Grace

It has become a tradition that I blog about my children on their birthday. Continuing in that tradition, today my daughter Grace turned 12. She called me before 7 this morning, getting on the van in Brownsville, Texas, to go into Mexico on a mission trip. She was giddy with excitement, and having the time of her life. Before she hung up the phone, I heard her talking with the other women in the dorm. She is loving every moment of this journey! I am excited that God has given her such a heart for others, and a desire to minister, even to sacrifice her own comfort on her birthday.

When I see who she is becoming, I am overwhelmed at how God has worked in her life, and in our family's life. Grace was my most challenging child as a little girl. Even as a tiny child, she had her own ideas about life and was extremely difficult to parent. Born with a strong lion, type A personality, she tended to bully her brother and sister into submission. It was a long journey to teach her how to treat them with honor and respect. She used to make this funny little face right before she decked her brother with her fist. I got to where I would watch for the face, and start yelling "No", before she ever did anything wrong to try to head off disaster.

At the same time, Grace was unbelievably insecure. She was born with a deep need for love that was almost impossible to fill. In kindergarten, she threw up every single day at lunch because the loud lunch room made her nervous. At recess, she stood in the middle of the playground and cried. My teacher friends worked hard with her, allowing her to stay inside as a "helper" and finding teenagers willing to come befriend her at recess - boosting her coolness factor with her peers. I owe them a debt that I cannot ever repay, because they dug in deep as a favor to me, and found ways to make Grace feel beautiful, valuable, and important. They went far beyond the call of duty to love my daughter. Our church family, many of them now at The Crossroads, also loved Grace abundantly and unconditionally. At times in her life when she would not accept my love and rejected me daily, they did their best to love her in ways that she understood. They prayed with me, on a daily basis. I could not have parented her without their love and support. It wasn't easy.

I probably have more regrets in parenting Grace than I do with any of my other children. I often lost control of my hot temper as we butted heads. I have said many atrocious and cruel things in an effort to gain control of spiraling situations that I would love to take back. I wish that I could turn back time and parent her again, knowing what I know now about her personality type. However, it is impossible to undo my past mistakes. But somehow in the midst of all my horrible mistakes, Grace still felt the undercurrent of my deep and passionate love.

When we jumped off into church planting, I was most concerned for Grace. Changing schools had the potential to undo all of the years of hard work that we had put into her life at Pottsboro. I spent days and nights on my knees begging God for wisdom. God is good beyond my wildest dreams. Instead of damaging her and setting her back, church planting caused Grace to bloom.

In church planting, Grace was needed. Her natural leadership qualities, her inability to quit, and her administrative ability were desperately needed in the early days of the church plant when we were short handed on volunteers. Now she has assumed primary set up of our children's department and takes care of our nursery every week. She delights in meeting new people, and she makes their children feel special and valued. She brainstorms ideas with us at the table about ways to do outreach in the community, and pitches in to help.

Being in the church plant has helped her to see mission work first hand. She feels called into full time mission work someday. I know that she is young, and it may be that God changes that call along the way, but I have also seen her work tirelessly by my side in ministry. Long after all the other adults have given up and gone to bed. She feels passionate about helping the underprivileged. It is cool to see her strong fighting spirit channeled into a constructive path. That same fighting spirit that kept me from leaving her alone in a room with her little sister as a toddler is now rising up to fight against injustice. She wants to make a difference in the world for kids affected by slavery, poverty, and abuse.

When I see the woman she is becoming, I stand in awe of my God. I could never have made Grace into this incredible girl. In my own strength, I often tried to change her personality and crush her passions in an attempt to obtain good behavior. Every time that I watch her scoop up a small child, or she begs for Bibles to give to her friends, or she asks for a camera to document the God moments on a mission trip, I am amazed. God is able to do such big things in people's lives, sometimes in spite of us.

Don't misunderstand me here - we still have difficult days, and even difficult seasons. However with Grace, I see light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the woman God intends for her to be. Now instead of trying to change her personality, I talk to her openly about her strengths and weaknesses and try to give her tools to use when she is angry. Her anger when channeled against injustice will change the world. I have no doubt. However, as she grows and becomes more and more amazing, I also see her struggling against spiritual attack. This year we had some tough moments. Moments where Satan won some battles and all I could do was hold her, pray over her, and cry along with her.

Bottom Line? I am grateful every single day that God let me be Grace's mom. I am excited about how he plans to use her for the kingdom. It is amazing to watch God work in her life. As I sit here weeping, there is only one thing left to say, "Happy birthday, my beautiful Grace!"

Be a Missionary day 2

This morning our Mexico Mission team is crossing the border and headed several hours deep into the interior to Tula. They are hoping to arrive in Tula early enough to spend time ministering in a local prison. I have heard that this is a phenomenal opportunity, and I am very excited for them.

The question remains, for those of us who stayed home, how can we be on mission today? Who is God going to give you the opportunity to love today? How can he use your life? Maybe it's just chilling at home with your family. God is exceptionally glorified when we love our families with His love! We have to be alert to see what God is doing in our life today.

Here's the day 2 Bible study that our mission team is reading this morning. Pray along with them, that God will go before them, and that God will go before you. (my apologies again about the font - still doing weird stuff)

Day 2

Today is a big day. You are leaving the United States, heading across the border, deep into Mexico. Tonight you will sleep in Tula! Some of you are anxious about a first time border crossing, while others are feeling the excitement that comes with entering a country that you have grown to love.

In ancient times, Joshua led a large group of people into a new land across a raging river. God parted the waters for them to cross, going before them on their journey. They took time to stop, notice, and remember what God had done.

Joshua 4:4-7, “So Joshua called together the twelve men and told them, ‘Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulders - twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes. We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future, your children will ask, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a permanent memorial among the people of Israel.’”

Today God is going before you into Mexico. Watch to see Him at work, each day on your journey. Be like Joshua’s people - stop, make note, and remember what God does on your behalf. It is always amazing to watch God’s footsteps on mission trips.

Be a Missionary

For years, I have enjoyed mission trips to Mexico. I love going into a different culture, making new friends, and making a difference in people's lives. But my favorite part of the trip is always seeing how God works. He always goes ahead of the team, doing big and miraculous things. It is an incredible time of seeing God use my limited abilities for his glory, and also a time of recharging spiritually.

This year, for many reasons, I am not in Mexico with all my friends. My husband, and 12 year old daughter, Grace, are traveling without me. I am excited for them. I know that this will be an amazing experience that the two of them will share memories together for the rest of their lives. But being human, I was a little sad to see them leave this morning without me. I hate to miss out on anything!

However, a few minutes ago, God reminded me that being a missionary has nothing to do with being in a foreign country. We are all missionaries, every day, wherever we happen to go. God is at work around us just as much as he is at work around the Mexico mission team, if we only take time to see what he's doing. God is using us all, no matter where our lives take us, for his kingdom plans.

On this note, I decided to publish the study that I wrote for the Mexico mission trip. Maybe we are not all in Mexico, but we are all on mission. Parts of this are very specific to the Mexico situation, but parts of it can apply to us all this week. It occurred to me that God might do some amazing things indeed if we all are on one page, in one mind, with one heart, seeking to be used completely for God's kingdom this week. Even if this Bible study does not meet you where you are, at least read through it and pray for the mission team that is using it this week. (sorry, the font is doing weird things coming in from Word)

Love you all,
LaRissa

Day 1

This morning began early - more like in the middle of the night for many of you. You are meeting new people, establishing new relationships, and sharing your excitement and heart for mission work. You are excited, maybe even a little nervous about the upcoming week. There are many emotions running through your mind as you are seeking to discover your role on this particular trip. God is clear that he designed each of us to perfectly complement the other believers around us so that God’s kingdom purposes are best accomplished.

Ephesians 4:15-16, “Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Under his direction, the whole body is fitted together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”

On this trip, God has a purpose for you. The people who are with you are the people intended to be with you on the adventure. Each of you is necessary to accomplish God’s plan. Every single person is of great value and importance for this mission. Begin now to get to know the people around you, and begin to pray for them and for your time together. Ask God to use you and your friends (old and new) beyond your biggest expectations.

Monday Morning Update 7.5.10

I loved the lesson in kid's cove this week. It was a reminder that all of your worries and all of your fears belong in God's hands. Moses was rightfully afraid to face down Pharaoh, but God told him to be courageous and promised his presence. In surrendering his fear to God, and giving his entire life to God, Moses was able to do unbelievably more than he ever imagined.

I haven't heard anything about grown up church other than some snickers and giggles. Apparently Shawn preached the sex sermon. LOL! Hopefully it was a super service and couples left with some practical tips they could apply in their marriages.

After church is when the magic began. One of our friends in Anna opened up her home for the fourth of July. I think she ended up with over 50 Crossroadies and their extended families showing up for lunch. I had a blast. It was so good to have time to sit down, dig in deep, and visit with these people that I serve and love. I also enjoyed meeting some members' families that don't attend church with them. There was great food, loud laughter, and wild craziness. While at the same time the love in the room was almost tangible. These are all traits of a great Crossroads' party.

After lunch, we went back home for a while so I could crash. After a nearly 4 hour nap, I felt much better about life, and ready for the next round of parties. In Shawn loving me by letting me sleep so long, we were running a little late for the party at the fireworks show. It was the coolest thing to pull into the parking lot only to be met by a church member who said, "We saved you a spot." It made me feel wanted and important. We pulled the car into the empty spot, and set up our chairs. Then I glanced to my right and to my left. Almost as far as I could see in both directions there were Crossroads families in their lawnchairs, in the backs of their pick-up trucks, and in the backs of their suburbans. As I walked the parking lot visiting and laughing with these families, I was overwhelmed with joy. A year ago, I knew almost none of them. Most of these families have at least one family member that's accepted Christ this year. Many of them are people who have walked through hard times and tough places this year. It was a moment of thankfulness as I looked at all of the couples who are still married. At all of the people who have accepted Christ. At all of the people who have found forgiveness for and recovery from addictions. It was a moment of thankfulness as God showed me that my life has purpose, and He is moving in ways that I cannot begin to fathom.

After the fireworks, several of the families headed up to Braums for some ice cream. As we completely took over the restaurant with our loud selves, our rowdy kids, and our laughter, I had a moment outside of time. I was transported back to that first Sunday. The day that we opened our doors for the very first time, and nobody from Anna came. Coming back to the present and looking around me at these people that I have come to know and love as part of my family, I was absolutely in awe of what God has done at The Crossroads. I cannot express the depth of my amazement, or the heights of my excitement as I contemplate where God is going to take us next! What an incredible journey!

I would appreciate your prayers this week. I am speaking at The Crossroads next week while Shawn and Grace will be in Mexico on a mission trip. I am going to do "What a girl wants", the flip side of Shawn's "How to make your husband happy" sermon. I need great wisdom on this. I am wired up a little differently than many women, and am having to think pretty hard on this topic. I am also a little nervous about getting children's stuff set up next week with Grace out of town. She handles all the nursery stuff. So I'm praying for a hoard of volunteers so we can get it done quickly next week.

18 years

I hated him, except for when I loved him. We fought like cats and dogs. I was fire, and he was ice. I have often heard that hate and love are two sides of the same coin. I would have to agree. My brother, Jon, and I completely defined sibling rivalry as small children.

As time passed, I became less annoying and the relationship transformed into an incredible friendship. Most people search a lifetime for the friendship and the unconditional love and acceptance that I had for 17 years of my life. Today marks the 18th anniversary of the worst day of my life. July 2, 1992. My brother, my best friend, drowned off the coast of Venezuela. I have blogged this horrible, tragic story in the past if you are curious about the details and want to search the archives.

Today, the pain has been raw and riding just below the surface. It's a funny thing about old grief. Sometimes you forget it, and sometimes it just reaches up and slams right into you. Many years the anniversary passes with just a twinge of pain, but this year it's been tough. I guess I'm at a season in life where time is passing quickly, and I deeply miss my brother. I regret that he is not available to answer the phone when I need advice with my teenage kids, or to sit in the other end of my boat on fishing trips to keep me company or to encourage me to reach for the stars.

Tonight, rather than wallow in grief, I want to turn the tide. I want to celebrate an amazing man. A man that completely changed my life. A man that gave me the courage to become the woman that I am. Tonight I want to relive the good times. This may get long. Please don't feel obligated to read the entire piece. This is for my healing. For my pain.

One of my favorite games when we were little was a cheap way to entertain a lot of rambunctious kids. We would all line up on opposite sides of the basement with a stack of paper wads created from old newspapers and magazines. We chunked the paper wads at each other, scrambling to the middle to grab another stack. The winner was the first team to collect all the paper wads. I don't remember exactly how this was a competitive game. I just remember laughing and giggling and running and laughing some more. Tackling my brothers, and running for my life.

As a teen, Jon enjoyed playing ping pong. My oldest brother, Jeff, was already away at college, leaving Jon without a playing partner. He must have been desperate. I was too little to reach around, up, and over the table. He sat up a chair at the end of the table, had me hold my paddle real still, and then he tried to bounce the ball off my paddle. Gradually it progressed to me gently hitting the ball back, and eventually I grew enough to reach around the table and play him hard. Those late nights of sweaty ping pong, running into the table, laughing and yelling....those were great nights. I lost more often than I won, but the times that I won, I celebrated big! The same story exists around chess. Lacking a partner, he taught his 8 year old sister to play - and win.

As a preteen, I struggled. All preteen girls go through a period of awkwardness, but mine was worse than usual. I still don't know exactly why, but during this rough time in my adolescence, when I doubted my value to my very core, Jon made an extra effort to include me in stuff with his friends. What group of teen boys wants a little sister tagging along, right? But the boys were great sports - whether he dragged me along on a bowling trip, hunting expedition, or fishing trip.

Fishing was one of the best things we all did. Jon, sometimes a friend or two, dad, and me - Jeff too when he was home from school. It ranged from fishing in our small boat in nearby lakes and ponds to the best - creek fishing. I loved those days - waking up by 4:00 so that we could drive up into the hills to find the best water. We would walk upstream, fishing as we went, then at midday, go back down the stream. The guys were hardcore fishermen, but I meandered along through the cool water, looking at the world around me, learning to appreciate the beauty of leaves falling, the intricacies of spider webs, and the amazing blue sky reflecting in the water. I fished enough that I was a part of the adventure, but not so much that I had to haul a lot of fish on my belt.

Jon was a physicist. That sure came in handy for me doing science fair projects. Some years I never even understood exactly what we were building, but it was fun. One year, I recreated an old liquid battery used in the early telegraph days. That year I spent lots of nights in "the dungeon", Jon's lab he used in the physics department at the college he was attending. As I was running the tests on the experiment, there were hours of lag time waiting on the results. We sat for many nights that year, cross legged on the lab table, discussing all the great quandaries of life - like his theories on global warming, the girl he was falling in love with, problems with his friends, our parents' disintegrating marriage, my boyfriend issues, and where we wanted to go in life.

Memories are flooding back tonight...him calling up just to see if I wanted to ride with him to Wal-mart, renting a movie and hanging out on the couch, calling to check to make sure I had a ride to piano or painting lessons, or the two of us sitting on the piano bench, just to sing together. After his marriage, he included me in family dinners, let me babysit their beautiful baby girl, and made me feel that his family was my family. The last time I saw him was at an early fourth of July celebration right before he left for Venezuela. I told him about the new guy I was dating, and set up a date for the two of them to meet when he got back into town. But unfortunately, Shawn never met my brother.

There are way too many amazing moments to exhaustively cover them here, tonight. Bottom line: I loved being wanted and included. I will miss him until the end of time, but I am grateful beyond measure that God allowed me to have such an incredible and amazing relationship. A fabulous best friend, even if it was only for 17 years of my life. Those 17 years had a large part in creating the woman that I've become.

R.I.P. Jon

Thanks for everything.

The Cussing Class

Years ago, the first time I heard a student use a cuss word, I immediately freaked out and sent him to the principal. Now I rarely even flinch. Unfortunately with the uncensored viewing habits of small children, many of my first graders can, and do, use very inappropriate language at times. I was thinking about a couple of recent instances that I thought I might share, and then share a lesson behind them.

This past spring, during the moment of silence, a little boy would not stop talking. It was annoying his neighbor, who leaned in to whisper to him to be quiet. I appreciated the intervention, as I was tied up with another student in mid crisis. I could not hear the exact words that were used, but assumed they were well meant. In an instant, the talkative little boy's hand shot into the air. I said, "Yes, sir?" He said, "Mrs. Kemp, he just said 'shut up mother f***er.'" To which I replied, "Get in the hall, right now." As I was dealing with the incident, the talkative little boy said, "Mrs. Kemp, I knew you'd want to know right away because shut up is a REALLY bad word."

I had to not laugh until both boys were back in the classroom, and I had closed the door to be alone in the hall.

A very similar instance occurred yesterday. One of my ESL little girls was sitting at the reading table with several other students. She is struggling with English, so I had a hard time getting the whole story. Apparently some guy came to visit their house and was quite rude. She said, "Mrs. Kemp, my mom say I ask you bout mean boy. He point this finger at mom (middle one) and say 'stupid f***ing bitch'" My mom not know what that is and say ask you, but I tell her not nice, stupid very bad word."

These are just a couple of many, many times I have heard children concerned about words like "stupid, shut up, fart, butt, and crap" more than genuinely horrible cuss words. I was thinking about this today and saw a lesson there for me. I often get caught up in trying to fix small, inconsequential things (like shut up and stupid), when there are really big things in my life that need to be changed.

We often emphasize our small flaws so that attention isn't drawn to the real stuff that we need to deal with. We point the finger at other people's small annoying behaviors, when huge darkness is in our own heart. I hope the next time I try to point out somebody else's sin, or even sugar coat my own sin, that God reminds that it's like I'm freaking out about saying "shut up" when the big bad stuff is in my heart.

New Beginnings

Today dawned like most. I hit snooze a couple of times before dragging my butt out of bed. 4:15 is just way too early for me! I decided to skip P90X in favor of a good, long run. I sprinted out the door in my white t-shirt and gray shorts. I made great time for the first half mile. The rain fell gently at first, then turned into a downpour. I was glad it was dark so that my now drenched white t-shirt did not draw attention from passing motorists on their way to work.

As my run progressed into the second mile, my pace slowed against my will. I tried to speed up. Then my feet were walking. No matter what I tried, I could not make them run. By the time I could get home, I was stumbling. I was confused by the weakness in my legs, but dismissed it to working out too hard.

I made it to the shower, having to pause from dizziness. Shaking with chills, I wobbled into the shower. As the hot spray rolled over my chilled body, I opened my eyes, only to discover a large hairy spider by my feet. There's just something about being naked in a confined space with a big spider! I went all ninja on it with my super sized shampoo bottle. Creeped out, I hurried through my shower and headed back to my room to get ready.

That's when it hit. I made it to my bathroom before the nausea overtook my body. Then it all made sense to me why the run was so tough. My body was sick, I just didn't know it yet.

This is a long explanation of why I was laying flat on my back today with nothing to do but think. As I moved from couch to big chair and back today, feeling atrocious, I had the opportunity to take a really good look at my house. On the market less than a week, we came closer to terms with a buyer today. They have not decided for sure yet, but it made the sale of our home much more of a reality to me.

Living here now for over four years, this house holds a lot of incredible memories. Since our marriage, Shawn and I have moved often as we upgraded from apartments to a trailer, to a duplex, to our own home. In 17 years of marriage, this is the longest we have lived in one house.

As I looked around me, the kitchen table caught my eye. Memory after memory of amazing dinners came flooding back. We have laughed with the kids, we have played silly games, planned important events for The Crossroads, we have eaten gourmet romantic dinners, and entertained countless friends around my table in that kitchen. We have squished more people into that kitchen around the table than fire codes would allow, I'm sure!

Our kitchen has been a magic place. I often sit on a stool at the counter chatting with my husband, my best friend, while he cooks. We frequently laugh as I attempt to chop veggies for his latest creations. We taught our children to cook in this kitchen. We have danced many a night to some Norah and Buble while we cook dinner together. I have yelled, cried, laughed and danced with my children in that kitchen as well.

There are memories in every room in this house. Abby learning to crawl and then taking her first toddling steps, late nights of Shawn and I sipping coffee on the couch and dreaming big dreams of trying to reach a new community, and long hours at the piano talking and listening to God. In this home I discovered new passions and found my soul that was lost for a very, very long time. I rediscovered my love for writing, then branched out into a new hobby - running. In both of these hobbies, I reconnected with God and discovered rain for my soul after a long stay in the desert.

As selling became more of a reality today, I realized that I am yet again moving out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. I am excited about a new beginning in a new place. I hope that we are blessed with many years in our next home as well. I can't wait to be living with my tribe - our people in Anna. I know God has great and beautiful things in store. Today I used the time on my back to reflect, and I was extremely thankful for how God has blessed our family in the last four years. However, I am looking forward to a new beginning.