OH I'M ANGRY NOW!

My body stores fat like a grizzly bear preparing for hibernation. I don't know why, but at 25, my metabolism curled up and absolutely died. The good news is that in the last ten years, it's not gotten much worse, but I still gain weight like crazy. For me, losing weight is like prying a lollipop from my 3 year old daughter's mouth. Good luck! For the last 10 years, I've used this metabolism issue as an excuse for toting around about 50 extra pounds. I had come to peace with the fact that God did not create all of us to be skinny people.

Knowing my family's history of diabetes and heart disease, I started working out about 6 months ago. I lost about 10 pounds, bringing my two year weight loss total up to around 25 pounds. That's great, right? Except that now I'm just plain mad. Ticked off. Hacked.

I went home for the holidays for 3 days. I ate anything I wanted, taking in approximately 2500 calories a day (Yes, I count my calories in my head subconsciously - too many years of eating issues, I guess). I came home with a new jacket for running at night, an armband to store my ipod, and 4 extra pounds.

At first, I was horribly upset. Then I was defeated. Why work hard if I can't even maintain the results? Is it really worth all the effort? I liked being lazy.

This morning I forced myself onto the weight machine. It is important to understand that I hate lifting weights. I can't listen to music while lifting because the bad words in my head are too loud for me to hear the music. I was about halfway through when I began to figure how many calories the average person has to consume to gain one pound. And then I gained 4 on what I ate? Oh, I got mad! I was slamming weights like nobody's business in the playroom.

I am done being owned and controlled by my body. I will not roll over and give up just because it works in strange and mysterious ways. I will not give up working out, and I will lose those 4 pounds.

Now nobody panic, I am not attempting purging or anything else unhealthy. I did workout 3 times today, attempting to shock my body into dumping the pounds. Sometimes when I hit a wall, I can push through it by putting my body into overdrive on working out.

My intention is that I will be healthy. I will not give in to defeat and discouragement. I will have my body fit and healthy and ready for whatever and wherever God takes me next.