Drowning

I am not a big proponent of dreams and visions. While I have heard of many examples of divinely inspired dreams, I tend to believe that most of my crazy dreams are just my brain dumping the day's garbage. However, last week, I had the strangest, weirdest, scariest dream that I've had in a long time. Whether it was a vision that God gave me to clearly illustrate an important truth he needed me to hear, or whether it was just a random weird dream that God used to help me see truth, I don't know. In either case, the truth that smacked me in the face is worth sharing.

I was beside a small lake with a large group of friends. We were having a party, enjoying the afternoon. A film crew was sitting up for a reality TV show nearby, and we were watching with excitement and anticipation. They were securing divers with underwater cameras and setting up for multiple angle shots.

Then the crew trailer opened, and people were led off in lines, tied together at the feet, and hands bound. The ages and races spanned across the spectrum. We cheered loudly in frenzied excitement as the festivities were about to begin.

Then the TV show began to throw the tied people into the lake, following them with cameras, broadcasting their death throes on a big screen to the crowd. People cheered as if we were watching a football game. As babies struggled and moms gagged, we laughed and slapped each other on the back.

I startled awake, shaken by the violence and the graphic nature of the dream. I stumbled into the bathroom for a drink, trying to dismiss the dream as just a freaky crazy dream. It was 3:36 when I laid back down in bed and heard God speak to my spirit.

"People around the world are drowning in desperation. They are drowning in sin, in poverty, in hunger, in slavery, in chaos, in war, in disease, in abuse. Most of the church is content to watch from a distance and enjoy their parties and their wealth. What about you?"

Whoa. That was tough. Wow. Ouch.

I walked away from that moment reminded that I am a missionary. Right here, right now. I can use today to speak truth over friends, minister to those in pain, and love the unloved. Today is my opportunity to make a difference. Making a difference may require sacrifice of comfort, wealth, and time on my part. Ministry matters.

I am burdened for and praying about the American Church. I am asking God to consume us all with passion for the "least of these" and create in us a desire and an ability and a knowledge of how to make a difference. And that we would act. Now. While the time is here.

I know this one is heavy, I know that tonight I'm supposed to do a Monday Morning update. But this is the blog that I have been greatly burdened to share, if nothing else just to remind myself that the world's needs are much bigger and much more important than all the stuff I try to accumulate. Watch for the Monday Morning Update soon. I have school tomorrow, so maybe on Tuesday.

Walk on Water

A migraine snuck up and slammed me in the head this morning. I woke up at 4:43 with a tightness in my scalp that signals a bad one is coming. I was too sleepy to get up out of bed and go take anything right that second, and I lived to regret it. By 8:00 I was miserable, by 9:00 it was unbearable, and by 10:00 I was confused and disoriented. Yes, I know it is past time to go back to the doctor. I just hate that place, but I now need something better than the over the counter medicine he recommended a few years ago.

I bumped into my masseuse at a house warming party for a friend. She worked on my pressure points for about 15 minutes, bringing a small measure of relief. I was able to remember how to find my way home and think coherently for the most part, in spite of the excruciating pain.

When I got home, I was desperate for relief. I decided to try running. Endorphins, right? Well, running with a migraine is more painful than childbirth - I've done that 4 times, I should know. The jostling makes the pain worse, to the point where all I could do was count my breaths in and out and try not to vomit from the pain. In my haste to run, I set my ipod to shuffle random songs, hoping that the music would be soothing. Sometimes that helps. Instead it was a hard pumping Audio Adrenaline song.

I have not listened to Audio Adrenaline in many, many years, and their songs are not in any of my favorite playlists on the ipod. However, a random shuffle pulls up anything in the entire library of music, and "Walk on Water" came on. At .5 miles, I realized I had been listening to the same song the entire time. See what I mean, my processing is greatly impaired when I have a migraine - It takes me about 7 minutes to go .5 miles.

I'm not sure how it got stuck on the loop track, but to change the setting after I've turned on my GPS function on my phone will erase my running data that I am charting online. So I just kept listening. Somewhere around the first mile, God reminded me of our call into church planting, "Get out of the boat, get ready for the call, I'm going to show you how to walk on water." I thought about how many times this last 18 months God had done exactly that. He has used us in ways we never, ever dreamed that he would. But the strange thing was the thought that chased after those remembrances. It was God, I think. "I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."

What the heck? What have we been doing? What are You fixing to do, God? I'm afraid. I'm already in way over my head. I already feel like I'm drowning so many days as we try to figure out this living missionally thing.

God's response, "I said, I'm ready to start teaching you how to walk on the water."

Okay. To quote my favorite pastor, I guess wet underwear is better than splinters in my butt from the safe boat. My answer in advance is yes. Let's go. But You have to help me to be obedient even when I'm afraid of the unknown.

After running nearly 2 miles, I returned to the house for an hour of brutal weight lifting. By the end of some long stretches afterwards, my headache is significantly better. It's not completely gone, but I should be able to function. Now my mind is just racing around that voice I heard, wondering what it all means. Or maybe it was just a crazy thought in my head, brought on by the meds and the pain.

A very late Monday Morning Update

I have used being out of town as an excuse for avoiding this week's Monday morning update, but truthfully I have had horrific writer's block. It is hard to know what to say about this week at The Crossroads, because I was the speaker. It is a role that I'm very comfortable with, but rarely do. However, God has spoken to me strongly in recent months about why missions is important and about trying to share that with others. So Shawn gave me some air time Sunday to share just a little bit about what God's been showing me.

It is impossible to fit 6 months into 20 minutes, but basically I shared Is. 58 and Mt.25 as guidelines for mission work. I have come to understand that serving others is worship, that serving others is serving God .... ministering to Him, and that serving others is loving God. I always believed in missions for the sake of evangelism - which is critically important, but I did not understand until recently that serving others is exactly the same as loving God. That puts a whole new spin on doing good.

I talked some about our Mexico mission trip to an orphanage at Christmas. I was amazed that within 48 hours all 200 of our orphans that we wanted to provide Christmas for had been sponsored. I have heard from people all week seeking to apply Is. 58 and Mt. 25 to their lives - whether that looks like ministering to family members in need, or researching ways to provide clean water to 3rd world countries, or buying items for those in dire need. I was overwhelmed and very humbled that people sincerely took what I said literally and began looking for ways to immediately build service into their lives. I frankly did not expect immediate results. I expected this to just be the beginning. The very tip of a huge iceberg that would take months for people to grasp. I was actually slightly disappointed in my presentation of what I had to say. It had sounded so much more polished and less random in my head, but I am continuing to pray that God will take my scattered thoughts and help people to understand His heart.

Then there's all the usual stuff to say - music was incredible, I loved hanging out with old and new friends, and Shawn did a beautiful job with the communion at the end of the service.

Smatterings

If you don't know what a smattering is, it is wide-spread, scattered stuff. It's when your thoughts are all over the place - short of like shooting a shotgun instead of a rifle. Some nights when I sit down to blog, I am shooting a rifle. I have a very distinct goal, thought, or purpose. Other nights, it's a shotgun - I'm firing off lots of stuff all at once. Random thoughts - A smattering. Try to keep up with my randomness. It may take some effort.

Today at school we had a Veteran's Day program. (A day early, yes I know) The program was great. What struck me as I stood there listening to the veterans speak and hearing the children sing, was the sacrifices of women that I know. I have a student whose dad has been overseas in hot zones most of my student's childhood. I have another teacher friend whose husband has been stationed overseas most of their marriage. I saw faces of several other students whose moms are single, not by choice and not by divorce, but because their husbands are fighting in a conflict that began before my first graders were born. I was overwhelmed with emotion by the sacrifices these families make for their country. Whether you agree or disagree with the conflict, you have to admire these women who are doing an amazing job holding things together all alone. I was thankful today to call some of these women my friends. I count it as a great privilege to be involved in their children's lives.

Then tonight was small group. I am going to confess that tonight I was tired, and my house was dirty. I was not terribly excited about it being Tuesday night. Then it turned out to be a beautiful night with people who are not friends, but have become family. I love discussing God's Word with them and listening to their input and thoughts. As I listened to their burdens before we prayed, I realized that it is indeed a beautiful thing to get to carry their needs before our God. I love that while we do not pretend to have it altogether, we are still quick to point out where God is working in our lives. I also appreciated that as I shared some of my vision and heart for what's next for me as far as missions and ministry and asked for prayer, nobody laughed at my giddy excitement. They asked questions and wanted to find out how to become involved with me. They were excited and affirmed my thoughts and vision.

Tonight at small group, we found out that on our Mexico mission trip in December we will be ministering in an orphanage to 150 children. That means we need to provide Christmas gifts for 150 children. That's a lot for a church our size. We expect to have complete details within the next week about ages and sizes. Please pray about how God can use you to provide Christmas for these needy children. I love our church, that we continually seek to reach out to others. Service is worship. Loving the needy is worship. Ministering to orphans is worship. This is how we love God. Loving the least of these. (Matt. 25)

Mexico Mission Trip

This will be really long - I want to cover the trip thoroughly to have a complete record of the event. Feel free to skim if you are not terribly interested in the details.

For several years, we have traveled to Juarez to give away blankets at Christmas time. Because of border violence, our Juarez contacts discouraged us from coming there. So instead we stepped out on faith, made some new contacts and planned a trip to Matamoras - a border town south of Brownsville.

The adventure began Wednesday morning - early. We left from my house before daylight. Everybody threw their stuff into a trailer that was already loaded with nearly 700 blankets, tons of stuffed animals, and other miscellaneous items that God provided for the trip. About a mile from the house, Shawn flipped on the light in the van and began writing on his markerboard. (Because he has a cyst on his vocal chords and can't speak). He wrote, "Did anybody lock the trailer?" We stopped and checked and realized not only was the trailer not locked, it was not even closed. So we turned around and trekked back to the house, picking up the few items that had fallen out along the way.

We headed back out again and made the trip to Anna to pick up two more people, bringing the total number of travelers up to 11. Roadtripping with friends is always one of my favorite activities and this trip was no exception. We had a blast. I laughed hard and long. (However, it seemed that people were laughing more at me than with me.)

Van dogs were a disaster. We stopped at my brother's store in Saledo to tie the dogs on under the van to heat up. It was interesting to watch Robby and Shawn crawling around trying to find a good place to tie on the hot dogs. My brother laughed and laughed about the two rednecks. (He's one to talk) Unfortunately, the hot dogs fell off during the drive, and when we stopped to eat, we had none. Instead we ate Subway.

We arrived at the dorm in Brownsville only to find out that all the blankets that we had carefully packed in boxes would have to be taken out of the boxes and repacked in the trailer. We spent the evening unloading and reloading the trailer, preparing to cross the border the next morning. I was so impressed by the attitudes of the people I was working with. It was late. We had traveled many long hours. We were exhausted. But I heard no complaints. Everyone pitched in and worked hard to get the job done. This great attitude was characteristic throughout the entire trip. Attitudes make such a difference on mission trips. Being with so many positive people made the trip a pleasure.

The next morning we headed over with the trailer but were turned back at the border. So then we packed blankets in the van - under the seats - in every crevice and even in the seats so that we sat cross-legged on top of them as we crossed the border. We were blessed both days with green lights - which means that we were not stopped and inspected.

The missions pastor, Dwayne Spearman, from FBC Brownsville took us not to Matamoras but instead changed our plans and took us to a coastal fishing village - Las Higuerillas. That was the best decision on the trip! We rode about 60 kilometers down a bumpy, pot-holed highway to the village. As we approached our destination, the sea crept up close to the road on both sides. It was such an incredibly beautiful scene to see the ocean and the sand dunes. However, the poverty in the village was overwhelming. The homes were tiny, simple shacks thrown together with old lumber and driftwood. Some homes were not even entirely closed in on all four sides.

We stopped at the local mission and meet Pastor Keen and his beautiful wife Juana. Pastor Keen has been in the village for many years, coming originally from North Carolina. He is an elderly gentleman in failing health, with a very thick southern accent. At times I was not sure who was harder to understand, Pastor Keen with his thick southern accent or Juana speaking spanish. He was quite the interesting character - I'll have to save my Pastor Keen stories for another time.

At the mission, they have begun construction on dorms in hopes that mission teams will begin coming and staying on the peninsula to do mission work. There is no electricity in the village, but Pastor Keen has a generator for the mission. There is also no running water, but the outhouses at the mission were pretty nice as far as outhouses go. It was a new experience for some on the team.

We also met another missionary, a young man named Aaron. He was staying in the village with his fiance's family for a few weeks. He dedicated both days to helping us with our mission work and translating for us.

We handed out blankets and gospels of John in the village on the first day. One gentleman accepted Christ, and we made lots of positive contacts. Hopefully soon many of these people will visit the village mission. We quickly ran out of blankets and returned to the mission to eat a fresh seafood dinner prepared by Juana. Then we went down to the beach for awhile.

The next day we returned to the same village, but also had the opportunity to take a fishing boat over to one of the islands where there has been little mission work. When we arrived at the island, we realized that all of our translators were still back at the dock waiting for the second boat ride - about 45 minutes behind us. Shawn decided to take a brief reprieve from his silence in order to translate for us, and I'm pretty sure he did some unnecessary talking just out of relief to be able to speak. I was invited to stay on the island by a man who apparently was fascinated by my red hair.

That evening Aaron's future mother-in-law fed our team supper in her home. We all crowded into a tiny room probably about the size of my dining room - squashed on top of each other - and enjoyed a wonderful meal of fish, spaghetti, and oysters. This family had to borrow a generator so they would have electricity for us. I was moved by their generosity and hospitality. They gave up an entire day to prepare a meal and sacrificed to create comfortable accommodations for us.

On our way out, Dwayne stopped by the town square in Matamoras for us to see the Christmas decorations. The white lights were so beautiful, almost magical. Then we spent a couple of hours waiting in line to get back into the states.

We roadtripped back home and the great adventure was over. Before, I have been ready to get back home, but this trip was different for me. I could have stayed. I regretted having to leave before we formed strong relationships and before we were really able to deeply minister to the population there in Las Higuerillas.

I think I've done a pretty good job of recounting the events of the trip - minus a few funny stories due to time - but I just don't seem to be able to capture the overwhelming emotion that accompanied the event. It was not pity for the people's poverty that consumed me, but I was overwhelmed by the great need and hunger for the gospel. Many times as we handed out the gospel, the people stopped what they were doing to read. I realized that for many of them it was probably their very first time to own a part of the Bible. For many of them, they were reading the gospel of John for the very first time.

Every year I realize more deeply God's call to go to the nations. If we do not go, how will they hear? There are still languages that God created that have never been used to worship Him. Nations where there is no one who knows Jesus Christ. Who will go?

I'll have to take time some other day to share all the funny events - my friend Joel summed them up well as lessons we all learned- "Melody needs to perfect her spanish, Rachel needs to learn sign language, LaRissa discovered that in Mexico redheads have more fun, and Liz found out that next time she needs to dye her hair red."

To my friends from the trip who are reading - it was a memory of a lifetime - going to Las Higuerillas with all of you. I enjoyed every single moment! Even the ones where you were all laughing at me! I love you all. Thanks for being part of my family.

God was showing off when he made Africa!

Dirt. Primitive conditions. Desperate circumstances. Late nights. Early mornings. Elephants, rhinos, and giraffes. Hundreds of people choosing to follow Christ. Africa.

Tonight my good friend came over to the house and shared the story of his summer in Africa as a missionary. He and several other teens rode dirt bikes around Zambia this summer, ministering to children, primarily orphans. His pictures are stunning. I had heard that Africa is stunningly beautiful but never fully realized it until tonight. When God created Africa, maybe he was showing off. :) The circumstances of the children in the photos was such a stark contrast to the beauty of the continent. AIDS has robbed so many of these children of their family, their home, and their income. Because we do not see it every day, I think we are ignorant of their great need. I am so busy with my own stuff that I forget about the big picture. The world.

God has a heart for the nations. For children. For people. How can God use me to reach the world? In advance, whatever he wants, wherever he says to go, the answer is yes!