Coming Home

Three years. Three long years of a house on the market. Three years of riding my kids and family to maintain perfection. Three years of commuting to work, staying in my classroom for long, late hours while we waited on the teens to finish their sports and other extracurricular activities. After 3 long years, the house finally sold. We moved two big Uhauls of junk, plus many assorted vans, trucks, and suburbans loaded to the brim. I am sure that has to be sin that I have so much junk!

God blessed us with an amazing home in Anna. Paying more than we had anticipated, when we went to finance the larger amount of money, the interest rates were at a historic low - so the payment is less each month. The floor plan is perfect for our family. The kitchen has many of the features Shawn wanted, the girls have walk-in closets, James gets a bedroom with a door AND a closet, and I get not one - but two - window seats.

While I expected to experience a relief of stress and a sense of rest when we moved, I was surprised by the overwhelming sense of coming home. I knew it would be a relief to be able to leave a pile of clean laundry on the couch, or a single dirty cup in the sink if the dishwasher happened to be full. But I did not fully realize the extent to which we have moved our lives to Anna in the last three years, so much so that finally living here provides a sense of belonging that I can only explain as "coming home". My children are already hanging out with friends, we are entertaining in our home, and enjoying shopping at the local grocery store.

I am looking forward to what feels like a new era in our ministry at The Crossroads. A great moment where God can use our home to further the ministry of The Crossroads. A moment in time where we can live among our people and see God at work in our city. Change is in the wind. I see big things ahead for The Crossroads. Get ready for the ride!

Anna here we come!

3 years ago, we began trying to sell our home in Sherman, Texas in order to move to Anna where we were going to plant a church. This week, we finally had an offer on our home. I am a nervous wreck about the 14 day option period where the buyers get an inspection and have the chance to back out. The great news is that they plan to pay cash in full, so we don't have to worry about their financing falling through. In faith, we have started packing in preparation to move to Anna.

Today Shawn and I picked out a house we liked in the Westfield neighborhood. It was ideal for our family, even to one of the kid's bedrooms having a very large closet for my little girls who share a room. We looked at several homes, but this was really the only one close to our price range that had the space we need to host journey groups and generally use our home for ministry. We submitted an offer today and are waiting to hear back from the seller. Our financing has been approved and so now we simply wait.

I cannot begin to say how excited I am about being close to work. I can't even fathom going home between work and James's football games. Feeding my kids supper in our own kitchen instead of sandwiches in my classroom on game night will be great! Having the opportunity to host a journey group in our home makes me giddy excited. Shawn and I are already discussing doing an intensive care marriage group in the fall. We are trying to decide whether to call it Firey Friday Nights or Smokin hot Saturdays. I love the idea of being able to finally have friends over for dinner, and being able to open my home up to my kids' friends! I am also anxious to be able to invite the other area ministers and wives into my home for coffee and prayer for our city.

But whether this all goes through this time or not, I have been greatly blessed in the last 24 hours just by the response from our people. Typically in a church, the honeymoon period lasts 18 months -2 years. After that, the congregation may still love you, but the excitement has dimmed. Instead, our people are more excited now than they were three years ago. Their overwhelming desire to have us in their neighborhoods has touched my heart. I am blessed that God placed us into a situation where we are greatly loved. While I am nervous and apprehensive about the sale of our home, and buying another, I am grateful today that we are blessed to serve in an awesome community with amazing people!

The Great Battle

Fear

blanket of darkness

engulfing

swallowing

smothering.

Hope

glimmering light

lifting

embracing

strengthening.

Fear

Loudly in my head

questioning

doubting

disbelieving.

Hope

Quietly whispering

believing

trusting

waiting.

An Unsold House

Our house has been on the market for nearly three years. We have remodeled and dropped the price repeatedly. My kids have had their stuff in boxes in the attic for so long we no longer remember what we even own. In spite of our best efforts, we are still in this same house. We have cycled through many seasons of discouragement and disappointment. Recently I have remembered 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Thankful, in all things. Well, hmmm....that's not always my strong point. Why could I be thankful that my house hasn't sold and we continue to live in Anna, but sleep in Sherman? Well, let's dig a little deeper -

1. 3 years of commuting helps me to understand clearly the issues our congregation of commuters is dealing with. The lack of time with the family, the strain on the marriage, the rush to get homework finished, the exhaustion that engulfs you. Living through this helps me to understand the pressure that our people are under and offer them understanding and love.

2. I have spent many hours trapped in the car with my children. These hours are usually spent laughing and talking. I would say that because of commuting my children are forced to spend a greater amount of time communicating with me, which has been critical in these early teen years.

3. Our people are learning to practice hospitality. This summer while we were displaced between Sunday morning and Sunday night services different families hosted us in their homes for lunch and let us hang out. Even now various families are making arrangements in their homes so that in the fall we can have a place to sleep after late night football games, or when we have a late counseling session, or if we need a place to hang out in the afternoon while the kids are at practices. As a result, we are getting to know and love these families on a whole new level. I am certain that God is going to pour out blessings on them. After all, hospitality is one of his primary gifts (I go to prepare a place for you....).

There are other positive things I can say about still living in our house - things like the band has a place to practice, we have room to entertain large crowds, we have room to have a long term guest, and a great place to go running.

I am desperate for my house to sell so that I can live locally in Anna. Commuting is tough, and I definitely dread it this fall. However, I want to focus on the good things that have come from this experience and be patient as I wait on God's timing for the sale.

Beautiful Worship

I am finally home after a week in Kansas City at the National Worship Leader Conference. At the last minute, we had an extra ticket that we couldn't get refunded that was going to be wasted, so my thirteen year old daughter agreed to attend with me. She primarily went out of concern for my safety. I have complex migraines, so she was worried that I might have problems while traveling alone.

Even though she attended out of concern, God simply poured out his blessing and presence in our lives last week. Some of you readers know the back story on Grace. This last fall she was struggling pretty hard with depression. Her mind was confused, her soul despaired, and she felt hopeless. When she reached the point that she felt life was unbearable, God showed her hope for her future.

The first night of worship at the concert, my daughter stood beside me in her well worn Mexico mission T-shirt while a bilingual group sang on stage. We worshiped through familiar songs in English, and then in Spanish. I watched her lift her hands in abandon as she sang along in English and broken Spanish. As I drank in the beautiful moment of worship, I was extremely grateful for second chances. I was glad that God had given my daughter hope, and that our week of worship began with a reminder of the country she loves. I guess I fully realized the greatness of God's work in her life this year. God took her confusion and replaced it with passion; he took her despair and replaced it with faith; and he took her hopelessness and replaced it with purpose.

As I looked back at what was probably one of the toughest years our family has faced, I see how God was faithful. He provided, he comforted, he healed, he redeemed, he forgave, he strengthened, he rescued, and he restored. I was reminded in that beautiful moment of worship of the stunning glory of our God, his character, and his love. He is good.

Don't Faint

Lately everywhere I turn, I see two verses. The first is Is. 40:31, "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." The second is Galatians 6:9, "And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

As a church planter, I am clinging tightly to both of these promises. When we launched, I had heard from other planters and read in books that the second and third years of church planting were especially challenging. The church grows to a point that everyone may not be closely connected with every other person, many people may realize that their vision of what the church might become does not match what the church actually is, and still others become impatient on waiting for the church to fully bloom and leave for greener pastures. I knew these things in the back of my mind, but seeing them come to fruition has been painful.

This summer we have lost many families. Some have felt God leading them to be a part of other ministries, some have left for greener pastures, some have been blessed with jobs in other states, and some have simply become relaxed about attending. As a church planter, your congregation is like family. Losing members feels a little like getting divorced. Over and over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for those who are pursuing God's call in their lives and who are experiencing God in other places of worship and who have been blessed with fresh starts. It is only in the darkest moments of the night that I indulge the pain and sorrow of lost relationships for just a little while.

When I am tempted to be discouraged, I review these 2 verses again. There are many times in church planting that it feels like running. We are moving forward quickly, nothing is standing in our way, and it is exciting. In these moments I remember that God promises that I can run and not grow weary. He will provide the energy that is necessary for the ministry. Then there are times when it feels that moving forward is like walking in molasses. Everywhere that I turn I encounter strife and difficulty. In those moments I remember that God has promised that I will have the ability to keep walking, even when I feel like fainting. Then I remember that God has promised that if I will not faint, and will continue in doing the good to which he has called me, that I will see blessings.

In these months of transition, I am reviewing the awesome things that have occurred at The Crossroads in the last 3 years. I can't count how many lives and marriages have been made new as a result of the hope found through Christ at The Crossroads. We have seen over 30 people accept Christ as their savior and follow up with baptism. We have been a part of starting other church plants. We are watching an incredible youth group bloom. We are blessed to enjoy incredible worship. We have an awesome pastor that speaks truth every week. We are meeting in an air-conditioned, large, clean facility. One that was unavailable for religious organizations just 2 years ago!

When I remember back to the first time a small group of people met in my living room to begin praying for Anna, and for the friends we were going to make in Anna, I am awed by what God has done. I know from visiting with many in the congregation in the last week, that many are struggling with hopelessness and discouragement. It seems that many are overwhelmed with finances, marriage problems, job issues, addiction, parenting struggles, and general apathy. I don't know exactly what is going on, and why so many are experiencing what seems to be extraordinary discouragement, but I will say that we can not lose faith. Look back and see God's hand. He has been at work for the last 3 years at The Crossroads. He will continue to be at work in our future. Let's keep walking and not grow faint. Let's run and not grow weary. Let's keeping doing what is right in our relationships with each other, even when it's not easy. Let's believe in our future and live in obedience to God's call.

All Yours - A Confession

Disclaimer: I was awake in the middle of the night, exhausted from a long week at camp, but unable to sleep. I have been earnestly praying for The Crossroads, specifically our season of transition with our worship pastor leaving and several families being transferred out of state or moving to other cities. While I was mid prayer, God smacked me in the face with some sin. I prayed through the sin, accepted forgiveness and thought we were done. As I stared at the ceiling watching the shadows dance in the moonlight, God gently nudged me with a reminder that sometimes sin needs to be confessed publicly. So this is my garbled, late night rambling confession.

I don't remember a time that I was not in love with music. One of my earliest memories is as a tiny child standing on my toy box with my cowboy boots and a cowboy hat singing original compositions at the top of my voice. I daydreamed of growing up to be Dolly Parton or Loretta Lynn. My parents took me to every gospel music show in town, and my mom and I were steady customers at the local Saturday night country music show. When I was about 7, my parents recognized within me some musical talent and allowed me to take piano lessons. I fell completely and totally in love. I worked hard to be excellent, practicing several hours a day as a teen.

I loved to perform on stage. I was in countless recitals and competitions. Somewhere I probably still have an old box of trophies. Every trophy was a symbol of acceptance, feeding my teen appetite for approval. I often had the opportunity to play in church, even as a kid. I thrived on the attention I received after playing well. My soul thrilled when I played an impossibly complicated offertory piece and got applauded when I finished. I was completely and totally consumed with using music for my own glory.

When I accepted Christ at 18, I came empty handed. I realized I had done many good deeds to receive the praise of others. I had nothing at all that had not been done out of selfish motivation. When I looked at my life, I picked out my favorite thing and offered it as a sacrifice. I distinctly remember praying soon after I became a believer, "God, my fingers are yours. I commit to play anytime and anywhere that you will give me an opportunity to be used for your glory." Compared to the great music talents in the world, I gave God loaves and fishes. However, over the years I have done my best to be faithful to my word and God has blessed me in ways I never imagined. On that day that I prayed, I never would have predicted how much God would use my tiny gift to teach me about Himself. I did not know the intimate connection that would happen as I worshiped alone at the piano, or the amazingly beautiful privilege that it would be to have a small part in leading others into God's presence.

Tonight as I was praying, God smacked me in the face with the sin of idolatry. There I was, laying in bed innocently praying for our church that is in a time of transition. As I prayed for the needs of our church, my prayer shifted inward. I asked God to show me anything in my heart that might be keeping me from releasing completely in worship or that might be hindering others around me from worshiping. This is not an easy prayer for me, because I like approval - not necessarily truth.

God showed me that in recent months I have allowed the fact that I am a part of a cool band playing cool songs in a cool church plant to supersede the notion of how privileged I am to worship the God of the universe! I have unknowingly been consumed with how awesome our band is rather than being humbly surrendered to God's plan. This morning we played "Here I am to Worship." This song was a mile marker event in my musical history. Years and years ago, God used this song to miraculously teach me how to play contemporary worship music. Tonight as I was sharing the story with some good friends, I said something along the lines of, "Every time I play that song it is a reminder that everything that I am able to do musically is a straight up gift from God." As I was praying that sentence replayed over and over in my head. I was confronted with the harsh reality that I have been trying to play in my own strength.

So I simply asked for God's forgiveness that I had somehow unknowingly shifted the spotlight off of Him and onto me. I spent some time recommitting that what small talent I have is totally and completely God's. It is for his glory, and his alone. I want to find pleasure in using it to point to God, not to make people think that I am cool, or that my band is cool, or that The Crossroad is cool. Instead I want my music to simply make people notice how cool God is.