for his birthday, he responded, "UHNU." I think in 14 year old male grunting, that translates to "I'm not sure what I want, mom."

Finally after much discussion (I used words, he grunted), we bought him a new video game, and added a phone to the family plan so he no longer has to share with his sister, since sharing isn't really how I would describe their phone arrangement. She typically keeps the phone and allows him to make calls while she stares at him and waits. James was thrilled to get his own phone.

We gave him the choice of anywhere he wanted to eat, and the boy chose CiCi's pizza. I am not a fan. James however loved the idea of unlimited pizza and soft drinks. We came back home to an amazing Reese's peanut butter cup cake that Shawn made from scratch. YUMMY!

As we ate cake, we shared our favorite James moments. There are so many - the little boy memories of mudpies, imaginary friends, and sweet kisses. There's also the memories of him finding himself as a teen. We have had a lot of laughs the last few years on our commute to school and back.

It all made me think about how blessed I am to celebrate 14 years of motherhood today. It's not always an easy road, parenting four children. However, I love this crazy life. As I sit on the couch tonight and watch them play rockband, I remember the overwhelming love that I felt as each of them was laid into my arms. The years have flown by and I no longer kiss scraped knees and sing lullabies at night. Instead I mentor them through life impacting decisions and try hard to be their biggest fan. I am looking forward to our future as a family and am incredibly thankful to have the opportunity to be a mom.

Second Best

Cold weather is finally creeping into Texas. The grass was wet with a light frost Saturday morning, and my breath froze in a delicate fog. The fire crackled comfortingly in the fireplace for the first time this weekend. As the cold weather hits, I am reminded to be grateful for God's provision for my family. Tonight as I snuggle under my well worn comforter, in my toasty warm house, I am well aware that I am privileged to enjoy such luxuries.

This morning the chilly air sent me searching for a coat to wear to church. I reached into my closet and pulled out a dark red wool coat. This coat has hung in my closet for the last 18 years. 18 years ago, it was a beauty. I bought it at Dillards, and wore it with pride for many years. Today it is down to a single button, the lining is tattered, and the pockets torn. Though no longer very fashionable, it works great at blocking a cold wind.

This summer I heard of a family who lost everything in a fire. As I collected clothes from my closet to share with the family, I reached for the red coat. I knew that it wasn't anything special, but it would work if you didn't have anything better. I took the coat from the hanger, only to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, "When are you going to stop giving me your second best?" I was not excited about this particular urging. Giving away things one no longer wants is painless. But the Bible teaches that God receives sacrificial worship. I placed the red wool coat back into my closet and pulled out my nice, black, favorite leather coat and added it to the pile.

I do not tell this story to receive glory for myself. I tell the story to illustrate that God wants our very best. In my case, he wanted me to be willing to "get by" with the red coat and give away my favorite coat to someone with great need who would probably have been thankful to just "get by". For me, this was a mile marker event in my Christian faith. I have since begun to realize that my idea of sacrifice for Christ is embarrassingly tiny compared to the type of giving spirit demonstrated in scripture.

This winter every time I wear my old red coat, I want God to remind me about how he sent his very best for me.... Jesus. I want to remember that God is never selfish, and definitely never gives me anything that is second rate. I want to learn what it really means to live as a child of God. What does it really look like to live as though everything I own is simply on loan from God? What does it look like to simply be the steward, not the owner, of all that I have?

I have so far to go in this area of giving God my best. I tend to give God my left overs. He gets whatever time is left over at the end of my day, whatever energy I have left, whatever ministry I can squeeze in around my own personal schedule. I say this not with guilt, but with excitement. I am excited about how God is going to work in my life in this area. I am excited to see how God might use me for the kingdom if I become a little less selfish and a little less attached to my stuff and a little more free about giving to others.

I am silly, giddily excited that I kept the red coat for myself. In hindsight, it seems that giving away my best gave me the best blessing. So this winter as I wear my ancient red coat, I am looking forward to seeing how God is going to change my heart!

I

Monday Morning Update(s) 11.7.10

Being a student again is definitely getting in the way of my blogging habit. I seem to have time fitting in writing "just for fun" when I have long papers and projects due. I miss my blog time, the opportunity to unwind and empty all the crazy thoughts from my head.

The last two weeks at The Crossroads have been really great. Last weekend we hosted our third annual trunk or treat. I was amazed by the turnout this year. We gave away two hundred hot dogs in the blink of an eye (graciously donated by our local Brookshire's). The employees of the bank where we held our event counted over 400 people that visited their booth. But most amazing was seeing people linger and visit with their neighbors. When we first came to Anna the number one need marked on our 1000 door to door surveys was the need for community. As we continually host community events and get outside our walls (because we don't have any), I see community growing. Our city and other churches are also seeking to meet this need, and I think that families connecting is going to have a great positive impact on the community.


Our entire family dressed up this year for Trunk or Treat. It's been a very long time since we were all in costume. The oldest kids used to be too cool to dress up, and when they were all little, I was too cool to dress up. Check out the photos of our family- unfortunately they are a little blurry from my phone.
James was werewolf, Katie a vampire, Grace a flapper, and Abby was Dorothy.




Our little Dorothy didn't make it all the way to her bed, collapsing in exhaustion in the middle of the living room floor.








Shawn and I dressed as Two-face and bat woman. It was a last minute switch. The flapper costume was originally mine, but was a little snug. I appreciated my friend loaning me her bat woman costume to help me out. We had a lot of fun seeing our students and friends at the Trunk or Treat. My students were giggling for days on end about me being Bat woman!




The last two Sundays at The Crossroads have been great. Shawn preached last Sunday about the monster within us all - our sin nature. Then this week we started a three week series from Dave Ramsey about conquering debt so that we can use our finances for kingdom purposes. We want our people to get serious about tackling their financial bondage to credit cards. I know that we have struggled with debt in the last few years, and just in the last two years have been able to pay it down. I just now as I am writing realized the strangest thing - we took a gigantic pay cut to become church planters, and at the same time have not only paid our bills and got groceries on the table, but we have nearly paid off our debt. How cool is that! God definitely honors obedience!

I would ask that you pray for The Crossroads. We have been through hard times lately, and want to continue to serve faithfully. Our people are hurting, pray that we can help them to find healing in Christ.

Morning Dawns

Saturday morning, I laced up the sneakers and slipped out the door for an early morning run. As the first pink fingers of light touched the clouds, Paul Baloche's, "Your Name," played on the ipod. The opening line of the song is, "As morning dawns and evening fades, you inspire songs of praise." It was such a fitting moment that I stopped still in my tracks in awe. I watched the pink spread all across the sky and the evening roll away. I saw in that moment a reminder of how God works in life.

We have recently experienced rough times in our family, as well as our church family. We have had friends lose a baby, have another church member's teen son diagnosed with cancer, others confronted with debilitating illnesses, financial distress, and failed marriages. It has been an extremely dark time in our life and in our church family's life. Not that we are distant from God's presence, but we have suffered great amounts of crisis and pain.

I was reminded Saturday morning that MORNING DAWNS and EVENING FADES. Light comes, and darkness dissipates. I cannot allow discouragement to hold onto our lives. We must all press forward in the firm expectation that morning is on its way.

I thought about the story in the Bible about how the women with the hemorrhage pushed through the crowd, desperate for an opportunity to touch Jesus' garment. She did not give up until she was successful. I felt a very real sense of urgency to be that woman. Pursue God's presence with desperation and urgency. Do not be dissuaded from seeking his presence!

As I watched that sunrise, frozen in time and space, I saw the beauty of the light against the darkness. Without darkness, there is no beauty of a sunrise. It is in that first glorious moment of the light breaking the darkness with stunningly gorgeous color that is most amazing. If life was eternally sunny, we would not have the opportunity to fully recognize the beauty of the light. I am not saying that God delights in sending us difficulty, but I am saying that as we experience the difficulty that is a part of the normal human existence, it affords us the opportunity to more fully appreciate the beauty of God's love, mercy, and peace.