Matthew 16:13-20. Jesus asked the disciples who they thought he was. Peter said that he thought Jesus was the Messiah. Jesus was excited that Peter found the right answer. I've read this many times, but here's the part I had not really noticed. vs. 17-18, "My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock."
It was in the wake of Peter's relationship with Christ and recognition of who Jesus truly was that Peter found out who he was meant to become. God saw beyond the whole 'are you willfully being stupid' aspect of Peter's character into the foundational believer that Peter would become.
It is in knowing God intimately that we discover who we are. I think I blogged on this once before. Not sure, I've kind of lost track. Then there was vs. 25-25, "Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."
Yeah, all this to simply say, I cannot foresee the future that God has for me. He continually speaks in riddles and circles about my own life until I am dizzy with confusion. But at the same time talks to me intimately about others. Sometimes I think that he is going to teach me to love teaching so that I will be content with where I am, but other times I think he is saying that I am not at all where he called me to be. Lately he seems to be saying both at the same time. I am certain that right now, today, I am in the place on the planet that he has planned for me. But I am almost as certain that this is only a short-term assignment. That's what I don't understand. I don't see anything beyond where I am right now. That's the whole I'm really confused and frustrated part.
That's why, in this chapter of Matthew, I was reminded that the great quest in life is not finding myself...it is finding Christ. It is only as I discover Christ and become intimately intertwined with his will and purposes and teachings that I can find myself. The hard part is the waiting and being patient with simply seeking to discover Christ. It is challenging for me to not be exceptionally frustrated with the conflicting voices in my head.