Way back when I was in third grade, one day the playground was really wet. We all had to play on the asphalt basketball court instead of the playground equipment. You remember that kind of asphalt? Black, bumpy... definitely not smooth, grey concrete. Playing tag with Brian Wardlow....that kid was one of my great friends and worst enemies. Always pulling my hair and stuff but we were also buddies. I caught my toe on a bump in the asphalt and plowed it up with my elbow. Even that young, I was pretty clumsy! I keep thinking I will outgrow it! Good thing the hubby likes clumsy. (Thinks I'm cute)
So I was thinking about this today.... it took weeks for my elbow to heal up and it turned every shade of green, yellow, and purple you could imagine. I still have a scar if you look closely enough. Even after it healed up, I was still much more cautious about running on the asphalt. Almost never would agree to play tag unless we played in the grass. I had learned my lesson. A lesson of fear.
Over the years, I have learned many more lessons about fear. It seems to be one of the hardest emotions to unlearn as an adult. It is very challenging to live riskier and not let fear dictate decisions. In church planting, I am learning that the choice that invokes the most fear in me is the most likely to be the right decision. Because of my personality, I am most afraid of rejection and failure. Living life and making decisions about church without considering those emotions is challenging, but freeing.
Recently Shawn went for his quarterly review. The more experienced guys at the meeting are predicting some rapid growth in the near future for the Crossroads. Who knows if they are correct...that's all up to God. But while I am certainly filled with excitement and anticipation, I am also filled with fear - nervousness, really. I finally feel like I have a handle on this church plant thing and am comfortable. I am not sure why the thought of rapid growth makes me nervous....but it does. That's just my true confession tonight.
But I also know that God is really talking to me in my prayer times about pouring out His presence on Anna. I have such a strong feeling that big things are on the immediate horizon. I am filled with anticipation. I will not let nervousness keep me from being involved with whatever it is that God has planned. I just can't wait to see what's next.