You know, "stuff" at the Crossroads is going well. We have an excellent launch team, an incredible pastor, and a phenomenal worship team. Shawn and Worship Dude are certainly a dream team as far as ability and talent and heart go. We have reduced set-up and break down to a fine art. We just seem to be having a hard time really getting our growth off the ground. Honestly, I was pretty discouraged this week that we only had two families that were not launch team members in attendance. Rationally I know and understand the ebb and flow of attendance in church planting. I understand that next week could be totally packed. But today, it was hard to be abandoned in worship in front of row after row of empty chairs. It shouldn't matter, right? Because God is present and he is the recipient and the audience of our praise. But it did matter. I was shallow today.
I am secure in the call to church planting. I have seen God moving in awesome ways through my job and connections in Anna. He is speaking in my life in ways that he never has before. He is very near, and real, and present in my life, and I can see his hand all over my friends and their lives as well. I am just disappointed by how slow the growth is at the church plant. I so desperately want to do big things with God and see lives changed. Maybe that's where I'm screwed up in the head. Maybe God measures big things differently than I do.
Here's the words to one of my favorite songs that I'm singing right now....be glad that this is text only without sound....my prayer tonight.....after all, praise is the antidote for discouragement.....
"I lay it all down before You, didn't know how much I could love You
You saw me when I was lost in darkness
and as long as I have breath
I will praise you.....
I will praise you, my Jesus
I will praise you, my Savior
You changed my life when
You took all my sin,
And as long as I have breath.....I will praise you."
I am so hungry for God's presence. Are you?